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Newest Member: brierpatch (45434)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It's over. It has to be.
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry. If he's so unhappy, why doesn't HE leave?


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((MrsD)))) Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.

Are you safe?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25835 | Registered: Aug 2011
Oftencheatedon
♀ Member
Member # 41268
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please, please, please don't be ashamed.

Trusting and loving someone is nothing to be ashamed of.

Neither is trying to make your marriage work.

Anger would be better than shame. He should be ashamed of being such a terrible person.

I don't care what you have or have not done - his actions are reprehensible.


Posts: 109 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: AL
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he wants it over, HE can leave. Don't you dare leave. If he continues to be aggressive and threatening, call the police, have him forcibly removed.

Shit just got real, get your bitch boots on.

You're not an idiot, you gave it your all. My guess? He's started another (or restarted) affair.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. Your WH was totally out-of-line.
{{{hugs}}}


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8104 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like he is imploding. I am so sorry he is failing you so epically.

(((Mrs. Doubtfire)))


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((MrsDoubtfire))


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5696 | Registered: Aug 2007
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry. I've not yet had chance to read any replies. I'm just so..... Numb I guess. I shall read them all an respond as soon as I can get my bearings.

He's already done they crying and the apologising but from here all I can see is the bullshit !

I need to work out what the hell just happened; why it happened and where I go next and the find lone is who will be coming forwards with me in my future!

I'm strong guys. Just a little beat is all.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jul 2009
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Mrs Doubtfire)))))

You're strong, but like the rest of us only human. Wishing you well, whichever route you take.

And please, please don't ever be ashamed. I would imagine it's HIS shame that's got you into this situation.

Peace and light to you.


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 235 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, MrsD.

This is all about him. IMO, there's something he needs to share with you, but he hasn't found the courage to do it yet. I hope he finds it quick.

And I hope you protect yourself.

You sure don't deserve this.

(((MrsDoubtfire)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10420 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg. Where the hell did this person come from??? Could he be having some sort of breakdown??

You have always stuck out in my mind as one of the most positive people on here. And you've often given your H accolades for his progress.

I just don't get it. How could this be happening???

(((MrsD)))


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Mrs. Doubtfire)))


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 501 | Registered: Jul 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK - what an asshole. Sorry - but what an asshole.

Honey, grab a suitcase and fill it with his things. Put it next to the front door. Tell him if he does this again, the bag goes out, followed by him. Accept no less.

((((hugs))))


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry he's acting out.
((((hugs))))


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
shatteredapart
♀ Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My WH has had a few of these moments since dday 1. They're explosive and scary. Take care of yourself. Don't leave. It's his issue. If anyone leaves it's him. I'm worried about you. Be safe. (((mrsdoubtfire)))


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
alleyk
♀ Member
Member # 42270
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsDoubtfire)))


Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
Trying2Survive1
♀ Member
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MD)))
Please, no shame on you. Take care of yourself now.


Madhatters, M 31 yrs
FWW/BS 57-BS/FWH 56
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You got this. You are a beautiful woman with an incredible strength of character. Look at what you have overcome with a good goal of keeping your family together. There is nothing to be ashamed of in giving someone a gift, regardless of how he chooses to value it.

Has the progress of your H as described un your profile reversed or just insufficient?


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 883 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Mountain West
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys.

I still have no idea why FWH reacted like he did and I am still scared and scarred by it!

We talked about it and he apologised and I said "Well guess what! Apology is words which equal Jack shit! You have put me right back in a M where I no longer feel safe! We, if we are to stay together, need help to get through!"

He said; "We have all the tools at our disposal to put this M right and we don't need any more ouside help to tell us what we already know!"

He says he has felt like an 'add on' to the M for the last 6 months and feels like if he asks for my time all he hears is "Hang on a minute- I just need to text so and so" or "Give me a second- I just need to sort this out for DD" etc etc.

WTF?

So.... you not only threw your dollies out of the pram but also almost managed to throw the wife out too ....and all because you aren't getting the attention you deserve? Get the fuck out of here boy!!

(Sorry- swearing just seems so appropriate right now).

The reason wy he will never leave is because THIS is the dream house he built from scratch with his savings so, despite it being in joint names, an supposedly being built for ME... in his mind it will always be HIS more than mine and he will never leave here!

So, where we are at the moment?

He thinks we are working on resolving this issue.

I am 'pretending' as I really have nowhere to go (parents live abroad and I am too proud to go sleep on a friends couch).

I am pretending until I know what I want to do.

I am genuinely stuck between wanting to work through whatever shit just blew up in my face and walking!


I know he has put in so much work to change who he used to be but, boy, I saw the old him the other day and that has just brought back all the scary shit he was doing during his A that I had let go of!

Trust me- someone on here asked if he had reignited things with his AP? There's no way she would take him back now--- particularly as he got my nickname tattoo'd on his arm

I knew that was the one thing that meant they could not and would not ever get back together as seeing my nickname would make her want to

Anyway- I am still alive and still wearing my bitch boots.

I just need to work out what the hell I should do.

I hate this feeling of having one foot in the M and now one foot out!

One thing is for sure though... IF that old H returns this bitch isn't going to fall down a second time!

I am slowly lining up my little duckies until I know what to do next.

My subtle 180 is to stay vigilant and detached whilst watching his every move to see whether this was a temporary glitch or to see whether this girl needs to ruuuun Forrest ruuuuun!!

Thank you for all the support and I accept every virtual hug you sent as I need them all right now.

Staying strong thanks to you.

ETA Typos

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 5:19 AM, February 9th (Sunday)]


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jul 2009
Topic Posts: 39
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