I completely relate to this. I'm sorry .
I made my bed the most comfortable place in my home...probably the whole block. It's incredible. It's not someone's arms, but its beyond soothing, and it helps take the stress away.
Also, his arms may no longer hold any emotional soothing, but if they still have a way to sooth you physically, then give yourself them. Don't look at it as him gaining something. Make it very clear that it's about what you need physically. Nothing more. Kinda like a massage from the local salon. Use him. If it helps you, then do it.
Sometimes a warm bath with soft music, low lights, and some wine.