You may not have a partner to help you navigate this, but you do have us.
This morning, I was driving my 1969 Ford F100 to work. (My other car is a Prius, seriously.) I go in at 10 on Thursdays. My teenager had accidentally left the dome light on in the truck and drained the battery, so I got a jump from roadside assistance, and left about 45 min early so I could take a leisurely route and re-charge the battery. (Prius was in the shop getting routine maintenance today.)
So I was driving through the SC countryside, two lane roads, sunny day, beautiful. I was thinking about your situation, WB, and wondering how you were doing. I thought about all the people I know who've been through losing loved ones, and my own losses, especially with my mother's death, which was long & drawn out and just awful to go through.
Many of us go through these things without a partner, and as you described it so well, we all long for someone to hold us when we feel overwhelmed and so wish to have that partner who has your back, no matter what.
It's so sad not to have that. I know. The virtual world may be little comfort, but I do hope it holds some comfort for you; it does for me. And I hope that friends will draw near and be there for you.
So I was thinking about all this, and sending good mojo through the ether to you. Hope some of it got/gets there.
Here is a piece by David Brooks in the nytimes on **how to be there** for someone going through devastating events. He's a political writer usually, so this is way out from his usual stuff. This piece is excellent though. It may give some vocabulary on how to ask others for help, also.
It's called "The Art of Presence."
Also, WB, (and actually this goes for all the good faithful men on these boards), but it means a lot to me to see that there are good guys out there. When I feel like the world is full of selfish, cheating jerks, I can think of you guys. So thanks for proving that good men do exist !!