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Newest Member: DaveVP (44299)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Please tell me again why what I want to do is not a good idea
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she wanted to reconcile she would be putting effort into it. If and when she shows (by sustained actions) that she is serious about reconciliation, open up your heart to her. In the mean time, sending that letter or other openness to her is only setting yourself up for hurt and pain. All the while it will not accomplish anything.


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 358 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry, brother.

We have had minimal contact, but our last contact was that she "needed time" and wants to ultimately reconcile.

Seriously, if she wants to "ultimately reconcile", why does she need space?

You know the answer, it is just that your heart is having a problem accepting it. She has no plans to reconcile, unless her other options fall through. Don't lower yourself to accept this. Your last response to her was good; the only thing that I would as is that not only can you accept either decision, but you are WORKING towards your life without her...and at some point in the near future, reconciliation will not even be an option.

This is your life. Don't let her effect it any more than necessary.


BH-46
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 1996 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


We have had minimal contact, but our last contact was that she "needed time" and wants to ultimately reconcile.

What this actually means is this...

I want you as a back up plan. I am telling you that I will reconcile so you will be waiting for me while I am out having my fun. Once my "footing" is secure enough, I'll tell you I don't need you anymore. Until then I need the potential security that you provide and I need to keep you waiting. If the OM drops me, I'll come back to you until I find another OM to leave you for.

Sorry but that's how this sounded when I read it.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 341 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I have to read it the same way. If she wants me, then she wants me now. Otherwise, I have to move on. Time to find out how strong I really am.


"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

Posts: 881 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the inside, I'm dying still, but I'm not telling her that. I have no choice in what she decides, but I do have a choice in how I handle myself going forward, and dammit I will come out of all of this a better man, with or without her.

Your head knows this, but the heart takes time.
I was reading old posts from September-November.
You will get past this. One way or the other, you will keep living and start to thrive because your head already knows where your heart needs to go.
In September, I didn't think I would be half as healed or half as strong as I am now. It is just going to take time and take a lot of self care and self love.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2180 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's it man. Show her you are a lion and not a lamb. Best of luck to you brother.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 551 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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