I am new to SI. My husband and I went on our first date 9/21/2012, engaged Thanksgiving 2012, married 4/13/2013. We have three children total (1 his and 2 mine from previous marriages). My dday was 1/7. I found emails to and from him to an ex girlfriend. I suspected that they were comunicating but never thought it would be at the level that I found. She is also
married. They were neighbors when he and his exwife were married.
Fast forward to Tuesday 1/7 - I
found (1) email from her - I can’t even remember what it said. So then I put her email address into the search engine and found about 8-10 emails. The most recent was from Friday after Thanksgiving. He actually sent one to her on Wednesday before Thanksgiving - that very day he had brought the children to meet me for lunch. It was snowing. He sent her an email with two pictures attached. One said something about her not being "fat" and the other was a picture similar to the I (heart) New York but instead it said I (heart) BRACE YOURSELF.... eating P*^^Y. Then his message in the body of the email was - "sending two pics. One cause you say you need to loose some weight, but I think not and the other one is because of you". She responded on Friday November 29 -"You are so good at it". I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I began to shake. I sent him a text asking him to please come home as he had taken my son to Cub Scouts. He kept asking me why.... I kept saying please come home. And finally he had asked too many times. I said to him - I found all the
emails between you and AP - you are a liar. He said "what was I supposed to do - she was talking about committing suicide". I was so mad - I just said. Come home and I'm gonna open all these emails one at a time and you can explain to me. I went back upstairs to look more in depth at what I found.
I found an email from him to her on 11/7 at 5:30pm ( I was on my way home from work and then going to the hospital for tonsillitis) – It was a quote about .... only once in your life, you find someone you
who can completely turn your world around (I THOUGHT THAT WAS ME)? She didn't respond to this one.
I found an email from her to him on 7/31 -just a picture of her. Sucks because she’s pretty. Got kind of a big nose but at first glance she’s pretty.
I found an email from him to her on May 14 - picture of us on our wedding day. First dance about to kiss. MY FAVORITE picture from the wedding. I always felt like it captured "love and passion" - WHAT A JOKE. She responded to him - "now go be the husband who loves the bride in this picture. We are over! But then sent another email response " sorry... still hard sometimes". This picture hangs in our bedroom and it makes me sick to even look at it. It no longer says the same thing to me.
I found an email that he sent her on 11/8/2012 (about two weeks before we got engaged). This was just a picture of her in her bra and panties posing in his old bedroom. Bed behind her with sheets all messed up. I’m sure they had just had sex. Then another email – same date - picture of her putting her jeans on in her bra.
Needless to say I got excuse after excuse and I was not hearing any of it. I told him the only reason I was letting him stay was those two little people downstairs. I told him he way to lay on his side of the bed and NOT touch me. I didn't sleep but about 2 hours.
The next day he told me he called her and was “very stern” with her that it was over. That he was committing himself to his marriage.
I felt like we made a lot of progress in that first week. He seemed to be remorseful. He wanted to be close to me all weekend. Didn’t want to leave my side. I finally found myself wanting to kiss him and be close to him. I even was willing to make love to him.
Then on Tuesday 1/14 again while he was out scouts - I started digging a little on the computer upstairs. I found a picture that he had taken of himself naked. I decided to wait and ask him about it. There was no indicator as to if he sent it to anyone. So on Wednesday morning I sent him a text and asked him point blank - if he “had ever taken a picture of his penis”. His response was “I did a long time
ago, way before we were engaged or married” – LIE. I asked him what “he did with it” – He responded – “deleted it” – LIE. I asked him if he emailed it to someone and he replied “that was long ago (July) and he “didn’t think he did” - LIE. Took it as a joke – he “couldn’t get the nerve to do that.” –LIE. I then asked him what his plans were for it then – and why he took it. He said he was “asked to” and I asked
“by who”. And he said someone I was talking to way before we met – LIE. He not only sent one picture – he sent three that I am aware of. One after we starting dating and Two after we were married.
So based on his lies - I started digging a little more on Wednesday at work. I went to his Icloud email account and this is where I found the most disgusting things I have seen. See this email account is used when you send pics from your phone via email to someone. I guess he never thought of this....
