Rather than generalize, I will share that here too, there is no remorse from Perv. It's shocking to realize, but is there. It opens our eyes, sometimes, to cruelties in life that were not there before. In some sense, marriage is a cushion. It's like being tossed from a plane with no chord to pull and someone up there laughing a hyena's laugh.
What I've been discovering is that Perv lives his life full of feelings of entitlement. This is a way for him to cope with what he did, but he also concentrates on "all that he did" during the marriage, rather than "all that he did" to end the marriage.
So in this way, he feels that he earned his train ticket off the rail that was our marriage. He feels that he suffered misery in marriage and "look how long I stayed", rather than, "look what I did to my wife and family", for that would be admitting he did wrong. Very narcissistic, for he is the NPD king.
He has apologized for various things, but without action behind the words, they are hollow mockeries of my feelings.
The rejection is so tough to deal with and seems to linger long after papers are signed and after the letter X becomes part of our new vocabularies. This is a big part of life for me now, too, for some of the psychology isn't easy to swallow.
And what I find is that some of the only comfort in life is sharing time with other people who have lost a spouse, no matter what vehicle they left in, whether it is a spouse who left this way or one who died. It's hard to feel connected to anyone at present anyway, but those in a relationship or who haven't known this type of loss feel very far away and distant.Ashland 13
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge