I really hope, having seen the awful effects on both of us, and myself in particularly, that they'd never choose to go down that route, but who knows?
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
The OM in the A with my exGF is married with four kids, the oldest is 10.
WS's don't realize that their A affects not only their spouse, but their kids as well.. Even though I was four, I can remember the fights and my dad leaving. I didn't understand why and thought maybe I'd done something. Of course, I hadn't, but that's how little kids think.
It's funny, though how a WS will say that they love their kids and would never do anything to hurt them, yet they are having an affair and betraying either the kids' mom or dad...
Another point is the OM or OW not caring, not only about the spouse, but their kids. That is something I have a very hard time with because of my situation where I never imagined my exGF would do something like that and be ok with continuing the A.
Our 3 have had, each in their own way and in their own time, great difficulties trying to understand what happened to their mother and to their family.
People, including children, can learn from negative example. For me, the question is - do the hurts they endure as their family blows up overcome the lessons they could draw from it?
I have staked everything on the belief that one, strong focused parent can get children to a good place. Maybe not the place they could have gone in the absence of an affair and family breakup, but a good place nonetheless.
The jury is still out though early signs are encouraging.
Research on the effects of infidelity and divorce on children, no matter their ages - young, older and even adults - is very discouraging.
Just do your best with what you have.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
WXH ended up having an A and abandoning his pregnant wife and 2 sons. *sigh*
As for my kids, I have sole custody. I also have a strong Christian faith and the values and morals with that, I am trying to pass down to my children. WXH had a mother who hooked up with his step-father less than a year later and due to some of his mother's and step-father's issues, grew up in a pretty chaotic and permissive environment.
With the stability and security and values about marriage and relationships I am teaching my children, I pray so hard that their father's example will not be the one they follow, and that this disgusting chain of infidelity can end with them.
We plan to use my husband's indiscretion as an example to them of the harms of our present day casual sex culture when they are old enough to understand.
We are hopeful by then that not only will they learn about the damage and destruction caused by infidelity, but also about how strong love can overcome even the worst of obstacles. (Keeping my fingers crossed that we can live up to that example over the next 11 or so years.)
It also talks about being the type of man you want your sons to be!
As my sons are/were growing, I told/tell them that they have had an amazing example of an amazing man in their grandfather. Sad, huh? Happily, they both seem to be taking after their grandfather.
He hasn't replied to that email.