I found pictures mostly from women (multiple) to him. Most of the emails came from AP but there were some from others. He “doesn't know who”. These pictures contained the following:
Pictures of AP naked breast (and two other women)
Pictures of AP naked body (and one other woman)
Pictures of AP v*g&^a (and one other woman)
Pictures of AP m*st**b&^&ng with a toy
Finally I found pictures that HE sent to women. None of which went to AP. I found
11/2012 - Picture of him and his erected p$%^s - Sent to his friend with Cancer that is over 60 years old
Date unsure - after we were married though - picture of his p*&^s to a woman he couldn't remember
July 2013 - picture of his p*&^s sent to his ex wife's best friend
In addition, he told me he never told her he loved AP – yet in the emails I found, I saw numerous times that they exchanged I love you’s. Either him telling her or her telling him. Once that he would “always love her”. He said he never bought her anything when I asked. Yet I found a delivery confirmation from Adam and Eve store for various items – one of which was a satin chemise. Was this not for her? If not then who???? Granted this happened before we got engaged. I never got
answers on some of the questions I had. I feel like he is not honest in what he has done. He hasn’t addressed the level of it. “It was just emails” THAT’S NOT TRUE. In addition to the “just emails” there
were texts, pictures, songs sent back and forth. As disgusting as the emails I found were – I can’t imagine what the texts were like? I will never know this part of the story and it does haunt me.
After he told me that they weren’t seeing each other anymore. I found a picture of AP and his daughter from 10/8/2012? By that time in our relationship – I had already met his daughter and spent ample time with her. He had met my son. He had already expressed to me that he thought he loved me. Makes me question what those words mean to him. He “loved” me yet spends time with his daughter and another woman. He loved me yet in November – just weeks before he proposed to me – he
sent a picture of his erected penis to a woman that I was always told was a “friend”. I have some friends that are males but none of them have ever seen me naked. This “friend” is also the one that has
cancer. I always thought it was so endearing that he prayed for her, checked on her (as she’s an older single woman) and was there for her. Now I have to look like the horrible wife that has asked her husband to sever the tie with the lady with cancer? He told me this was a joke. He is very close to this woman's son. So my response to him was " so if I shared this pic that you sent to her with her
son would he think its funny?" To which he responded - No. We saw her son while we were bowling with our children. I was disgusted. All I could think the whole time was – If he only knew what he had done to his mother. WH continued to have fun with the children and I tried as best I could but couldn’t move past this.
Can anyone relate????
I feel like I need to work through these feelings and I need help. I can’t just forget them so quickly. The images are in my mind. The questions of why, who, etc. I feel angry, hurt, and disgusted. Why several times a month (every month) since we have been together (dating, engaged, and especially married) has he chosen to receive emails of women. Their naked breasts, their va*&N^'s, and them
pleasing themselves? Could he not respond to them “I’m married (happily or not) – Please stop”? These were all people he knew. On a personal level. Not just some women from a porn site with no face…..
How foolish must I look to these other women that my husband “loves me so much” that he would willingly continue to accept these pictures and in turn send pictures? I found that AP actually sent him several pictures on Christmas in her sexy Santa outfit. When I asked him he said he didn’t want to ruin our Christmas – Did he tell her that? Nope just continued to accept the pictures. She also sent several others during the month of December of her naked body, breasts and pleasing herself. SICK AND DISGUSTING!
I want so badly to believe him when he tells me he’s changed – “Old man is gone” but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I was starting to trust him. Allowing myself to get close to him. Now here I am right back where I was. Why would he lie? After he saw I was willing to work on it and I was committed to US?
I gave him everything – my whole heart. It wasn’t easy but I gave in and gave it to him because he made me feel like I could trust him with it. Loving only me. He took that heart and punched a hole in it and gave it back to me. This is going to take time and I’m not 100% sure that WH is willing to be that patient.
Does he think he could just say he’s sorry and “poof” everything would go back to where it was?
Has he told anyone the extend of this? Has he even been honest with himself? Is he sorry for what he did or sorry for getting caught and having to deal with the backlash?
We are seeing our pastor for counceling. This week has been ROUGH. I cant get past the images. Most of the stories I read on SI are of people married for multiple years. Has anyone else had to deal with this since the beginning of thier replationship with thier spouse? Feeling like the enitre time you have known eachother has been a LIE?