Iím in a similar situation (just posted in General) only I think mine was a ONS and not an affair, but I could be wrong, it was definitely pre-planned at least 2 weeks in advance whatever it was!
But, 4 years of struggling with the trust, 4 years of that causing me problems and major issues, 4 years of hell, of wondering, of needing answers Ö. But not daring to bring it up (for different reasons to you)sometimes things feel ok and it's forgotten but it's still there underneath everything. The thing that really resonates with me is thisÖ.. I am finding that when you rug sweep, the lump is there...you walk around it, step over it, some days you don't even notice it, but it is still there. I could have written those exact words. I think you need to sit down and talk, youíre right the lump in the rug is still there, but it will still be there in another 4 years if you donít sweep it up now.
I need to do something too because I think the fact I let it be rugswept and the consequences of that are behind many of the current problems that we have in the marriage. Donít leave it another 4 years (((crossroads)))