sadly, you cant make someone change their ways. they have to want to do it. if you feel like what he is doing isnt enough, then you have to express that to him and talk it out. maybe it might help you to make a list of all the positive things he is doing to make you feel better. then make a list of what he still needs to do for you. really think about your needs, what you need him to do for you. write it down. then talk about that list with him. my WH and i did that, and it helped.
if your WH isnt making you a priority...then YOU need to make YOU a priority. Do things for yourself. Take up a new hobby. work out. take a cooking class or something like that. go get a massage or a pedicure. buy a groupon for something ridiculous that you would not normally do and go do it. You have to work on you. you are worth it, you deserve it, and you need to treasure yourself. When you feel forsaken, turn to yourself, because you always have you.
hugs to you.
Keep talking, communicating how you feel is critical.
I understand your pain. And as the other poster said, it takes time to heal.
Please tell him how you feel. See how he reacts. If he is truly remorseful and wants to the do the hard work to help you heal, he will try harder.
I have a side story to share with you. Last week, I saw my IC (my FWH and I saw this IC individually and as a MC back in 2007-2009) - I still see her on occasion as she also serves as a life coach to me. Anyway, FWH had SERIOUS boundary issues and he was a KISA to the max. "Save the damsel in distress." OW #2 was the worst as she was my friend too (my profile gives details). Anyway, last week, my IC says to me, "...I'm glad to hear that you and FWH are doing well...I take it he hasn't picked up any strays!" I had to laugh because that's just what it was like!
Many ICs have techniques to help you process your feelings. Are you in IC?
Giving care to a person with dementia is especially draining, even if it's the only demand on your energy. What sort of help do you have? Can you hire some people or draft other family members to give you more help?
Are you and your H talking? Have you told him you don't feel like you're being treated as a family member? How has he responded?
A nice cup of hot tea and honey, a banket and a comfortable chair for the cold. Drinks lots of water. Some people swear Emergent-C speeds recovery time.
I like the advice too, to make yourself your priority. I have found over the last few days, that Yoga class really makes me feel better. And I've hard terrible affair news recently, and I'm almost a complete beginner at Yoga. But I really do feel better after a class.
I'm even going to try meditation.
Sending hope and comfort....
Definitely brainstorm ways that would make you feel more of a priority. It is difficult to ask someone to do things for you, I know. It's more difficult than just asking for help with something. It's kind of like telling someone what you want them to buy you for your birthday!
But that's what we need to do when we are feeling forsaken, left out, left behind, neglected. He may be overwhelmed with his care for his mother, and his own processing of the A, and need to be reminded to be intentional about the healing of your M, which includes making each other the priority in life.
Maybe find some little ways that he can start...like texting you when he gets to work & at lunchtime, or bringing dinner home one night a week so you don't have to cook, or leaving you a note in the bathroom/kitchen/your car to brighten your day.
And definitely take care of yourself while you're sick! Give yourself an "all about you" day sometime soon, even if that means you just take a longer hot shower than usual, or buy yourself a favorite coffee while you're out, take a long walk, or sneak a nap into your schedule.