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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wars are not won by evacuations.
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Winston Churchill stated this after a daring rescue of stranded soldiers on a beach during WWII. They were facing certain death until an unexpected and unpredicted fog rolled in and the normally rough seas were pond-calm....allowing vessels of all kinds (fishing boats and pleasure crafts as well as military boats) to come in and rescue the men.

Yes, he was grateful that these brave mens lives were spared....but it was a reminder that escaping is not the same as winning.

Got me to thinking about what an A is....at the core it is an escape. My wife did not win the love of another man, did not win a chance at feeling something she never thought she could feel. She escaped from herself and her life. It cost her a great deal. She LOST a great deal.

I retreated upon my DD.....retreated into myself, using all the coping skills I had. I LOST a great deal.

Had we D upon our DD we would have lost the war.

Somehow we both found the courage to go back to war and fight for something.

We see know how we should have been fighting much more in our original marriage. How NOT fighting for 15 years was not winning us anything.

We fought again last night....it was a lame 1.5 hour battle.....most of which was a draw....but the last few minutes of it we had some victory.


Wars take courage, retreats do not.

I regularly pray for courage.

I pray this prayer for myself, my wife, and for all affected by adultery.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:43 AM, February 4th (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3766 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got me to thinking about what an A is....at the core it is an escape. My wife did not win the love of another man, did not win a chance at feeling something she never thought she could feel. She escaped from herself and her life. It cost her a great deal. She LOST a great deal.

Yes - I agree. Sorry you had a rough night, but often after nights such as that I feel some growth. Not always - sometimes we are just chipping away at rock for no reason, but other times either something emerges from the stone, or we realize we stopped the argument earlier than we would have in the past, or we are practicing some new skill.

I wish for courage for both you and Mrs. Blakesteele - I imagine you are both pretty remarkable people.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2004 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Kyrie
♀ Member
Member # 41825
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is strong stuff, blakesteel. Print this out and refer to it often. Your tenacity, perseverance and willingness to stay engaged is an encouragement to me. Thank you -


Me: BW (47), WH (48)
Married 24 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 When diagnosed w/STD
Told it was 15 mo. PA that ended 6 years ago
DD#2 04.06.14 Truth: PA was 2yrs/8mo
Separated for 6 weeks
Reconciling and healing now

Posts: 193 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: southeast USA
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks bionicgal and kyrie!

Work conference this week, MC session Friday afternoon....then Retrovaille Friday evening thru Sunday! Wife and I are ready for action....but still wonderful to have your support as we charge forward!!!!

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3766 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 4

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