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Newest Member: Questiounanswere (45696)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Living a lie
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you. I know this is a terrible time. You have gotten a lot of wisdom already from members. I absolutely whole-heartedly agree with them. He is the broken not make life even 1 percent easier for him. He has made his choices and has disregarded your health for them.

I am worried about your "chapped" lips. If the problem does not go away quickly with the medicines your doctor has prescribed, please see a dermatologist. It could be an STD of some sort. I am glad you have already been tested.

In the next few days, expect him to try to hit your "weak" places. The soft spots that he knows you have and try to worm his way back into the house, or your relationship. Keep strong, be watchful. Do not engage. Do not text other than about children or finances.

Take care of yourself right now. It is hard, but your children need you to be strong. You can do it.

Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1682 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
New Member
Member # 42358
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound like such a tender, sweet person. What a treasure your children must be. I don't have specific information about the finances and splitting custody, but I just want to remind you what a worthwhile and amazing person you are. Look at the sweet faces of your children for your proof.

And screw him for "missing" them when he didn't bother to think of them for... their whole lives while he was cheating? I would give anything for a house full of little ones. They and you are a treasure and he is the tarnish. Be strong and post often. Hugs to you.

Posts: 34 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: forwardfromhere
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Atkkcc, I'm so sorry you found us, but this site is a great source of support.

The one thing I wanted to mention is to please NOT burden your kids with the explanation that 'daddy broke his vows.' It's not fair to lay that kind of intensely personal and adult information on the shoulders of your kids.

I'd simply tell them that you and daddy can no longer live together. The key to successful coparenting is NOT using the kids against each other, and if you tell them what a deadbeat their father really is, you're going to do damage to their relationship with him that you'll never be able to repair. So think long and hard before you burden them with such private marital information. My ex-husband (25 years ago) was the biggest cheater on the planet. I didn't tell my son the real reason I'd left his father. That's not something a 9 year old boy should be privy to. When we moved out and into our own place, I simply told him that mommy and daddy could no longer live together and that we made much better friends than we did husband and wife. And I left it at THAT.

Seems your husband wants to call all the shots. He wants a divorce BUT he wants to come back home while it happens so he can have all the comforts of home in the process. So you'll still be doing his laundry, cooking his food, cleaning his home, making his lunch, and all the other things he probably hasn't done since the day he married you.

Unfortunately, your options are limited as you're financially dependent on him and that gives him an advantage over you at the moment. I'd seriously consider sharpening up my skills and getting a job because you're going to need one in the very near future.

Lastly, if he wants to come home, I'd set up a makeshift cot in the basement or garage. He's chosen to separate? Fine. That doesn't mean you launder his clothes and wipe his ass for him. It means he gets the privilege of living in the marital home while HE decides to break up a marriage you had no hand in breaking up. It doesn't mean you wait on him hand and foot while he goes about his ugly business.

Get to a lawyer YESTERDAY, atkkcc.

Good luck to you.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1887 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 23
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