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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: happy and reconciled 6 years, now he wants us to have sex with a
♀ Member
Member # 40808
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he says he loves me so much that he wants to please ME "doubely"

As refuse2b said, this is a ploy and manipulation on his part. He will package it to be all about you and your enjoyment, all the while he will be getting his desire to cheat fulfilled.

Your WS sounds like a "dry cheater" and it appears his urge has returned and this is his way to have his cake, eat it and not have to worry about being caught.

"How people treat you is their Karma. How you react is yours."
Wayne Dyer

Posts: 135 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 13926
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you sure you've been in true R and he didn't start acting out with men?
I think what you say here is why I have returned to this website. It (and all of you) helped me so very much while we were going through our reconciliation.
i haven't been back here for several years and now I'm wondering if something else may be going on, or could happen. Our marriage, relationship, communication AND our sex has been so incredibly better. We have done many things in the bedroom that I never could have imagined..........We have done some role playing and we have been to "adult shops" and we have played with toys....I'm not saying that I don't love it, because I do. I have had serious discussions with him about the way I feel....Another man having sex with us would, to me, be so in genuine and violating and gross, etc. So It just dawned on me that he may , as before, doing something on the side. I can't see any late nights out, suspicious behaviors, calls, texts e-mails. He doesn't facebook. I really believe that he's not doing anything, but he won't stop bringing up, during lovemaking, having another pe--is with us.

M 23 years
DDay 1/18/07
3 year EA's with at least 4
internet EA
cyber Sex
"dates" with 2 women
1&1/2 year PA with 1
2 girls 18 & 19
2 boys 15 & 17

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: minnesota
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He may not have to text or stay out late tho. He could be trolling craigslist for anonymous encounters during lunch hour.

He's so insistent, that concerns me that it's beyond fantasy.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he won't stop bringing up, during lovemaking, having another pe--is with us

The bottom line is that he is not respecting YOUR feelings that you have communicated with him. You are communicating this to him, and he is not accepting your feelings.
While your sex life may have improved post A, this leads me to believe that communication hasn't really improved, but the illusion of it certainly has.
Illusions are impossible to maintain forever. Eventually reality seeps back in. I'm thinking along the lines of what Samantha has suggested.
Is there any way to find out what he does on his lunch hour? Electronic devices...ipad, smartphone etc..

He isn't listening to you, yet he says he wants this for you, even though you have said "no"....and that is why it is so concerning.

He's either lying to himself or lying to you...or both.

BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one

Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But he won't stop bringing up, during lovemaking, having another pe--is with us

This sounds exactly precisely like what my ex started doing. He assured me it was all about me and how much he would enjoy seeing me be pleasured. I felt we had made such progress in our R and I hated to let what he was making me feel like were my inhibitions get in the way. It was only years after we divorced and so much healing had taken place that I could see how messed up what he was doing to me was. He should have dropped it the second I said I didn't think it would be a good idea. If you read my profile you might see some things there ring familiar. Feel free to PM me as well.

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Inappropriate reply.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:18 PM, February 2nd (Sunday)]

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wowwwww, Kalliopeia, that was harsh!

I'm not judging on your position, but on the way you put it. Seriously. Unnecessarily cutting.

And out of character for you, too...

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 877 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was FWH's big fantasy....I said no...on day I discovered he cheated on me..with a man.

There is a lot I could say..but I'd you have said no..then stand by that. My opinion is that any man who is willing to share his wife with another man ...has no respect for his wife.. not as his wife or as a woman. He wantsto watch his wife be treated like a whore.. its live porn..and she is no longer his wife..just a piece of meat.

I was going to be his bait..hey come fuck my hot wife..oh..and I might touch you to..OK?

I think you should keep your eyes open. Not all men who like this shit are bi or gay..but some are. Even those you have know for 15 years. Had anyone told me he would cheat with a man, I would have laughed.

Not laughing now.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7742 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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