In other words, what, exactly, are the specific things you do or think to be a jumper?
What does this mean to you two footers out there?
I initially chose to reconcile with my wife because of our children. I didnít want my children growing up in a broken home, being embarrassed, going through visitation squabbles, experiencing financial strain, and potentially growing up with a POS father figure. My kids were all I needed to choose reconciliation with my wife.
However, my visions of reconciliation were wrong. I pictured parents coming home from work every day, everyone eating meals together, discussing daily events, attending school and sporting events, performing home maintenance and chores, and taking family vacations. I pictured reasonably good sex with my wife, a mutual respect for each other, and working towards the same goals, and of courseÖ no cheating. Guess what? This was how our marriage existed for 17 years. It sucked.
http://www.eckharttolle.com/newsletter/april-2011 A statement in this article best describes our 17 years of marriage. "Itís a dreadful prison to inhabit when you live with a person and all you have are thoughts and emotions."
My wife and I did not express our deepest feelings with each other. We did not allow ourselves to become vulnerable. It prohibited us from taking it to the next level.
Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.
emotional leaps of faith are just that. being vulnerable.
I think any leap of faith isn't really going all in, or accepting per say. More allowing yourself to take a chance, whether it be being vulnerable or trusting (which could be the same thing I suppose).
If I hadn't taken those leaps, then I would have taken away Mr Unfounds chance to prove to me that he wouldn't let me fall.The most important thing for me when taking leaps of faith were to believe that no matter what the outcome, whether I landed safely, softly at the bottom or fell flat on my ass, I would be okay.
In the beginning, those leaps were hard. I ran up to the edge so many times and stopped that I wore a rut in the ground. It's scary...
I am coming to realize the things I didn't/don't share because they will make me appear a certain way (generally weak or needy.) I am learning to share those things -- to say the unflattering things about myself. To stop trying to be perfect, or so strong. I tell my WH I need him; I love him, and I am trying to respect him again. I share when I am scared, and triggering.
I suggest Brene Brown's work (i.e. TED talks, or Daring Greatly) for more info in this area.
I edit, therefore I am.
Saw a picture of my parents...mom smiling at dad at 50th anniversary party...she has such love and admiration in her eyes...I hope to have that again for him...let's face it I won't be able to unless I JUMP and trust him all the way again...give him my heart, raw and ready.....
Jumping in , IMO feels reckless.
MY leap of faith came 5 months after dday. I watched during that time, saw his pain, his struggle. I didn't help him through, I mostly watched. Noticed his behaviors, slightly listened to his words.
I had my ducks in a row, I was protected, emotionally strong with being alone if it came to that.
But when he came to me wanting to R I weighed what I knew vs what was the unknown and I remembered who I married. I remembered myself...and I took a leap of faith that we could and would do this.
I have never looked back.