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Newest Member: GotLost (44678)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New to SI
StillPositive
♂ New Member
Member # 42321
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!!! Been looking at this site for 2 days!!!!!
I don't know where to begin.....
I am now working on my 180.... And this is not easy...
My story... Just got married late 2012... This is my second marriage. My wife got a new job far from where we lived. She got the new job but failed to tell me that someone that I do not like, cause she had a sexual relationship with him behind my back before we got married, is her new boss. This could be long, but I'll make it short. Because the job was hours away. The commute was too long. So se found a friend from high school to stay with. While I was still at home with our 3 children. My WW and OP were basically spending every day together, doing WAY TOO MUCH!!! We finally moved to where she was months later. Come to find out she's in love with the OP and the affair that I knew was gonna happen, she can't stop cause he's her soul mate. After being here few months and after I moved out for a few weeks. He gets transferred out of state and she says she'll work on our M... And now 5 months later and after losing her job, because of people knowing about her relationsip with him, she still hasn't worked on our marriage and is still communicating with the OP!!!!!
I Love my wife.... And she has said a few times that she wants to work on the marriage but she can't seem to stop communicating with this idiot!!!! Mind you he's married with children. He's older than me and has children that are close in age to my wife... And for some mysterious reason she thinks that they can still be friends! WTH????
So I've started implementing the 180... Man!!!
I'm working on it. And this site has helped me clarify some things in the past two days... Now I can come here and vent instead of holding it in and getting angrier and angrier by the minute!


Me 41: BS
Her 29: WS
4 children between us
Together 6 yrs: Married 19 months
EA/PA 15 months
OP 51: married with 4 children, close in age to my wife.
D Day#1 3/13/13
D Day#2 9/28/13
NC Letter 2/17/14

Hardship is a pathway to peace...


Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: West Coast
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's good you're trying to pull back with the 180. You have to detach--she is already out the door in her mind. Have you seen a lawyer? I would recommend consulting with one. She needs to have some cold hard reality thrown on her choices. I also recommend you contact the OP's wife and tell her about this right away.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4082 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would let her know she needs to go NC with OM or gtfo. She treated you like plan B. OM was her "soulmate"? Some soulmate. He got the heck out of there as fast as he could but he keeps on the hook for the ego kibbles.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3720 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the site. I'm sorry you're here but you're in the right place.

And for some mysterious reason she thinks that they can still be friends! WTH????

They are not friends. They are still in the affair. If you can, let the other betrayed spouse know what is going on. Provide evidence because she may not believe you, and tell her in a non-emotional way "A and B are having an affair and here's is the evidence that confirms it." Or something to the effect.

I agree, see a lawyer. There is nothing saying that you have to file, just gather information. You'll feel better once you have the knowledge.

Post often, it helps.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
StillPositive
♂ New Member
Member # 42321
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The sad thing is his wife knows. Or at least he tells her that she knows... Cause the OP is a serial cheater!!!! We used to work together a few years back. And he was having this same problem back then, with some else from the same company different location. And my wife fell for that shyt...


Me 41: BS
Her 29: WS
4 children between us
Together 6 yrs: Married 19 months
EA/PA 15 months
OP 51: married with 4 children, close in age to my wife.
D Day#1 3/13/13
D Day#2 9/28/13
NC Letter 2/17/14

Hardship is a pathway to peace...


Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: West Coast
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you're here...

I would definitely tell his wife! Regardless of him having cheated in the past, she still deserves to know now!!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
keptmyword
♂ Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I Love my wife.... And she has said a few times that she wants to work on the marriage but she can't seem to stop communicating with this idiot!!!!

This woman is still deep within her dopamine-rich bullshit, love-of-legends fantasy world.

One highly-proven method of extracting her from it is to give her a mega-dose of consequences in the form of a served Petition for Dissolution of Marriage signed by the appointed family court judge. Apply this IMMEDIATELY.

This woman you see now is a fucking zombie. Instead of feeding on flesh though she feeds on bullshit-rich flattery from her shitbag "soulmate".

My ex wayward POS wife was the same exact way. She could not cease communications with her flattery/validation-for-sex adultery partner. No matter what the cost: her family, childrens well-being, dignity, relationship with her parents, etc. It wasn't until AFTER I divorced this disgusting neurotic that she finally stopped. All the while she wanted to reconcile with me. Can you believe it? You'd better believe it!

Retain a divorce attorney.
File for divorce immediately.
Have her served - publicly if possible.
Focus your efforts on YOU and YOUR CHILDREN.

Re-evaluate if you really love someone who would do this to you AND your children.
Again, protect your children. Children, by far, get the worst when it comes to adultery.
You can divorce her - they can't.

Keep coming back to post and get advice. We've all been through this.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2012
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Re-evaluate if you really love someone who would do this to you AND your children.

Basically, this woman cheated on you before and during the marriage....with the same guy. You know, the one that she hid from you when she got the job.

She only stated that she wanted to work on the marriage after the other guy was physically out of the picture. Yet she has taken no action.

What is it that you want to reconcile with? The old her? The new her?

It is possible that this has ALWAYS been the same person. I think that it is important to step back emotionally from this relationship, and make a re-evaluation.


BH-46
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2035 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
StillPositive
♂ New Member
Member # 42321
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for posting... As you all know I some serious work to do. Gotta get myself together and focus on me and my children... I'm in a good place this afternoon. We'll see how long this lasts...


Me 41: BS
Her 29: WS
4 children between us
Together 6 yrs: Married 19 months
EA/PA 15 months
OP 51: married with 4 children, close in age to my wife.
D Day#1 3/13/13
D Day#2 9/28/13
NC Letter 2/17/14

Hardship is a pathway to peace...


Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: West Coast
Topic Posts: 9

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