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User Topic: Any WS behave differently with OP?
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I mean, like a total personality 180? WH was SO charming and acted like a completely different person around her.

I find myself mabye discussing different things with different friends, based on the level of the friendship. But I am recognizible with different people as just "me."

And where the heck was this "charm" hiding throughout our damn marriage?? I've NEVER seen him act those ways before.

What makes someone do things with someone else that you asked them to do with you many, many times but they acted indifferent to?


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my FWH's case, he had KISA issues coupled with emotional immaturity. Being charming was his way in to show he could "fix" the "damsels in distress" as well as to make them happy (in their supposedly miserable life).

What makes someone do things with someone else that you asked them to do with you many, many times but they acted indifferent to?

To impress. FWH didn't feel the need to impress me - I was already his and I was secure and happy and didn't need a "fixer." The "charm" is fake, so honestly, I didn't want that. I wanted the real him.

((((((Spelljean)))))


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: May 2007
TheRealDeal
♀ Member
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, yes, yes, raising hand here. it's like he became possessed by some alien person.

as a disclaimer I mean no disrespect to any people who like any of these things, but WS was not...well, not up until OW2 came into his life that is.

the arts. He refused to go to museums with me. Didn't like 'em, what was the point, only a bunch of artwork hanging on the walls, blah, blah, blah. Well, lo and behold, OW2 works in a museum. Guess who suddenly went to museums and art premiers and benefits, etc? I find every flippin' museum a trigger now so I avoid them too. perhaps one day I'll get over that trigger.

foreign films. I'm not into them and he never was either. But OW2 was. So he watched them and tried to convince me he liked them!

salad. with me he didn't "like" to bring salad for lunch because he'd need to bring the dressing separate, and the croutons separate. Yes, I know, it's dumb. But it was always "TRD, do NOT make me a salad for lunch. I do not want salad for lunch. I will not eat a salad for lunch". But OW2 apparently liked salad for lunch. So guess who started bringing salad for lunch?

yoga. with me I do yoga on regular basis. he wasn't at all interested in joining me, or knowing anything about it. But OW2 is involved in pilates. So guess who suddenly wanted to know more about yoga and asking me questions about pilates. That too is another trigger.

organic food. WS pre-OW2 always said "it costs so much more and there can't be too much of a difference". Post-OW2 "it'd be much better to buy everything organic" Well, yeah, it probably would be but considering our budget doesn't allow for that, it won't happen.

protein shakes/blended drinks. WS pre-OW2 couldn't be bothered to make them and never wanted one when I offered. With OW2 he couldn't get enough of 'em.

toiletries. pre-OW2 he bought his soap, lotions, body wash, etc at the dollar store. with OW2 he started buying these at a very-high end toiletry shop...to the tune of $28 for body lotion, $25 for soap etc.

And guess what, he's now back to not interested in museums, foreign films, salad for lunch, high-end toiletries, organic food or protein drinks.

So yeah, the list goes on and on about how different he was. Alien-like.

it's incredibly pathetic that he had to pretend to be someone else entirely in order to find anything in common with her.



Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine acted with her the same way he acted during the beginning of our relationship... Infatuation--- it eventually it dies out, especially when the BS isn't giving any affair fuel.

The second I stopped playing XWH affair game and NCed him, their relationship started breaking down. No drama from me meant no affair fuel for him to keep his affair going.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..the affair is their 'fantasy' life... so they can be whoever they want in this double life..

..they act one way with you and can act out a totally different persona with the OP.

..I'm sure I would not have recognized my fWW in her roleplay as my bff's personal sex toy!!

..and maintained that role for 18 years, right under my nose.

..she enjoyed being two different people..until she got caught!

What makes someone do things with someone else that you asked them to do with you many, many times but they acted indifferent to?

..her specialty was full-swallow blowjobs for him.. didn't do it at all for me... she didn't want me to think she was 'that kind of girl'!!


..behaved differently?????... well duh! NO SHIT SHERMAN!!!

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4117 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I read the emails between my WH and OW1, I was in shock. Who was this person?! It sounded like the dialogue in a romance novel written by a 13-year old!

About nine months into his cake-eating, after I got my bitch boots on, I told him to D me if he wants out. That I couldn't wait until she was with him 24/7 so she'd find out quickly what an asshole he was in real life. He told me I was mean.

It's all fantasyland, Spelljean. Sad, pathetic losers who want to be the KISA, the super cool dude who thinks he's impressing others. None of it is real. And it can never last. It's not who they really are.


