BP: 38--me, faithful
Currently moving toward R.
Sending you peace and strength. You can do this.
Yes, we are not in R because she can't give me what I need to rebuild trust. And in retaliation for me not sharing where I go sometimes during separation (though I tell her if she asks), she is now refusing to tell me where she is going--so she's pulling back entirely.
I know that uncertainty is hard. But right now, you can only act on what you see, and what you see is very alarming. 'Retaliation'? Not okay. You have to see what she says in her better moods as only words. There are no actions yet. So stay with the 180 no matter how desperately you hope and wish that the remorseful sounds she makes are to be trusted. I went with my hope and what I wanted to be true when I was in your situation (there were some good signs, and some bad signs, and I hung in there with faith that the bad signs were aberrations and the good stuff was 'real')...boy oh boy was I wrong
You might want to check out this thread on gaslighting in the general forum: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=521304
Shift your focus onto yourself and try to stop wondering what is going on inside her head. Easier said than done I know but much better for your ability to move forward in a healthy way. Hang in there.
Aside from that, I've spent time last night and today trying to find a way to be financially independent because WS has been supporting the family while I finish school. She says she will continue to support me as I finish, but I just can't trust that. It also seems like the in-house separation provides too many opportunities for confusion about the relationship and provocation with the current conflict. It looks like I might be able to move or have her move in the next month or so if I ramp up my work schedule. Now I'm trying to decide if I have the conversation about her moving out (she's threatened that several times so I'm not sure if she's genuinely wanting to do that) or if I just come home one day and announce that I'm leaving. I'm better off financially and logistically if I stay where I am and she moves, but I like the idea of being able to confidently state that I don't need her anymore and bail. The third option is to just ramp up my work schedule as a Plan B with the knowledge that I can bail if she decides to pull support or if the in-house separation does not improve or gets worse. The third option is probably best for now, as everyone says not to make any decisions impulsively or within the first six months to a year. The problem with that is the strength it takes to look away, walk away and not engage in anything could potentially result in hurt...which would be so much easier if we lived separately. Ugh! I hate this.