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Newest Member: Monautresoi (45079)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Valentines day, Birthdays etc...
StuckinNJagain
♂ Member
Member # 42140
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just a few weeks past DDay # 2. The first Dday was just before Valentines day in 2010. For some strange reason Valentines day and mother's day just bring out anger in me. I always used to bring candy and gifts prior to the first Dday and now those 2 holidays in particular repulse me. When I confronted WW after 2nd DDay, one of the reason or excuses she tried was that I dont acknowledge her on those days. I cant begin to tell you the anxiety that I feel around those dates. It just brings a rush of bad feelings and takes me right back to Dday. I get withdrawn and angry and the thought of putting on a happy face for her is very very hard to digest. Why would WW think I am obligated to give gifts to her on these dates? To me, these are dates that we represent our love and admiration. I always did so before Dday, and I really have a tough time buying anything for her since Dday 1. Why do I associate the affairs with these holidays? How do I handle these holidays when with family? In my mind I think by giving WW gifts sends a message that I am past the issues. Please let me know how you handles these events.
Oh, 1 other major detail...I found texts/naked pics to OM after Dday 1...

[This message edited by StuckinNJagain at 9:12 AM, February 8th (Saturday)]


BH-46 (me)
WS-44
DD-16
DS-12
First Dday-2/09
Sec Dday-1/14
Married 17 yrs. Together 26

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NJ
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a hard time with valentines, anniversaries, birthday, and Christmas. All of those days for several years were not "sacred" to my WH. He would call his OWs on those days even tho they should be for us and family.

How have I handled it? Badly. But he doesn't care. He just says I'm behaving like a spoiled brat. In past years I would say that I am suffering from bad memories of what he did on those days. Since if have decided he isn't going to change or improve.... I try to swallow it all and work my way through it. Usually ending the day with a migraine. This year I am seeing my L two days before valentines. Apt huh?

WH expects a card and gift. I do know if I don't get the "right" card he will be angry all day. Idk if he will get me anything but I never think it is truly from his heart because... He usually txt ow and tells her how much he would rather be with her...

If your WW wants R and is truly doing the work. I would think just talking out your feelings with her would help?? It's almost like PTSD. In that those days are associated with a negative traumatic event. It should be her job to make them happy events. To replace your bad memories with good. She ruined those days for you. You didn't.


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the same feelings man. I haven't been through a Valentines day yet but its coming soon and I'm not going to celebrate it with my wife only for my kids. Looking at phone records has shown me that she spoke with him first before me on Valentine's day.

Valentines day is reserved for lovers. I'm not feeling all that loving these days.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holidays, birthdays, special occasions - they all carry a weight of expectation, family, togetherness, and even obligation.

That stuff weighs heavily after betrayal. It's pretty typical to react negatively around these times. Be gentle with yourself. Don't do anything you don't feel right doing. ((((StuckinNJ))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25532 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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