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User Topic: My Fwh has Alzheimers and his comment broke my heart once again
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a long, long road to recovery but after 4 years I finally thought we were on our way to getting a marriage that was worth fighting for. And then the horrible news came - He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It has been 2 years since his diagnosis but lately things have been progressing pretty rapidly.

Well tonight I felt like it was another d-day. I know it was the disease but it still felt like a stab in my heart. For anyone not familiar with this horrible disease, oftentimes patients have the desire to "go back home" even when they are sitting right there in their own living room in their favorite chair.

Once again, while I was preparing dinner my H said to me that he had to go home. When I asked him why, he told me, "I don't want to make FNF suspicious. We don't want to get caught." I don't know if I can do this if now this is where his brain is going to go. I never wanted to relive this but to see firsthand what his thinking was, to hear him tell me, he doesn't want to get caught, let's not make her suspicious, well will somebody please take this knife out of my heart.

Once we were past the worst of it I did my best to put this awful part of our history in the past. Now Alzheimer's threatens to bring it to the forefront. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. Pray for me.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:45 PM, January 31st (Friday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
meplusfour
♀ Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((forgivenotforget))

Sending grace, dignity and strength.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 388 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. You are in my prayers, ....both of you.

What a difficult journey to be on, I'm sorry.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3636 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so heartbreaking to read. I am so sorry that he said this and now you have the fear that this may be where his mind is going.
You have been such a wonderful and devoted wife- before this diagnosis and after. You traveled such a long road to recover from the trauma of d- day and then to be hit with this tough situation....,.so unfair.
I will be keeping you in my prayers.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
flayed
♀ Member
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DDay and my pain are still fresh but I know that if I manage to get past this, heal and accept it that I would never want to relive it, let alone from the other side.

I pray that God gives you strength, courage and the grace to live in this new chapter of your life. May his comment not be the new norm.

(((((FNF)))))


BS(Me)-39
WH-39
Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry. We dealt with Alzheimer's with my grandfather. It's a special kind of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. I hope his mind moves past the timeframe of the A quickly and goes back to an earlier uncomplicated time for you both.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. How horrible for the both of you.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. (((FNF))) I hope that his mind never goes there again.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1781 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow... I am so sorry, FNF. Sending thoughts your way.

(((FNF)))


Posts: 7625 | Registered: Dec 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry, FNF. I can't even begin to imagine.

Sending you strength and comfort, and holding both you and your H in my thoughts.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25835 | Registered: Aug 2011
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((fnf)))))


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so awful. It breaks my heart. Can I encourage you to get in touch with your local Alzheimer's Association? It's a great organization with a lot of resources for caregivers.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
newbeg2011
♂ Member
Member # 31892
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgiven
Please know we are praying for you. I see this disease every day in my line of work . You are a wifely saint.


Never forget what I have done to BS but don't let guilt make me quit. STAY IN THE FIGHT ! ! !
WS 47 me
BS 47 her
5 Great Children
DD 1/15/11

Posts: 213 | Registered: Apr 2011
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get help from a support group nearby. There are
Caregiver support groups. Alzheimer's is terrible for the caregiver - frightening for the afflicted as they deteriorate. Early stages are horrid. (I worked with Alzheimer's patients for three years in a assisted living home.) One woman who was very dear to me (retired teacher) in one of her more lucid moments told me that some of her episodes were surreal in that she seemed to be watching from the inside another version of herself speaking to her loved ones...she had no control over what was being said and she felt herself scream "no no you are hurting them!!" It's a terrible terrible disease. Please get help for your sanity.

(((Hugs))) and prayers for you


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, (((FNF)))...I am so very, very sorry. That is a unique kind of hell for you, and I wish I had a way to make it better for you.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8885 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for your kind words, hugs and prayers. I am trying to do right by my H but tonight, after that painful comment, I just wished that I could have run as far away as possible.

Blobette - I have joined the Alzheimer's website and post frequently. One of my first posts was asking if there were others dealing with a LO's Alzheimer's after recovering from infidelity. I was shocked that on such a large site only one other poster admitted to dealing with infidelity. Maybe there are others but they don't want to publish something so private. I do get a lot out of their site though. There are so many aspects to this disease and it is good to share our fears and concerns and learn from each other how to handle situations that arise.

Again, thank you all for helping me get through this night. It helped more than you can know.
xoxo to you all!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my dear...I fear this very thing in my life. Please know that I too am holding you in the LIGHT and hope you can find peace and strength in the face of this new trauma.

Please make time for yourself...

Hugs. SK


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3689 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
0115
♀ Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fear this very thing. Your post made me gasp out loud...I have never done that in 3 years of reading these sad stories.

Please know I will hold you in special prayer. I pray you find the sources you need for comfort and strength and that his mind will move into a different time period of his life.

It is a horrible disease...I'm so sorry for you.


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1011 | Registered: Apr 2011
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{forgivenotforget}}}

I am so saddened reading this. NJgal pretty much wrote what came to my mind as I read your message. Hopefully his comment will not be the new norm and/or his mind travels back to a better time for both of you.

You have been so strong... put the past behind you to care for him in his illness... and handled all of this with such dignity. I am praying for your continued strength in the face of this very unpleasant turn of events.


Posts: 814 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry about how painful that was. Please redirect him when that happens back to the present. His mind may flit to several times from his life.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2257 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Topic Posts: 34
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