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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The Timeline
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I've finally gotten to the point where I've asked H for a timeline of the A. H has said he's done lying and minimizing the A and wants to be completely transparent. I asked for date/times, how he lied about where he was, where they actually were/did. I think he might be working on it now as I type this.

I am really nervous about reading it and and am wondering whether it will hurt or help. I'd love to hear your experiences with the timeline. Thanks all.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 439 | Registered: Jan 2014
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I so identify with this!

To be honest it broke my heart!

But I had to know and I needed FWH to stop lying and to get it out on paper so I had a tangible 'memory' of his lies.

My advice is to accept it will break your heart but my hope is that, in time, you will be grateful he was able to do this for you.

I read FWH's timeline when I was alone too as I knew I wanted to digest it before seeing him in the flesh so to speak.

EAT:Typos

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 7:58 AM, February 7th (Friday)]


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1565 | Registered: Jul 2009
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((veronique12)))

I remember being in your shoes. Waiting for the timeline is terrible! I felt sick to my stomach almost constantly.

For me the timeline was helpful. I should mention, however, the first timeline WH did was utter crap. He left out most people and details. I basically filled it out for him with the little information he had given me. His second timeline was much better but it took him 6 months to get to that point.

It did hurt to read it. I cried a lot, and I had to read it multiple times over multiple days, because I really couldn't process it. But in the end it helped me heal.

Good luck to you. Its not easy, but I hope it will bring you peace eventually.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2012
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I got it today. Pretty awful to read, most of it he had confessed but not all. I got to learn some pretty horrid details. But I do think it was necessary, like a surgery I have been putting off that will end up helping in the long run. That said, I did freak out and leave the house a few hours later. Need some space. I guess the timeline brought the A from 2d to 3d, from black and white to color. The fact that the OW was a false friend who played me like a fiddle makes it even worse-- got to see just how good a fiddle player she was. Gonna take some time to process all this...


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 439 | Registered: Jan 2014
Crushed15Feb13
♂ Member
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(veronique12)

I'm waiting for my WW to finish hers too. Its very painful, but I figured I'd rather know the truth than leave it to my imagination.


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 31 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 5 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 205 | Registered: Mar 2013
lostinthesouth
♀ Member
Member # 41377
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@veronique12 just got mine too--couldn't even get through the first couple pages--its 54 pages Don't know if I will ever be able to read the whole thing because it was quite alarming and disturbing how much lying and sex, and other stuff went on right under my nose. Now I find myself back to square one and thinking I may not be cut out for the long haul. I just cant get past it-it was a serious blow. Hugs to us all! I hate this!

Posts: 101 | Registered: Nov 2013
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lostinthesouth: I'm sorry you are in so much pain. this shows us the true nature of the deception. I don't know about you, but I think I was shielding myself from knowing the extent by avoiding the timeline. I am def feeling the pain but hoping this will help me either process and move into R or know that I can't go on with H. Being in limbo with so many unanswered questions was worse to me. I think we both just need to breathe in and breathe out and understand that things are going to be extra hard before they ease up. Hugs to you. Keep posting if you need to vent.

Crushed: hope you are ok. Thinking about you and sending gentle and kind wishes.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 439 | Registered: Jan 2014
lostinthesouth
♀ Member
Member # 41377
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@veronique12 ty for the encouragement. I just try to remember to take it one day at a time.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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