Topic: My son died...
Member # 30024
| Posted: 10:10 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
(((lonely2009))) So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful, precious son. I do understand the pain, and can only echo what wanauld shared. You must feel it to get through it. I am so very sorry for all the pain you are experiencing and for all your son has lost.
(((wanauld))) I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son, too.
BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 9531 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 33226
| Posted: 10:11 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
(((((lonely & DH))))) I am so very sorry, honey. Loss of a child, regardless of their age, is a burden no one should have to shoulder.
PM on its way.
[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 10:11 AM, January 31st (Friday)]
You can call me NIK
"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
Posts: 24920 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 11224
| Posted: 10:16 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
(((Lonely and family)))
My heart hurts for you... I am so sorry for your loss. Sending many peace and healing thoughts your way.
Posts: 1017 | Registered: Jul 2006
Member # 33338
| Posted: 10:17 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I am so, so sorry. You are in my prayers.
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.
Posts: 2705 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 14054
| Posted: 10:37 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I am so sorry for your loss.......
Posts: 397 | Registered: Mar 2007
Member # 31094
| Posted: 10:37 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 32616
| Posted: 10:47 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
Please consider speaking to a grief counselor. Sadly most people are going to say the wrong things. As much as your friends love you, they have no idea how to support you. You really do need support.
Posts: 3334 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 35810
| Posted: 11:42 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
No words...just...no words.
I agree with Cres. If you're feeling ready, a grief counselor could be immensely helpful, as could any support groups you can find. People do strange things when they want to be helpful but know the situation is way over their heads. It's not fair that you also have to be gracious in the face of their awkwardness, but I imagine you're feeling pretty numb anyway.
Me: Former BW, 28
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie
Posts: 381 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
Member # 24849
| Posted: 11:51 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I am sooooooooooo sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you. (((lonely2009)))
FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.
Posts: 5842 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Member # 31240
| Posted: 11:54 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I'm so, so sorry, lonely.
fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.
Posts: 9979 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 7168
| Posted: 12:02 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I don't have one single word that I can even imagine would help you process this.
I have a 23yo son. Just to read your situation makes me heart stop in my chest. It's unimaginable. To have to actually experience it? I can't even make myself really go there - not even in thought.
We think things in life break our hearts until something comes along that truly does break our heart.
I have no doubt that your heart is broken.
You won't get beyond this. You won't process this. It's a totally unexpected loss. It's a totally unfair loss. It's cruel. And while this sweet baby is indeed a blessing - and no doubt will find his way into your life and your broken heart in time - it's ok now that you just don't feel ready. You will when you are.
The only thing that's left for you is just simply acceptance. This is not some place that you strive to get to. This is just something that comes - in its own time and usually on cat feet. There will be a lot of tears on the path. Lean into the only person that can even come close to experiencing this with you. It won't be in exactly the same way but you both are missing the same sweet son.
And in the interim, my prayers are for the only thing that I can really offer you of any real merit or substance - and that's that the very God that you now don't understand will also offer you the very peace that passes understanding.
Much love, lonely. I know it is woefully inadequate.
Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
Member # 36883
| Posted: 12:22 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I once asked my grandmother how she got through losing her youngest at 18 very unexpectedly as well. How that her and Grampa got through it, with 4 other kids to boot.
She told me that when she gave up and finally just embraced it all. All the pain and sorrow - it freed her of her pride. She felt like she had to be strong for her family, but on the inside it was killing her.
So she fell apart and then she accepted everything and everyone. All the stories, all the cards, all the people.
She told me that her faith helped, but the physical people of the church helped more. They did not ignore them or avoid them. They embraced them fully, hugs, kisses (gotta love italians), food, everything. Once she allowed her self to be helped and to be surrounded by love, she started to beable to get back on her feet.
Gramps was basically the same way.
They fell into each other, they cried and cried, and they would ease the other's guilt if they laughed, or had a good day, or something like that.
It carried over to the kids. My mom remembers that it was very hard at the first, but that eventually she realized that it was ok to laugh and to sing and do all that without feeling guilty that her brother wasn't there anymore.
I can not imagine lossing a child, no matter what their age. I just hope that you are wrapped in peace and love.
Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Posts: 1716 | Registered: Sep 2012
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 12:27 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I am so, so sorry.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Posts: 19994 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 34086
| Posted: 12:29 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Posts: 3854 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 29295
| Posted: 12:32 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine the depth of your pain. (((Lonely2009 and family)))
...second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Posts: 1858 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Member # 39891
| Posted: 12:33 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
Oh I am as sorry for your loss. I have walked in your shoes. My DD died suddenly during her nap when she was a toddler. There were no prexisting conditions. I still cannot understand how a normal day turned so horribly wrong. I know how numb I was g or a long time, then the pain of grief , then the destruction of my marriage. I miss her every. I miss saying her name. Its tough and I know your heart feels like its going to literally rip in two. Its hard to see that you will get through this and when you do its hard to accept the unacceptable. But time does heal. He was your son and your love and the bond you create with your children is immortal. I will pray for you during this difficult time. Please know that time does heal slighly. You dont get over it, you get better at dealing with it.
Posts: 95 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 31528
| Posted: 12:45 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
Posts: 34611 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 15906
| Posted: 12:49 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I'm so sorry for your loss.
SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too
Posts: 1377 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
Member # 14003
| Posted: 12:51 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I'm so very sorry.
I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
Posts: 13718 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 30369
| Posted: 12:58 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014|
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.
Posts: 6660 | Registered: Dec 2010
|Topic Posts: 87|