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Newest Member: Questiounanswere (45696)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A thread for those with an unremorseful WS
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's all my exWW apologized for. But the way she said it was so matter of fact. Like when the dentist tells you..."I'm sorry, but you need a fillng."

Yeah, I got, "I'm sorry for taking 1/2 your life from you." Except it came out like, "I'm sorry I left the milk out last night."

But, there is a sting associated with an unremorseful WS that you just won't understand until you live through it.

Agreed. :(

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, there is a sting associated with an unremorseful WS that you just won't understand until you live through it

I couldn't agree more. It sucks almost every ounce of self esteem and worthiness from you. You constantly walk around thinking what is so wrong with you that your spouse can act like this. The rebuilding of self esteem is endless. Especially if they were great with blameshifting. Sure you may have gotten off the torture table quicker by not being in a long drawn out failed R parade. But I can tell you the length of time healing certainly makes up for that.

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rather than generalize, I will share that here too, there is no remorse from Perv. It's shocking to realize, but is there. It opens our eyes, sometimes, to cruelties in life that were not there before. In some sense, marriage is a cushion. It's like being tossed from a plane with no chord to pull and someone up there laughing a hyena's laugh.

What I've been discovering is that Perv lives his life full of feelings of entitlement. This is a way for him to cope with what he did, but he also concentrates on "all that he did" during the marriage, rather than "all that he did" to end the marriage.

So in this way, he feels that he earned his train ticket off the rail that was our marriage. He feels that he suffered misery in marriage and "look how long I stayed", rather than, "look what I did to my wife and family", for that would be admitting he did wrong. Very narcissistic, for he is the NPD king.

He has apologized for various things, but without action behind the words, they are hollow mockeries of my feelings.

The rejection is so tough to deal with and seems to linger long after papers are signed and after the letter X becomes part of our new vocabularies. This is a big part of life for me now, too, for some of the psychology isn't easy to swallow.

And what I find is that some of the only comfort in life is sharing time with other people who have lost a spouse, no matter what vehicle they left in, whether it is a spouse who left this way or one who died. It's hard to feel connected to anyone at present anyway, but those in a relationship or who haven't known this type of loss feel very far away and distant.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2353 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
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Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SeanFLA)) In my situation the fact that she is only remorseful for losing the things, the safety, the security that I provided is the worst. Each time I try and finalize the details of the separation she acts like I'm stabbing her and twisting the knife just to spite her. She(WS) only had an EA from what I understand. However, the OM left his wife and 2 kids for her, shes a home wrecker. She doesn't think what she did was wrong (its only been 3 weeks since d-day but the EA has been in full swing for 5 months). She still sees him everyday. She wont even talk to me. I feel that her lack of remorse is the worst part of it.

Every time she tells me she did nothing wrong, I wonder what happened to this beautiful person (emotionally) I dedicated 7 years of my life to.

Not to invalidate your feelings about PA vs EA. I feel that if it was strictly a PA. Not emotional or becoming a home wrecker. It would have been something I could get over. Maybe it's just an age thing?

2/1/14 11pm.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 64
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