Months go by now & I don't even bring the A up
(even tho I still think about it every day). I am trying to focus on building our new marriage.
Yesterday , in the course of a discussion about some other developments at WH’s job (not re: WH's A, but re: OW's latest status),
& AFTER I ASKED HIM if there is anything else he hasn’t told me,
WH disclosed that recently
some coworkers asked WH’s supervisor if WH & OW were moved to separate floors because they had an A. The supervisor, who is WH's friend & confidant, quickly covered for WH, giving another reason which makes sense & should dispel any suspicions.
But, that means that WH’s reputation is still at stake & still in question due to his A.
WH has known this info for a couple of months, & decided that I didn’t need to know.
Last night he said that he “guesses that he repressed it”. He said that it only indirectly affects me.
I replied that it does affect me. I have to socialize with these people.
I feel humiliated by WH's A.
Of course, my question now is “What else hasn’t he told me?”
It doesn't take much for me to get suspicious & go back into hyper alert/ uber private eye mode.
My issue is that why isn’t WH forthcoming about everything now? Are we partners or not?
Maybe I am making a big deal about nothing.
that is the kind of "not facing issues or emotions" that got my own husband into such trouble in the first place.
Spot on. That is exactly what got our marriage into trouble in the first place, making WH vulnerable to have an A.
Thank you for sorting thru my rambling post & making the essence of the problem clearer to me.
It is exactly this issue that we keep going back to over and over again in MC.
If he has been truly remorseful and diligent, and this is atypical, it sounds like he is just human and fell into an old habit.
That's what I am worried about---was this a one time lapse back into that old bad habit, or are there still a lot of things he is not being open about?
Best of luck to you Neverwudaguessed & your WH. Sorry you find yourselves here with the rest of us.
I'd be livid.
He probably was uncomfortable/ashamed thinking about the fact that one of the possible consequences of his A with a coworker was that his reputation is ruined, that coworkers will think differently of him now, that he is not the solid family man----an identity that he took pride in.
But I thought we were trying to rebuild a new marriage, & we were a team, & were going to face the world together as a united front.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 3:07 PM, February 7th (Friday)]