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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I almost blocked her. . .
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay!!!!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 852 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, Bionic gal!! I am so glad you did it. Now just hold strong as you are tempted to peak again. i know i have been there. but it is great not to see her and to feel safe. i am not so naive to think that if she wants to see my stuff or WH stuff on FB, she can create a bogus account to spy through mutual friends. but it is great to feel that she is not there.

I am happy for you. This is good.

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 3:52 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
Kyrie
♀ Member
Member # 41825
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK! I just followed bionicgal's lead and blocked the OW on FB, too.

Why was that so hard? Ugh.

Thanks bionicgal. You are brave and courageous and strong.


Me: BW (47), WH (48)
Married 24 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 When diagnosed w/STD
Told it was 15 mo. PA that ended 6 years ago
DD#2 04.06.14 Truth: PA was 2yrs/8mo
Separated for 6 weeks
Reconciling and healing now

Posts: 192 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: southeast USA
alleyk
♀ Member
Member # 42270
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had a bit of a different perspective, maybe because I've wanted my image to haunt the OW because in my case, my WH told her he was separated from me during their A - so in that regard I can't blame her for what she thought was a legitimate relationship.

Now that she knows the truth however, its a totally different story. Right after it was revealed to her, she kept trying to 'like' his posts and stuff our business page, on Instagram, etc. until I asked my WH to block her, which he did. It was like she was trying to legitimize a situation she now knew wasn't. And her continued attempts at contact have put me on guard - so I have wanted to keep her unblocked, and keep mutual friends on FB, so everyone knows the truth!

Maybe she didn't know she was a homewrecker before, but she most certainly does now. So me not blocking her I feel has been a measure of protection.

Am I crazy?


Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OnAnIsland-The best part is I can write whatever I want now, without thinking she may inadvertently see it, or whether I should put it on public view, etc. I didn't realize what a weight that was! I can't believe she can't see what I write on my friends' walls! Whew.

Kyrie - thanks for that! I don't always feel that way. Proud of you, too!!!

I will miss putting lovely pics of H and me as my profile picture and knowing she sees it sometimes, but I feel like I should do all of that for me, and my actual friends, and not a ghost of a mistake.

So, feeling happy. (And a little scared and check-y, still, to be honest!)

[This message edited by bionicgal at 5:10 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1946 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Tickingtock
♀ Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Random points: 1) If you decide to unblock OW (after a few glasses of wine or whatnot), just know that facebook won't let you re-block her for 24 hours. So no peeking.

2) Because you and OW cannot see each other, you may end up commenting on the same post. For example: a mutual friend's post shows up in your news feed, and you and OW both comment on it. You can't see that she posted (like it doesn't exist) and she can't see that you posted (doesn't exist) but everyone except you 2 can see both posts. That weirds me out.

*Fun fact: A couple of years ago, I blocked my old boss on facebook after I found out that my coworker's husband left her for our boss. I walked off the job when I found out. Ironically, I didn't know about the A for months after everyone else because I was never on facebook and the A was ALL OVER facebook . I have been on facebook almost every day since...


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 173 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tickingtock - I can see where us blindly posting on the same thing might become apparent to someone, but hopefully not. I am just so grateful that I do not have to think of her any more when I post! I can pretend she doesn't exist!
Sweet freedom.

(And thanks for the tip about unblocking; I am sure I will have an occasional slip up.)


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1946 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you block someone you can't see anything that they post or if they are tagged in someone elses post or anything.

The only thing I noticed you CAN'T avoid, is if a facebook friend posts a picture WITH the blocked person...you will see it.

Other than that, you shouldn't see anything associated with them at all!!

My advice is to block her immediately!! Not only is it the right thing to do (for your own sanity!), but she will also not be able to look at your page or see anything you post either.

Also...its sends a message...the right message

[This message edited by 4everfaithful83 at 6:53 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whoops! just saw that you did block her. lol

good job!! :)


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kyrie and Bionicgal: So proud of you guys; you have much strength and courage. I felt like I want to follow your examples, but I still hold onto the fact that she has been posting his initial and a heart plus her initial, their prom pic, etc; It weirds me out that she is posting these less and less subtle messages and I am afraid to be unaware of what is going on. My husband says that if we don't look, we don;t know so it cannot hurt. By checking it is causing more unnecessary hurt. I agree, but am still not ready yet to let it go. I feel like I have made soo much progress in letting go of some really tough issues and made real peace, but I seem to be really stuck in this area.
Please keep me posted…. I am hoping that I will be able to get there too, sometime in the near future. Congrats on another milestone in your recovery and healing!!!!


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 544 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neverwud - you'll get there! Yesterday our MC said that when the trust for my H got to a certain level, it would be easier. I think it actually made him feel good that I let go of that portal; me seeing into her life made his life more difficult, and me blocking her showed that I have increasing trust in him.

Also, I just found it important to remember that it was not an accurate picture that I was getting, anyway. The AP was my friend, so there is little chance that she was posting things publicly for much other reason than making sure I had a particular view of her. (I don't think I am narcisstic, how could it be otherwise with the affair only 8 months out?) It could of course be true that she wasn't thinking of me at all, like during the affair.

But regardless, her posting on FB is only what she wants people to see -- it isn't necessarily the truth, or paint her life in any realistic way. I was probably her top friend on facebook when the affair was going on, and I had no idea -- even when she was posting things like: "Worst day of my life," when my H tried to break it off with her.

Her name did still come up on a friend's page today where they tagged her to look at something (kind of an "ouch," as this person knows about the A, although the AP doesn't know she does.)

But, other than that, it has been great!

[This message edited by bionicgal at 12:42 PM, February 7th (Friday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1946 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bionicgal: Thank you for sharing your experience with me. You know the funny thing about what your marriage counselor said makes me wonder what my real issue is; I TRULY trust my husband now that there is nothing going on. I have come to understand so much regarding the dynamics of his affair, and I do not believe that what he was feeling for her was love. This was a HUGE hurdle, but I got there after rigorous questioning and deep conversations, follow up IC exploration on both our parts, and I am finally at peace with that. I do not feel that we are at risk.
So…..I guess my goal now in IC will have to be, why do I still need to monitor the OW's mood? Why do I need that security.
So glad you found relief and liberation. I am going to work hard to get there myself someday….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 544 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 32
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