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User Topic: Survey: Who experienced hysterical bonding and who didn't?
shortchanged38
♀ New Member
Member # 42402
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who experienced hysterical bonding (HB) and who didn't.

I want to have a gauge of how many of us BS go through HB.

Please participate so we can all have an idea.

Please one response per person so survey doesn't get sidelined with discussion.

The survey question is---

Have you experienced HB after DDay?

I'll start : NO

[This message edited by shortchanged38 at 1:22 PM, February 10th (Monday)]


Me 38
WS 36
OW Co-worker
A lasted 2 years total
DDay #1 1-3-13
DDay #2 4-15-13
D 1-10-14

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2014
shortchanged38
♀ New Member
Member # 42402
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is the healing library discussion on HB.

Upon being confronted with the undeniable reality that their most trusted spouse has betrayed them with another, some BS's experience an overwhelming sexual desire for their wayward spouse. Many couples claim to have had the best, most intense and loving sex of their relationship during the period following the discovery of an affair, (generally a few weeks to several months), often trying new things and experimenting in ways they had never considered before. This phenomenon is termed "Hysterical Bonding.
There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. While it may feel counter-intuitive to the BS; as if they are "rewarding" the WS for the affair, hysterical bonding can be a stepping stone to reconciliation. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build.

The occurrence or absence of hysterical bonding does not appear to be an indicator of successful reconciliation. Many other factors, such as the WS's remorse and openness are far more reliable indicators. Hysterical bonding is, however, normal, and nothing for the BS to be alarmed about or ashamed about experiencing. In fact, it has been said it is the one positive in an otherwise long and miserable experience, so enjoy it while it lasts!


Me 38
WS 36
OW Co-worker
A lasted 2 years total
DDay #1 1-3-13
DDay #2 4-15-13
D 1-10-14

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2014
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
lostandhopless
♂ Member
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO


Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14


Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2013
kayaker55
♀ Member
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD #1: YES
DD #2: NO


Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Future uncertain.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
BW2639
♂ Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. ...lasted a couple of months.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2012
Lifechange
♀ Member
Member # 28837
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!

Can't remember exactly how long it lasted, but quite a while. Probably at least a year or more.


Posts: 128 | Registered: Jun 2010
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep! The HB lasted around two months for us, where we fought practically all day, and then HB'd each night.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay 1 - yes

DDay 2-15 - no


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, briefly.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 399 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, briefly.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 399 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
yoyoed2death
♂ New Member
Member # 36348
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2012
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No with a capitol N..My WH was too much of a douchebag..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1136 | Registered: Nov 2011
totalheartbreak
♂ Member
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, few months


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)

"Sacrifice is a choice you make, loss is a choice made for you."

"The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference."

“Courage is the price life exacts for granting peace”


Posts: 120 | Registered: Dec 2013
BrokenMomof2
♀ Member
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, lasted about a month and a half for me.


Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
strangeasfiction
♂ Member
Member # 42160
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Six weeks in. Nope.


Me - BS 39
Her - WW 34
Kids - 3 & 1
Married - 9 years
Status - FUBAR

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2014
headdesk
♀ Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Even though after the first initial fuck up of TTing he did everything like a model remorseful H, I would have broken out the rusty scissors if he'd even thought of touching me.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
flayed
♀ Member
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, 2 1/2 months


BS(Me)-39
WH-39
Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes for about 6 weeks with a drop off after that. It's a phenomena that is so strange. I remember asking myself what the hell was wrong with me for wanting to have sex with my ww.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 551 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
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