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Newest Member: brokenwildhorse (44210)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: being single forever
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still like the fairy tale idea of romantic relationships, but in practice I'm starting to feel like REAL relationships are too much trouble and too painful.

It's okay to be single indefinitely, right? To find my own warm feelings, somehow, and not have to deal with someone else's crap?

That would be awesome.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little withdrawn.


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 676 | Registered: Nov 2012
JessicaFL127
♀ Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's still early for you; you may change your mind. I would be okay with it at this point in my healing, but I am extremely busy and happy being single. I wouldn't stop something from happening but I won't go out of my way for it.


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I probably will. This isn't a logical decision I've made. I'm just feeling both somewhat jaded/bitter about relationships (which is obviously my recent experience catching up with me), and at the same time feeling somewhat more self sufficient and having my own standards.

So like all feelings, it's subject to unpredictable change.


Me: born 1982.
DD: born 2006 (I have abt 80% custody).
My D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013.

Posts: 676 | Registered: Nov 2012
JessicaFL127
♀ Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand; I have been there. I love my life the way it is, but the willingness to be in a relationship is starting to resurface. I guess that means I am ready now. I am perfectly okay with whichever road I take- single or coupled.


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
worried_lady
♀ Member
Member # 27605
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh I hope it is ok to be single for a long time. I am going on 20 years. If I met the right person I might change that but if I don't I am just fine doing exactly what I want to do and loving every minute of it.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

Posts: 450 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
fooled08
♀ Member
Member # 21827
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been in two (1 1/2 year) relationships since my divorce in 2009. The most recent officially ended yesterday. At this point, I will just take time to enjoy new hobbies and meet new people (friends).

Honestly, I am content alone (a little too content). I can't imagine letting anyone in again, but I refuse to become jaded and think that it can't happen:)

I think when you are fully healed, and completely at peace with who you are and what you want, then the right person will come into your life:)


me: 34
xh: 30
D-Day: 10/08
Divorced 1/09
No children

Posts: 163 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Iowa
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I doubt there will ever be anyone remarkable enough to risk this shit again. Certainly not for the next decade or so whilst my girls are growing up.

Right now my picker is still on the fritz. I don't trust my own judgement. I quietly judge those who do try to get into relationships with me - WTF dude, my world blew up 2 years ago, I'm only just divorced. I'm clearly not ready. Yet still, there's pressure straight off the bat. I just don't get it.

*I* wouldn't date me right now - let alone me dating anyone else.

Plus I'm enjoying my independence a little too much. Like, a lot.

If/when the time comes I don't want the fairytale - too co-dependant for me. I want someone who is willing to take their time and willing to let me take my time. I'm not just picking for me anymore, I'm picking for my girls too. This guy will become a part of my girls lives. Unlike their father a pulse, daddy/mummy issues and genitalia are not on my 'must haves' list.

I'd say its more than OK to be single indefinitely. Its even more OK to be OK about it.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5393 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is just fine to be single forever. I have been divorced 5.5 years and have only sporadically dated. Now, I am not interested at all.

I am realizing I have a very broken picker, I also don't trust my judgement and ability to get myself out of a bad situation.

The more I am single the more I enjoy my own company, and my own life. I don't need someone else to complete me.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2605 | Registered: Jan 2010
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to feel the same way. I still do to a point. I am perfectly fine with being by myself. I spend my time doing what I want to do with my kids and by myself. I am not ready to consider another person's emotions and feelings right now. I probably will be at a future date but right now I like being able to do what I want when I want and I don't want to give that up. Being selfish for the right reasons is a good thing. I am spending time on me and I needed it after the craptastic M that I had. I do have women friends that I hang out with but all of them know how I feel. I don't want a relationship, I don't want FWB's, I just genuinely want to hang out with some interesting people and enjoy myself and their company. There is no presssue when you tell people that up front and they get it. I get to have friends and it helps restore my faith in the opposite sex slowly over time.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1803 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like this. But, I have WAY too much going on in my life between moving, my daughter of 18 months.... and drama within my family to involve another person. I don't have the emotional space in my life or the time to include anyone else and am choosing to be selfish....and have been single now almost 2 years. I'm not even dating at all....and haven't been on a date since August. Its kinda freeing.....not worrying about what someone else is doing or trying to make time for them. I miss cuddling....and companionship....but I know that it may be a possibility someday. I won't rule the idea out completely... but he will be one heck of a catch! I will tell ya that!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will never be in another romantic relationship ever again.

Posts: 4677 | Registered: Dec 2009
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Older lady at work gave me the following unsolicited advice: only have sex on your lunch break and never give them your phone number. I chuckled and then thought hmm maybe.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ SBB - This:
Unlike their father a pulse, daddy/mummy issues and genitalia are not on my 'must haves' list.

Almost made me spit Diet Mtn Dew all over my screen laughing...


The fairy tale is overrated... I wanna hear about the princess who is perfectly capable of waking her own self up, thank you very much, and who has her shit together, and the Prince who has his shit together, and they decide to have their shit together, together!

[This message edited by PhoenixRising88 at 8:53 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 424 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely believe the right relationship IS romantic and easy and all the supportive things you dream it would be!

If it isn't, it's not the right one.

But don't worry that you're missing the boat somewhere....yours is waiting at the dock when you are ready! You can't miss a boat meant for some one else.

Enjoy doing your own thing for now!


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Topic Posts: 14

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