I can relate. I found this great summary by Ellen McGrath that explains it well.
Stage One: Circuit-breaking
...overloaded with too much stimulation and too much danger, as in trauma, it also shuts down to just basics. People describe it as feeling numb, in shock or dead inside.
Stage Two: Return of Feelings
recount......begin to dispel the feelings of distress...There are four broad patterns of expression of feelings...The Trickle Effect...Hit and Run Feelings....Roller Coasters....Tsunamis
Stage Three: Constructive Action
...Taking action restores a sense of control and directly counteracts the sense of powerlessness that is the identifying mark of trauma....Stage Two and Stage Three go hand in hand.
Stage Four: Reintegration
In the wake of crisis it is possible to learn and grow at rates 100 times faster than at any other time, because there is a door of opportunity. Growth can go at warp speed in every domain of life.
You can learn much that is deep and profound. You do this by interacting and by working together on the meaning of the difficult experience. Those who have the courage to become part of the trauma tribe, to experience and share their pain, or to help them overcome their pain, also have the opportunity to share their growth.
Everyone who goes through this process ends up better, stronger, smarter, deeper, and more connected. They would say so and everyone who comes in contact with them recognizes the change. It is like having a broken bone. If it heals properly, it is stronger in the spot where it fractured than it was before the injury.
Traumatic experiences are broken bones of the soul. If you engage in the process of recovery, you get stronger. If you don't, the bones remain porous, with permanent holes inside, and you are considerably weaker.
In this stage of recovery, you reintegrate your self and your values in a new way. You incorporate meaning in your life. You integrate deeper and more authentic ways of communicating.
People at this stage may experience a new sense of the preciousness of life, a clarification of goals and renewed commitment to them, and new understanding of the value of ties to others. But to get to stage four you have to go through the first three stages.BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.