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User Topic: Are Affairs always due to "brokenness"?
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is broken and needs exploring,

he enjoyed it

-not enough value inside worth protecting, not enough value lost, not enough intrinsic motivation to say no, -resulting in animalistic like, survival-like, selfish-like, short selling behavior.



BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

My dog farted, startled himself, wondered where the noise came from. I wish my life was as simple.


Posts: 683 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are words that have very little meaning to me because they are so overused. Brokenness and special are two of them.

I think most people whether they are a BS or WS or neither could be labeled as broken because of the way they cope, or other aspects of their lives.

I believe that many or at least some who "cheat" have a different set of morals, different than the morals of those who don't cheat. They don't think it is "wrong" to follow their hearts (or lust). They consider it natural and almost unnavoidable. They believe themselves to be "wired" that way. That does not make them "broken" but does make them "not my kind" of person.



Posts: 5682 | Registered: Apr 2006
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is broken and needs exploring,

he enjoyed it

-not enough value inside worth protecting, not enough value lost, not enough intrinsic motivation to say no, -resulting in animalistic like, survival-like, selfish-like, short selling behavior.

With all due respect, maybe, maybe not.

In a world of Ashley Madson, AFF, Craigslist, etc.. it is too easy to find no-strings sex.

In a world of FB, smart phones, cell phones, 100's of free email services, its easy to stay hidden.

Yes, many people have severe FOO issues, but given enough time, a psychiatrist can find issues with anybody.

As BS's, we wish to answer "why?" easily and deflect some blame off of our WS and on to "circumstances". In most cases, they are looking out for the most basic of animal instinct and after themselves.

All we can do is either accept that bad choice, maybe get to the root of it, and either D or accept and move forward.

On SI, we find people of a similar mindset about monogamy and commitment. If you go to mainstream websites and magazines like Ask Men, Cosmo, etc. although not telling people to cheat directly, they glorify a life of multiple partners, no commitment, mind blowing sex.

As my kids get older, I preach to them the anti-message of all that. They have to understand the joy of an LTR and the consequences that come from breaking that commitment.


[This message edited by cvs2kkids at 7:52 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH (43) Her WW 41

R'ing going,going..gone!!
Divorcing!

She no more will have that power over me. I can make, and will make, my own happiness. We we're a good team at one point, but I am great as an individual!!


Posts: 185 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In a world of Ashley Madson, AFF, Craigslist, etc.. it is too easy to find no-strings sex.

In a world of FB, smart phones, cell phones, 100's of free email services, its easy to stay hidden.

Right. So we can either conclude that having an affair is right or wrong depending on how we craft and spin our thoughts. However, if we conclude that having an affair is wrong, and with all the stealthly no-strings opportunities existing out there, then what else stops a person from having an affair? The only stop that remains comes from within, and if we can't call that stop broken then how can we call having the affair wrong? My thoughts are that when things are right, having an affair should feel wrong, cause pain, and certainly should not be enjoyed for several reasons. Having an affair should be taking away, more than it provides.



BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

My dog farted, startled himself, wondered where the noise came from. I wish my life was as simple.


Posts: 683 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right. So we can either conclude that having an affair is right or wrong depending on how we craft and spin our thoughts. However, if we conclude that having an affair is wrong, and with all the stealthly no-strings opportunities existing out there, then what else stops a person from having an affair? The only stop that remains comes from within, and if we can't call that stop broken then how can we call having the affair wrong? My thoughts are that when things are right, having an affair should feel wrong,

This! When I say broken I mean they have personal issues that allowed them to have an A. There is something that stops people from having As. That thing in them is broken.

That doesn't mean people who don't cheat don't have their own problems, most do. It just means the A is a symptom of unhealthy thinking and behaving that originates from something deeper. It's why they can't fix it on their own. Their "fix" of the problem was to have an A. They clearly aren't qualified for the job of figuring themselves out.

Same with people who are just assholes. The only difference is the assholes have no intention of getting "fixed" because they don't have a problem with the consequences of their actions. They are fine to continue using people's lives for their own benefit. They will probably be pissed at losing control over their BSs but there is no empathy there, just an asshole.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 693 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's why they can't fix it on their own.

But they can, and they must, otherwise they are allowing themselves to be controlled by fear. Choosing not to have an affair should be a positive choice which must be derived from a new set of beliefs, imo


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

My dog farted, startled himself, wondered where the noise came from. I wish my life was as simple.


Posts: 683 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Topic Posts: 46
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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