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User Topic: Your thoughts on a trip to Las Vegas
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are your thoughts on your WS going off to Las Vegas with a bunch of same sex friends? In my case other guy friends. Ones who are also married, but who get really drunk and watch strippers, and invite other random woman around the pool to join them in the $1800.00 dollar cabana they rented. (this happened the last time all these men got together) They now want my WH to join them this time.

I am uncomfortable with it, one because I just don't feel Las Vegas (sin city) is a good place for married or committed men to go without their wives or girlfriend, and two because my WH has cheated on me. It was with the same woman twice, not with random women and we are in a different place then we were even a month ago. But I am still having a hard time trusting him.

I told him if he really wants to go, then he should go. I also have told him my concerns and how I feel about it.

I am curious what others feel about these situations.


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2012
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way. He shouldn't even be considering it out of respect for you.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Cookie7088
♀ Member
Member # 30038
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Ones who are also married, but who get really drunk and watch strippers, and invite other random woman around the pool to join them in the $1800.00 dollar cabana they rented."

Yes, please...one vote to the "HELL NO" catgory!


Posts: 636 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: U.S.
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not so soon. If you feel uncomfortable and he wants to R he should respect your feelings.
Can you imagine what you be feeling/thinking while he is away? That would be unfair of him to put you in that situation, you cannot know what he is doing 24 hours a day.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 388 | Registered: Nov 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you go with him??

Otherwise a big ol' NO!

Does he 'get' that you will not feel comfortable the whole time he will be gone?

I get that you don't feel great telling a grown man what to do...but with his track record he should be making a big show out of NOT going.

JMHO


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I'd be pissed he even thought it was a possibility. To my mind - he's proven he can't handle that kind of "independence".


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way. It wouldn't even be an option.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah... NOPE! FWH's friends keep pressuring him to go on weekend trips like he used to. Fucking, NOPE. He was lucky he got to go after dday1. Now... NOPE. knowing that the "curiosity" with strippers and escorts started on one of those weekend trips. Fuck to the no.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

unless my husband is going fishing in Canada with the guys in a remote location, there will be no guys week out.
The other poster is correct in that he lost that right when he cheated.
I'm also a former WW and my life is different now because of what I did. No nights apart.
Also, he needs to reevaluate this friendship group.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4493 | Registered: Dec 2010
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way. I think I would be upset if my guy even asked to go to Vegas on a guys trip that involves strippers after he cheated on me.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Jul 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vegas=Sex


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Chicho said.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16359 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting to Happy,
Why don't you go with him??

He would actually like me to go with him, but none of the other men are taking their wives. Or even thought about inviting their wives along. So..

I have talked about how I feel and that I don't like it and how I would be nervous he might get super drunk with the other guys and some girl might come onto him and who knows what will happen. He says " I wouldn't let myself get that drunk like they do" Hahaha, yeah right! This I do not believe at all! He did say, he wants us and is not looking for anyone else. Heard that before too. :(

He is very handsome and charming and woman are drawn to him. He talks very easily with the opposite sex. These men friends he is going with, I don't trust them, well most of them. This group of friends away from their wives, makes me really uneasy having my husband going with them.

I will not be telling him what he should do. This is on him to make the decision. I will tell him one more time how it makes me nervous and anxious and leave it in his hands to do what he wants to do.

We also rarely ever go on trips together. About once a year due to money, and time off work. So that is another issue for me. If we don't have the money to spend on a nice trip for us as a couple together to get away, I feel he shouldn't be spending it on this trip. It will be expensive, the way these friends he will be going with spend money. If he and I had plenty of money to go on other trips together, this part would not be an issue for me. A trip for us together would be so much more healing for our marriage then this trip for him alone with his buddies In Las Vegas, while I sit at home nervous about what he is doing.


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2012
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am uncomfortable with it,

'
That is all that needs to be said. As such he should not take the trip or take you along.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Nov 2010
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have YOU ever gone on a trip on your own? I am not saying this is the answer to his trip but I just want to know if you ever taken any personal time just for you?

I just find it interesting how he has no problem carving out personal time to have fun with his friends....and a trip to Vegas to boot. So what do you do for yourself?


Posts: 5607 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
WarpSpeed
♂ Member
Member # 32051
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We also rarely ever go on trips together. About once a year due to money, and time off work. So that is another issue for me. If we don't have the money to spend on a nice trip for us as a couple together to get away, I feel he shouldn't be spending it on this trip.

I would communicate this to him. Tell him you'd rather take this vacation time and money and invest it in the marriage with a trip you two enjoy together. Talk to him.

best luck


Me: BS (51)
Her: fWW (50)
Married 26 years
Two sons in college
Empty closet and note on bed Jan 2010, She filed for D Mar 2010, D final May 2010, Actually had D-Day and found out why it all happened July 2010. Remarried on 23rd Anniv Aug 2010

Posts: 1489 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Dallas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciling


Posts: 1325 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOPE
NUUH
NO WAY
NOT GONNA HAPPEN
NOT IN THIS LIFETIME
NEIN
NONE
And any other way you can think of saying NO


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7795 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just cannot believe that your H would even consider going on such a trip again EVER.

And I also can't believe this.

I told him if he really wants to go, then he should go

Do you really mean this?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 720 | Registered: Feb 2012
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOPE.

If my husband even ASKED to go on a trip like this, it would cause a fight.

Obviously you are not your husband's mother, and if he wants to go, he will go. However you certainly have the right to establish boundaries you are comfortable with, and you have the right to choose not to be with someone who is continually lying, cheating, and disrespecting your boundaries.

Essentially, him deciding to go is him saying a big fat, "I don't care" to your feelings.

Additionally, it is him continuing to selfishly choose himself, his wants, and his "fun" as a priority over you, your feelings, and your marriage.

If my husband insisted and insisted...I probably wouldn't be able to physically stop him from going. But he certainly wouldn't be coming home to me afterwards.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 44
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