I recovered some of the deleted messages. I tell her, she can come back my place to pick up her phone and computer.
I went out and did some errands and help clear my mind a bit. I was running on maybe 3 hrs of sleep bc of this drama.
Anyways, I get home and eat first, without saying a thing to her. She asks me if we can talk.
So here we go.
I asked her, if she wants to revise what she told me the texts were about, she tells me no.
Well, I start grilling her about the old texts between them and her friends. I don't really care about the old text, bc those were done, but it was nice to see exactly what was said.
I questioned her about specifics of them to see if they are accurate. Was close enough I guess.
I then got her to confess to me, she did tell the OM, "I miss you" at the end of the last text. Yep, strictly business I see, nothing personal at all.
I tell her how she broke 4 of our guideline rules that we created.
1, not thinking about our marriage 1st.
2, breaking NC.
3, not being honest.
4, WW(J/B) Do in this situation?
I asked, if she even though about them. She tells me yes, she did, but she still did it anyways. And she tells me, she doesn't understand why she does it.
She thinks about him and wants to text him sometimes. I ask if she loves him, she tells me no. I ask, if she wants to be with him, she tells me no. She loves me and wants to be with only me.
I tell her, it sounds like she's infatuated with him. I tell her, I don't know how she got so hooked onto him, so fast.
She cries and tells me, she knows something is wrong with her. She tells me, she think she's bi-polar. I tell her, I've met bi-polar people and she's not it. She tells me there's different types of it or something like that.
She tells me that she's weak.
Anyways, she says she needs help to understand why she does things like this. That's why she's going to her doctor tomorrow to get an IC referral.
She told me how she's been thinking a lot about suicide, even when things were fine. It was always in her mind. Like a movie playing.
I told her, after what I found out, suicide did cross my mind, but I have too much self respect, I think about my family and friends.
I was pretty much stone cold during this session. I'm at my breaking point of this marriage. The slightesttaht breeze will push me over and sign the papers.
Dare2Trust, I believe her that she hasn't see him at all, since we got back together. But obviously, who knows for sure. Too many lies.
[This message edited by UneasyFeelings at 1:27 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]
Yesterday evening, my WW called up and changed her phone number. She was going to delete her online social accounts too. After doing her phone, she was watching tv then took a nap. Woke up at a little after 11PM and I asked if she's deleted her online stuff yet? She tells me no. I asked her, didn't you say you were going to do it today???? She gets irritated at me for saying that. But I do have a point. I tell her to stop telling me things and just do them. She disabled her FB and other online accounts that she wasn't aware of, but I found them with ease.
We get into bed and she starts one of her books. I start a couple of shows on the DVR. I couldn't sleep well, didn't fall asleep until about 3 or 4AM. The WW always dozes off with easy.
Woke up this morning with her by my side. I had to work in a couple of hours. I get up and start to make us breakfast. I make us breakfast a lot. I cook more for us, than she does for us, by 10 folds I'm guessing. She says I make the best eggs.
I ask her, making her breakfast from before, just because, isn't that love? Didn't that tell you anything? She says yes it is. Bah.
Anyways, she told me she would call her mother today. Has an STD today scheduled today. And try to get an appointment for a psychiatric and IC.
While at work, I get a text from her telling me the place where her doctor referraled wont have an opening for the psychiatric until June! But she got an appointment with an IC on Monday. She's going to see if there are other options for the psych.
She comes into work and tells me, we forgot about her car keys in my car, so she's there to pick it up. Anyways, it was just about my lunch time. So she grabs her keys and comes back. We walked around for a bit and I grab lunch. As I have everything and ready to eat, she's heading out to finish up her stuff. The way she was acting was odd to me. I dont know if I'm just being hyper-sensitive to me, but it was off to me. My spidey senses were tingling.
She called later that evening while I was still at work. She forgot to tell me to do something. Anyways, she tells me she called and talked to her mom. Said it went rather well and she was surprised by it. I told her see, nothing to worry about. I asked if there was anything wrong? She questions me with why. I told her how it felt odd earlier. She's like no, not really. Nothing wrong. Sorry if she was sending that message, but everything is fine. Hmmm
When I got home, I Skyped with her briefly before she feel asleep. She has an early morning tomorrow at work. That was nice.
For the most part, it appears things are going well I guess. I've actually felt pretty damn good this past month, until last week.
On Tues, I was scheduled for my STD screening. Instantly put me in a bad mood for most of the day. Angry and depressed about the whole situation. Affair movies reeling through my head all week long.
I told my WW how I was angry and depressed again. She tells me she's sorry for what she did and it was selfish.
She seems to be doing well with IC.
And today, marks 2 months, when I "left". I think all this has triggered all these emotions again.
Btw, I got my results back this afternoon.
All negative, except I've been exposed to herpes type 1, sometime in the past. Doctor says 1 in 4 people have it and it's nothing. Cold sores are very common.
I guess that's good?