Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: LostMyMojo (44700)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It's over. It has to be.
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've just been screamed at by FWH after a minor argument. He screamed and accused me of lying and then escalated it.

I asked him to stop but he then started using that language:
"You've always, you've never!"

Then he said I'd always been a hateful bitch and I'd always been horrible. So I asked him to stop using that language as it reminded me of his A language.

He then called me a bitch and told me to get the fuck out!

I said I have nowhere to go; that I'd leave in the morning and he needed to stop escalating this.

He then starts saying he's asked me for the last 6 months to take notice of him and I'm asking what the hell he's going on about.

It escalated so I pretended I was recording it on my phone and he then starts gesturing at me " cut throat gesture" " all about the money gesture" " get out"

Then says in a very calculated and calm way (cos he thinks he's being recorded) how I've always been a bitch; how he's always been scared of me and how scared he's been since his A as I always have something to hang him with ( please not I have never brought up his A in an argument)

I've got nowhere to go but I do know that if I stay I'm an idiot aren't i?

Why?

Because I've just been gas lighted ......

Gutted.

So ashamed.
So deeply ashamed after all this time.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1571 | Registered: Jul 2009
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsDoubtfire)))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37244 | Registered: Sep 2007
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

Do you have any close friends or relatives who you could go to right now?
I am so sorry he is treating you this way---you don't deserve this. Remember that it is not you, there is something wrong with him. You have tried the best you can.

Sending you strength.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1355 | Registered: Dec 2012
boontje
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Tell HIM to leave. I am so sorry ((mrsd))


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 934 | Registered: Aug 2011
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, honey.

Just to validate you, what he did was totally unacceptable. I know you know that, but..ouch.

Take a deep breath and make a plan.

CAN you make him leave? Will he go?

Do you really have no place to go? Even a hotel for a few nights would be worthwhile to help you clear your head and give you some peace.

I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. But do stand up for yourself, and protect yourself.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrs.Doubtfire, this is so sad and he was so terribly cruel. YOU have nothing to be ashamed about.

Why doesn't he leave?

Just be safe.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2228 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
IamDyingInside
♀ Member
Member # 41054
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrsdoubtfire, I am so sorry! Can't he leave instead? You didn't cause this he did! Hugs to you, hon!


Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right

Posts: 71 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((MrsDoubtfire))


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1114 | Registered: Jul 2012
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..his aggressive outburst appears to be a red flag for something else.. could he possibly be hiding something still and is acting out of control.. wanting to blame you for his feelings??

He then starts saying he's asked me for the last 6 months to take notice of him

..do you know what he meant by this comment?

..what is his love language? ..is he looking for compliments, validation, more activity in the bedroom??

..his anger could be about not being able to ask you for specific things, but he just doesn't know how to tell you.. his frustration coming out in anger.

..it's not to be tolerated in any case. How are his 'communication' skills lately??

..sorry you are being treated like the enemy here.. you deserve way better.

..also... if anyone should leave, it should be him.. tell him to go to a hotel and "COOL OFF" for a few days.

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 6:53 PM, February 7th (Friday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4120 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry...tons of hugs to you! Please be safe. Please let us know you're safe. We care!!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 880 | Registered: Dec 2013
Morhurt
♀ Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh mrs. DF, you are in my thoughts. You do not deserve that behaviour. Please let us know how you are when you can.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 902 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No shame belongs to you...it's all his.

Please take good care of you first......and then throw HIS ASS out.....he's the one who started this mess, not you....

(((Mrs.Doubtfire)))


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
PippaPeach6
♀ Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF???? I know you have put so much into this. Dear heavens, sending mojo and hugs 😢


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey you have nothing to be ashamed about. You're not an idiot for staying - never an idiot.

Can we start lining up teeny little ducks somehow? 180 180 180, and just take care of you.

(((Mrs. D)))


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 17019 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
joeboo
♂ Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wishing you peace.

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Feb 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Mrs. D)))

I just read this thread, and it cut me to the bone. Wanted to offer you my support and virtual hugs.

Thinking of you this evening, and sending you strength. We're here for you.


Posts: 6708 | Registered: Dec 2010
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

Posts: 1028 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MrsDoubtfire,
I too., had an incident tonight. We are Trying R, but if I ask him for anything, he suddenly reminds me that there was once when we went w/o sex for 7 months. When? where was I? Hello? Maybe I initiated and where was him?

I was called a (my last name) because that's what he does. Apparently us (last name)is more fucked up than his (last name).

Sleep in the spare room if you can. I can't wait until MC, because apparently WH only listenes to MC. So here we all go backing up a step.

Stand tall, kick his ass out if need be. You have been gaslighted. So was I, but I can at least reign him in by his stupid ways. At least he sees he was a (last name) and I wasn't drunk (which is what he gaslights me to be ) Stay in your house. Tomorrow, kick his ass out. You deserve to stay..he deserves to leave. Same with My WH. I'm gutted too. DON"T LEAVE.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 39
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.