Well our anniversary went by pretty painlessly except for the uncomfortable realization that we were acknowledging (certainly cant say celebrating) 16 years together with a healthy dose of pain and sadness mixed into the day. On another front our situation is on it's way to being rather public because of him losing his job. He told his brother because I told him that was the one person he needed to talk with... for a couple of reasons...help getting a job more quickly and for accountability purposes. However, over the weekend various other members of his family have found out that he no longer works in the same place (which is semi-bizarre because he rarely saw them and all of them chose this weekend to stop by at his workplace for something only to find out he no longer worked there.) Anyway...we've had some calls and texts that we've mostly left unanswered at this point. My MIL is one of those digging for answers and I want nothing to do with discussing it with her....she is already someone I'd rather not deal with on ANY real level...has emotional and what I believe are very real undiagnosed mental health issues...and this will just give her something else to mess with in life. I'm not thrilled about this development...because she's already a bit of a loose cannon in our lives and she didn't need ammo.
On an up note...WH has been on the computer and filling out applications, calling people to arrange for references, and generally trying to be what he needs to be and do the things he needs to do to at least get our financial situation stabilized as quickly as possible.
As for me...well...I am ever changing. It truly depends on the moment as to how I feel about it all. There is underlying overwhelming sadness...but I really don't want to fall into the eyes-glazed-sitting-on-the-couch-overwhelmed-by-my-life mode...so have been trying to distract myself with other aspects of life to avoid sinking into a depression that paralyzes me again. I still have moments of crying and sadness that sneak up on me but am trying not to let it take over...which would be really easy to do again, I think. Mind movies still sneak up on me regularly. This reveal basically opened the wound...wider and with a healthy dose of salt...but I had realized before at some point that allowing myself to become paralyzed also made me a bit unhappy with myself (for allowing him to impact me that much?... for allowing ''it'' to impact my life so dramatically?...I don't know...but I'm happier being (or at least appearing) less affected and more in control of things.) I still have difficulty focusing on things that require my attention for stretches (like watching a movie...sitcoms work better for me at this point)...but I don't feel completely out of touch the way I did before...and feel like I have a handle on things...sort of.