It kind of scares me a bit because I don't need the nastiness that comes along with her caviler attitude about fidelity. She has a thing for MM and honestly believes the bullshit they throw out. Once they get their fill of her she gets discarded like 3 day old trash. Then she becomes so irrational and bitter there is no way I can deal with her. Naturally someone needs to be blamed for her shitty existence and that's usually me. Also our son is going to be 14 this summer and is going into HS. That alone is going to be hard on the boy. Now this is going on and I fear it will take a toll on him. It sucks that she forces her BF's on my son and once he gets to liking them they are up and gone like a fart in the wind. Not to mention at his age he has an opinion on everything and will voice it. That will lead to more troubles as she cant take being told the truth. I'm hoping I am wrong in my assumptions here, but I don't think I am. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens and pray for the best. I just hate that my son and I will most likely be the focus of her anger and resentment. Please pray for me and throw that SI MOJO my way.
I think you are borrowing trouble. I can't say I won't be doing it myself when the time comes and I too feel sick when I think of the parade of 'luuuurves' he is going to subject my children to. Not to mention modelling love addict behaviour just as his mum did to him. He will accelerate the self-destruction - not that he's not doing it now its just that it will be more obvious. Everything they've done to stave off their uncomfortable feelings will come crashing down around them and impact our children by proxy.
When the time comes I hope I can muster a bit of hope for the best, expect the worst.
Sending you as much mojo as I can muster that your prediction is incorrect. Chances are it is not - control/influence what you can, surrender to the rest.
The silver lining here is your son is soon able to choose where he spends his time. If that doesn't change her behaviour then he'll have to make a choice. Not something any of us wanted for our most precious but unfortunately these are lessons they will learn no matter what we do. It is a big bowl of suck.
But seriously, how nice would it be to be parenting with a functioning adult? Someone who can cope with life?
There is little you can do about her choices. You can TALK to your son, keep the communication open, and tell him it is OK to tell her how he feels.
I have to remember that what ex chooses to do is no longer my business or my problem.
"Not my circus…not my monkeys"
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
They are tougher than we give them credit for.
My sister emotionally abandoned my nephew when he turned 13 because she couldn't handle that phase, and she had an extremely psychotic BF at the time.
Fortunately nephew also had a fantastic grandma. He grew up and became a successful banker and put an ocean between him and his mother.
She sees him maybe twice a year now.
They pay eventually.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:50 AM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
You've done it before, you can do it again...
I have teenagers, and I have watched them grow to understand the personality traits of their dad...they understand more than I thought they would.
Most important thing is giving your son the loving support he needs as your XWW goes through her roll.
"Its not about you, it is about them...you are an amazing person and this is just a small part of what is going to be an awesome life" is what I tell my kids.