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User Topic: Any WS behave differently with OP?
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aren't most new R like this? Everyone on good behavior and complient ...I bet in no time they will lose their shiny new exterior and be faced with what they really are inside..yucky
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My H would send them these massive sweet emails and texts, and talk for hours on the phone. One phone call with some girl was over 3 hours.

His texts to me are one word responses. He doesn't even read my emails, and he rushes to get off the phone with me. Every time I try to talk he says, "aren't you going to be home soon? Let's just talk then, you know how I hate being on the phone."

They got 3 hours of being called beautiful and told how sexy they are. I get a guy on the sofa in his underpants, farting in bed, and getting told that because I am a woman, my place is in the kitchen. And apparently I should feel honored that he "picked me" by not leaving me for one of his online sluts. Lucky me I guess?

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ Member
Member # 31504
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The brutal reality is that after 26 years in relationship with me, he waltzes in and starts literally charming the panties off of her.

Let me see, strange man in a gym, Hungarian accent, married, safe, right?

Yep, after supporting her through 9 years of graduate school to get her PhD in clinical psychology, paying off all of her student loans to acchieve said doctorate, Mr. Gymratt is aparrently her soulmate after 6 months!

Reads like a Stephen King horror novel.

But wait... The story is not yet over!

Me BH-45
Her WW-44
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011

There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.

Posts: 493 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
♀ Member
Member # 29752
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes,...see signature... I feel like I was punished for wanting exactly what he was so eagerly giving away to a 'friend'...because, even though I was asking him to do right and just divorce me,...instead, I got to spectate all the build-up...

It is one of the many issues I still struggle with 3+ years out, especially given the fact that I still don't know who that man was. Nevermind, that he compounds the problem, by refusing to even acknowledge the fact.

I want to believe he was just a fuckwit but, can't honestly do so, simply because he was all those ways that I was told were the "...ideal that is in your head,..not me."

He was,..just not for me.

About the only thing, that I keep coming to is that, it really shouldn't be so hard. Never has been for me. Seems to hold true for him too, in anything else he truly wants...

Told my request was one so unlike being you. Then, was punished for asking, by watching you become all that I needed, for someone new.,..he traded my heart,for a hard-on.

BW~ me 38
CH~ he 38
20 years on 12/12/12, 2 kiddos 14&17
D-day 1

Posts: 67 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: here
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't help but to think of course they put their all in at first because it was something new like our relationship was at the beginning. It wasn't mature love like what they had ...most guys who enter affairs haven't grown up enough to appreciate a mature love maybe it scares them into thinking they are getting old?...rather they fixate like immature little boys on a romanticized whimsical @$$ which makes them feel that ego boost which if they were mature full grown confident men...they wouldn't need...also the thrill of chasing these easy slurs down as if they were some hard prize to get makes them feel manly and young again...they haven't grown up yet and have that teenage boy chase @$$ mentality...real mature men are over that and so much more attractive than little boys...loyalty and much more attractive on so many levels

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. My computer geek Star Wars nerd husband never wanted to leave the house and refused any type of family activity or outing with me. All of a sudden he was talking about 4-wheelers, mud bogging, and monster trucks. He was taking the kids out to eat, to the fire works, and to car shows while I was working....because OW and her family were there.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very strange... Why did my husband act exactly the same with the OW as he does with me? When I read their texts, it's like he was talking to me. He took her to the ONLY place he takes me. From behind she even looks like me. Once she turns around, there is clearly a difference. She's got a case of butter face The only thing I know of that he did differently is that he drank beer instead of liquor. She drinks beer though so I guess he was trying to make her feel more comfortable or something stupid. He never drinks beer. Oh gosh...I hate them both so much right now

Posts: 709 | Registered: Jul 2013
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes.

I will never forget the time I called him during the day. He answered with an irritated "Yeah?"

She called him later that evening and he said, "Hey! How are you doing?!!" Super excited voice.

He treated me and the kids like crap. He treated her and her kids like royalty.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
♀ Member
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg yes! It is still hard for me to get these texts out of my head! This is a big trigger for me. WH barely texts me but they sent lots of texts and it was all BS lies! His mother was sick in the hospital...uhh NO! He wanted her to have his baby? Uhhhh had a vasectomy in 2006, remember? There were also several comments about how he loved to see her smile...gag! I could go on and on but too painful, however, with the dumb lies, it has helped me see that this was definitely a fantasy, just about every thing he said was a lie!! It still hurts like hell though!!

Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ lalagirl

Story of my life. But here is the part that is the saddest to me. He is a KISA to this broad. But, let one of this daughter's come to him with a minor dilema and he will tell her,

"You're a smart girl. Figure it out. You get started and I will come help IF you really need me."

That is the one way I was able to shut him down about the OW "needing him." When I pointed that difference out, he deflated like a balloon..Hell, he 180'd me after that...Im fine with it.

Oh, and apparently, they fight alot....based on the DV charges I can pull up from the local courts...NEVER and I mean NEVER has he lifted a hand to me. Now, we have beat each other with sentences, but it never got physical. Trust and believe, I don't envy her.

[This message edited by NikkiD at 1:11 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. But, oddly, I got better treatment, it seems.

A was in progress, but not DD yet. XH would purposely dress like me, just to tease. If I changed my shirt, so would he. XH doesn't do this w/OW.

Read some email, pre & post exposure. Even the ones from the deep lurve period weren't very affectionate. No salutation from either, very brief, not very affectionate, just a name at the end. Email from XH, always had really long, goofy salutations & signatures.

XH wasn't keen on hanging w/my friends, wanted me to hang w/his, which I would. XH doesn't bring OW around his friends, the first few months that he did, he didn't introduce her to anybody. Exact opposite w/us. Now XH hangs out w/OW's friends, I assume b/c they don't know that it was an A.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 762 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
♀ Member
Member # 36067
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most definitely. Fwh was mean to me and our girls while in A and nice as could be to AP. They never fought and he never yelled at her. Typical of many WS. That's why today I don't take his crap anymore. I refuse to put up with his belittling, yelling and swearing at me and our girls.

"You can't unring that bell or unfuck that woman." (Chump Lady)

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. With (at least) one, he actually listened to her talk for several hours. As in, listened and took in her deepest darkest secrets and let her confide in him without interrupting or dismissing or snarking. Precious gift he gave to her. With another one, he didn't know I was standing there, and I heard him say to her that even her farts are cute. That one is hilarious in retrospect (and he probably honestly still thinks that about her!). Others he's gone out places with or sat together with, while he got resentful if I even askedů Yeah, he's treated a number of them in ways he wouldn't me. He's actually doing some of that stuff right now with me, like wanting to go out and saying my pimples are cute (right before he invades my space, pops them, and makes them worse). I honestly don't know how to feel. It's sweet of him, but I'd rather just sleep and take care of my health than worry about whether he thinks I'm on par with his OWs (or his exes) anymore. He still won't take back what he said about certain things he did with his exes being more exciting than anything I can try to do with him ("I've already done it all before I met you, so sorry but there's nothing new or exciting left for me to do!"). Pretty sure he didn't compare his OWs to his exes. At this point, the comparisons to his exes probably sting worse than some of his OWs, and I wonder if I'm nuts for feeling that way. But it's time for me to move on and stop suffering.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 4:18 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any event we went to WS was all over talking to big deal really except in my previous relationships, the guy usually enjoyed my company and we'd hang together most of the time and have a great time together connecting and laughing.

Last party we went to when it was time to eat, he grabbed a plate from the buffet line and went and sat by a really cute 20 year old instead of me. I let him have it when we left.

So, now I hear when he and OW go somewhere he stands by her side the whole time. Jerk.

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2204 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

half the fun of literally anything is being able to impress someone. If the people he is with, male or female, don't applaud, cheer, show complete respect or adoration, he is bored.

I identify with this one!

I recently had dinner with XWSO in a lovely restaurant. He starts smarming the waitress. His whole mien changes, his voice changes. And he wondered how I always knew when he had a new bimbo!!!!! Honestly. Another way I always knew was his interests would change to whatever the latest girl's were. It's like he has no real interests of his own and just soak hers up by osmosis. Yet, I know that's not true because he is a strong-willed person who practices radical sports. He's definitely another KISA. Tee hee, I think his latest bimbo will be his undoing, though. She may not be educated and she played the poor-little-me role perfectly to snare him but, man that girl has killer shark instincts!

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 7278 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Topic Posts: 35
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