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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New job
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got a job offer today.

I own my own company, have for years but hired my WH last Summer to take over as CEO.

Everyone keeps asking me why I just don't take control of my company back but there was a reason I hired my WH last Summer, I was burned out. I am still the owner, president and sole Board of Directors and still draw a paycheck from the company but fear that alone with child support it will not be enough to maintain my current lifestyle and I don't want to drain my savings. I don't want my kids to have to suffer anymore than they already have.

Trying to decide if it's better to be home when they get home from school each day knowing I will have to make some financial cuts, or take the job.

The job is simple and pays really well and I think it might be good to be in a big company with lots of new people I do not know.

It's only been 3 weeks since DDay. Anyone with kids have any advice?


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 209 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not a very good example. I'm a long time SAHM and tried getting a part-time job. I ended up in the hospital the day I was supposed to start. But I'm in a unique situation where my parents are supporting us financially.

Only you know if the new job will help you emotionally. That's the criteria I'd look at for this. Savings accounts are for rainy days, and its pouring at your house. Also, are the kids used to you being home for them? How well do you think they would take to the transition?

From some of your other posts, you seem like the type of person who is happiest while in control and busy. (I could be wrong.) Do what will make you feel best about yourself. If worst comes to worst, you can always quit. It is so amazing that you are even offered this new job in the midst of all the chaos in your life. Good luck.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1855 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's already signed the financial settlement and the legal separation right? So you making more money won't give him more money?

Here's the thing about a job. If it doesn't work out, you can always quit. Right now, it might be really affirming to you, to have a new outlet that pays. Because you have a fall-back position.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats! A job offer is a nice affirmation!

The thing with divorce is that it is intense emotionally and usually financially, so you will need to balance those things. However, if you can swing the bills, it might be wise to delay your start date, if possible.

During my divorce I often had a hard time sleeping, had roller coaster emotions and had to take off of work to get my ducks in a row, visit attorneys, etc. An exhausted, emotional you, asking for time off to handle a divorce, might not allow you to put your best foot forward in a new job.

Also, I found it helpful to see a therapist and join a support group to help me work through the emotions of grieving the loss of my marriage. If you have the opportunity for some short term free time, it might be good to use it to start the healing process.

Last point, it might help to have a less congested schedule as you transition into single parenthood. It is a tough gig - rewarding and doable, but tough nonetheless. Might also benefit the kids to have you in your normal role/rhythm as they adjust.

All of that said, if this is an offer that will not wait and the numbers indicate that you should start earning, well lady, fake it until you make it. It is hard to work full time while grieving, transitioning and managing a divorce, but it can be done. I did it as have many other of the folks on this board.

Again, many congrats on the job offer! Toasting you from here!


Posts: 917 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double post

[This message edited by Heal&Deal at 9:02 PM, January 30th (Thursday)]


Posts: 917 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((iamsoblind42)) whatever you decide to do ... much success to you!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take that job, friend! I'm also self-employed, but have started applying for jobs. Now that I live alone from Monday to Friday, I yearn for a water-cooler to talk around, and people to drop by my office with problems for me to fix.

Do it!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2080 | Registered: Jan 2013
Artemisia
♀ Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone has great advice above, but ultimately I'm with pass. Do it!

Granted, you are MUCH closer to the trauma, but I say Do It because about 5-6 months after D-day, I took a new job, and it has been one of the best things I've done for myself in this alleged new beginning. New people, new tasks, new places to go every day, new challenges, new successes, even new frustrating things - it's such a sure-fire way to set yourself on a new path, whatever that may be. The delayed start-date advice above might be a good way to split the difference.

It can go either way, but in my experience this change has turned out to be so positive. For me, I was ready for a change from my old job even before things hit the fan, which sounds similar to you. And if it turns out to not be the right fit, it's not a life sentence - you can always quit or move on. As people say above, it's a doubly stressful time to be making a big change, and sometimes I think about how I was be a better employee before I felt so f-ed up emotionally, but overall - it has been so, so so good. And for folks like you and I, we've got to work somewhere, right?

Just another step towards the new you.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old are the kids?

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids are 16 and 11. I start the new job on a March 3rd.

Thank you all for the advice.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 209 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm also of the opinion to take the job knowing if it's too much for you or the kids you can quit. Your kids are older and will be able to understand and you don't have to worry about after school care. When opportunity knocks.......


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same day I start my new job. I will be thinking of you. congrats!


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats! Good luck on the new job. Make it a part of your positive new beginning.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1855 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 13

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