Do you think that you would want to make it work if your husband was telling you he wasn;t sure if you were what he wanted? I feel stupid for wanting it to work, but I love him so much, I want him to change. I truly believe he has it in him but I know I cant force him.
If it were me I would not sit around and wait for someone to "Decide" if they want me in their life. You are so much better than what you've been given. You are not married to the man (I know this doesn't make it hurt any less)but you have options. I promise you that there is someone out there that would not treat you like you've been treated.
Had I not been married and had kids I would've walked away. It would've hurt but I would not build a future with someone who is not worthy in my eyes.
Take my advice with a grain of salt. That is just the way I think about these sort of things.
More than a year later, he's very different. About 10 days ago, he told me that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him (not pre- or post-sex, not to get something from me, not to butter me up--just as we were falling asleep).
Mind you, now that I've been on SI, I realize that my actions at the beginning (begging/pleading for our M) weren't ideal, but they happened. What I DID do that was good was I started to realize that I needed to be selfish. Self preservation. If he left me, I needed to be mentally stronger. If he left me, I needed to be physically healthy. If he left me, I needed to be emotionally prepared. So I started taking time for me. I started working out. I started spending time with my best friend. I started worrying less about him and more about our children. I started trying to love myself more than I loved him.
He changed. He's starting to do the work he needs to to become sober. He's VERY slow. But my time table--for him to change--is five years (when my last child leaves home), and if I'm not abused in the meantime, then I can afford to be patient. In our situation (SA), it's worked. Like others have said, though, as much as I truly love him, had this all happened before we married and brought four children into the world, I'd likely have cut my losses.
Best of luck to you! It hurts to love so deeply, but it's a good thing to be capable of. If he chooses not to be worthy of that love, someone else, someday, will be. Hugs!
[This message edited by RippedSoul at 5:19 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
[This message edited by BrokenPiecesofMe at 5:40 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
The absolute best thing you can do, which I did not and wish I had when I first found out, is kick him off the fence. Tell him you're done, go be with her. If that's what he does, you are better off knowing now rather than 6 months from now like me.
Hang in there.