We've been married for 6.5 yrs, together for over 10. We have two children. This past year we've both been kind of lost, and recently she decided to have an affair (since Oct). The guy is a professional colleague from her trade shows she goes to. They talked daily and had 3 encounters at shows (once a month).
Im trying to move forward and save our marriage.. I know this was her reaction to both of us being lost in the business of life. I am having a hard time with this all, and to make matter worse she is going through her "withdrawal" of talking to him. She is depressed, angry etc.. She says she loves me, but doesnt feel that "in love spark" often enough. She feels it occasionally (which makes me feel like it still there). Is her lost feelings from me due to her withdrawal? Or should be prepared that this is just a lost cause?
I don't know what course you will end up following, but I do recommend you try to stop focusing on where she is at and focus on yourself and what you need. It can be hard to do that but it is necessary. You need to figure out your boundaries and stand up for them. Take care of yourself, read some of the posts in the healing library (upper left corner), and good luck.
"in love spark"
I laugh everytime I see this phrase. Who told them the spark would always be bright and sparky by itself? Sigh...
I wont file for divorce, because I wont be the one to walk out on my kids..
Dude. You don't have to walk away from your kids. If you file, you file asking HER for spousal/child support, physical & legal custody of your children, and for the majority of time. Oh yes, and also sole use of the house which means that she legally has no right to be there, you can change the locks, and she can go find lover-boy to bunk in with. Or hot-bunk on someone else's couch. Her problem.
Speaking as both a BS and a woman, you need to get up on your back feet and start roaring. Start projecting that you can do Very Fine Indeed Thank-you-very-much without her. These is nothing appealing about lying broken on the floor to an un-remorseful WS. Find your anger and get strong! And tell her to shove that Love Spark where the sun don't shine because right now neither of you are feeling it but SHE's the only one that went out and tossed her panties over the fence.
D-Day, June 10, 2012