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This topic really pisses me off to no end. Seeing my ww behave like she was towards the other man. I wish I got that treatment while I was out working and bleeding for my family. Work 50 hours a week and then shoeing rank horses on my days off for extra cash. They wonder why we just can't accept "sorry" and "I'll never behave in this manner again" "Lets work towards a better us, better than ever before". Horse shit and hog wash.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 588 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally. My FWH is a very kind, tender man normally. With OW he seemed to play some machismo tough guy (I was fortunate enough to see them together, and how they interacted, on my Dday when I confronted him, and he left with her).

It was disgusting.

Months into R, OW wrote how she just couldn't believe FWH would change so much to be with me.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2214 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What makes someone do things with someone else that you asked them to do with you many, many times but they acted indifferent to?

Why chase what you've already caught?


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3691 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hand up over here. xWH hated going out, never danced, didn't drink and only went to activities which the whole family, kids and all, could attend.
Now, he goes to concerts, they hire sitters, they drink ALOT and they have regular outings with her friends (we didn't do outings with my friends). I could care less, I get to do different things now too so it really doesn't matter.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1701 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS xWH also went from being a kind, funny, helpful, loving and easy going guy to a complete controlling arse. No one wants to talk to him or hang out with him anymore. Sad


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1701 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband became a total asshole at home. It was awful.

Prior he was loving.

Now, he's loving, supportive, caring, comforting, helpful, laughs, enjoys his kids, and is relaxed.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is a totally different person to the outside world thn with me. He's a charmer. He's bold. He's a go getter. At home he's lazy. He treats me like shit. So. Yeah.


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by phoenixrise at 10:48 PM, February 7th (Friday)]


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes...mr. cool guy...texts full of happy faces which I never got...lots of wooing which I never got...makes me sick...he was just trying to get into her pants and succeeded must have got off on the thrill of the chase I agree they are in la la fantasy land if the relationship succeeded she would want nothing to do with the real him...pie in the sky fantasy...


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very enlightening. I knew WS's could behave differently, but reading the details of other BS's experiences, makes me feel less like a "bore" and more normal. I know I wasn't dull, I actually enjoyed all the kinds of things he did with "her" and he knows this. He knows he could have taken me to the mountains, to the beach, to nice dinners, to just about every place they went. Just wasn't fun to him anymore to do these things with me.

For him, half the fun of literally anything is being able to impress someone. If the people he is with, male or female, don't applaud, cheer, show complete respect or adoration, he is bored.

Which is why he was bored around my family. They were always nice and polite to him, but he wasn't getting that same feedback he gets with certain friends, other women, etc.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IDK, I have never seen them interact, he didn't text, e-mail, write letters or give cards. I have nothing to show how they were together. What I would have to assume, though, is yes he was different.

If he was the same selfish, mean, angry asshole he was around me, nobody would fuck him. But, he didn't treat the OW very well. He totally used it, OW was really a cumdumpster. He had many rules. Only talking during the week. No calls when he was home and with his family. No weekends, no holidays or special days (ie, birthdays) spent together. No gifts. No dinners out. No lunches. No dates.

I am sure FWH bragged a lot. I would catch him bragging sometimes, and he would be embarrassed when he realized I overheard him bragging. He was terribly impressed with himself, although, he was actually very insecure and had such low self esteem.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9496 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ding, ding, ding! You stumbled upon the word of the day, Spelljean: FEEDBACK.

Your WH sounds exactly like mine. The bucket with the hole that can never be filled with enough feedback or adoration. He's even told me over the years that he needs constant feedback. My reply was, "What are you? A two-year old?!"

So now he's paying third world prostitutes for that feedback and pretends to himself that they really love him for his sparkling wit, his muscular body ( ), and his intelligence, and not for the money and gifts he gives them. Pathetic.

And the truth of the matter is, he is the most boring person I have ever been around. Me, me, me, and more me, non-stop. I actually feel sorry for these poor girls, but I'm glad I don't have to try to fill that bucket anymore.


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course he did! If he'd treated anyone the way he treated me, they'd have told him to take a fucking hike.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8505 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. He always told me he wasn't the type of guy to go to bars. He wouldn't go out with my friends because he was shy. He was this super "good" guy who didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, stay out late, dance, etc, etc.

In MC, he said that he was attracted to OW because she was the center of the room and wild and crazy. She took her shirt off and danced naked in front of their boss.... He went out with her friends all the time. He drank regularly with her. He stayed out late at bars with her. He said that he had never had that life before, and he wanted it.

It pissed me off so much. I had begged him before the A to go out with me, and he wasn't that type of person. But he was with her. Then after the A he went back to not wanting to go out with my friends because he's shy.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

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