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User Topic: Update to my story
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I have said before, my WW has denied any affair. Her stated reason for leaving me were that I was a rotten, inattentive husband and that she was miserable with me.

Fast forward to last Monday, when I received a phone call from a woman who had tracked me down via Facebook. She informed me that my wife had been having an affair with her Uncle since early 2011, and that she had been his "weekend wife". She had clothes in the closet at his home and her makeup in his bathroom. The lady told me that when the affair started, my wife had claimed that she was separated and going through a divorce. Only later did "R" find out that she was still living with me and that no divorce was underway. His niece told me that by then he was "too in love with her to let go".

She told me that the affair lasted until last May, when her Uncle caught my wife "in flagrante delecto" with another man in her car. They split up, but "R" wanted to forgive her and take up where they had left off. My WW was having none of it, and took up with the new man.

For 8 months "R" tried to win my wife back. He became depressed and lost his job and his home.

And two weeks ago he killed himself.

The niece told me that over the period of the affair, my wife had written love letters to her Uncle. When he died, he left no note, just his safe standing open with some junk jewelery and the stack of letters from my wife. She offered to let me have them.

I drove up Wednesday evening to pick them up. I met the sister of the man who took his own life over my wife. She is a sweet lady who did not deserve to find her brother in the condition that she did. My heart broke for her, as she recounted the story of telling him to get out of an affair with a married woman. She said that he told her that her was powerless to end it with her. He loved her too much.

I came home and read the letters. It was horrible looking back (she was kind enough to date them)at the calender and recalling the trip to the beach, the work we did on the house together, the weeknight dinners with friends during that very time period.

WW does not know I have the letters, but she is demanding that the niece return them to her. It's getting nasty with them. So far the niece is honoring my attorney's advice to me to keep secret the fact that I have them.

WW is texting me, demanding that I go to her attorney's office and sign her "One time offer, take it or leave it" separation agreement that they came up with based on her leaving me over simply being unhappy. It's hard not to respond and spill the beans about everything I now know.

So I came here to tell the story and vent. Sitting on my hands until my lawyer appointment on Thursday is killing me.

Thanks for listening

[This message edited by justjim at 3:47 AM, February 10th (Monday)]


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jim, so sorry that you have to go through all this. It is so pathetic how many lives their behavior can damage/destroy and yet they continue on in fairytale land like they have done no wrong. I wish you strength and eventual peace brother!

BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 261 | Registered: Sep 2012
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow that's beyond terrible.
I know you are hurting, but try to eat and take care of yourself.
Others will come along with better advice, I know it is hard but do EXACTLY as your Atty says; they are much clearer headed than we BS's are.
I am so sorry you are going through this, especially as the OM took his life. As BS's we want to hate them and this makes it harder.
I have no words but I wanted to make sure you knew you were heard.
Huge hugs


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1747 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As BS's we want to hate them and this makes it harder.

The niece and I have become very close over the last week, even though we have not met face to face.

Yesterday I lit a candle for her Uncle at church. I told her so yesterday afternoon.

I don't know how to feel about him. You are correct that I want to hate him. On the other hand, I was in exactly the same place as he right after she walked out.

A few seconds and a couple of pounds of finger pressure was the only difference. I understand the sense of hopeless despair.

I'm eating OK. Finding sleep is the problem.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:56 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow JustJim

I find it comforting that the niece could see through her pain during this time to help end your questioning.

You have your truth, it may suck right now, but it appears your wife is/was hiding more than an A. She apparently has been lying about being a decent human being at all.

For her to care so little about the niece to engage with her regarding the letters after her uncle's suicide is quite telling.

Hang on til Thursday, don't give up your hand.

Unfortunately (?) your wife will be receiving her just desserts.

It isn't much of a consolation, but one day I hope you are content that you were able to find the truth and walk towards a happier, healthier life for you.

My thoughts are with you and I pray you continue to have strength....and some sleep.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:57 AM, February 10th (Monday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. The fact that this person took the time to track you down when she did not know you is amazing.

So many times we hear that the OBS should not be told as they may be unstable or will hurt someone or it is too late to tell as it was not done right away....and look in your case how none of this was true and you have a WW that has lied to you over and over and you now have the truth? Pretty amazing to me.

On the flip side this is a tragic ending to an old sad tale of adultry. That man had so much to live for, I wish he would have known that. May he rest in peace.

[This message edited by realitybites at 6:26 AM, February 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 5679 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to add in my original post that along with the letters are pictures of them cuddled up together in his house.

It sucks to have a face to go with the story.

Also, in one of her cards to him, she wrote the exact same sentiment that I had written in my birthday card to her that year. Word for word.

Musta been really good.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting how even to this point she is pushing for you to sign off that she is divorcing because of you. This is a truly narcissistic person. Let your attorney do what they do best. No restrictions at all.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Brandon is on it.
The reason they use your exact words - is because there's no there there.
They just put on costumes of words and various 'appearances' to see how they fit, then discard them.
Nothing is real within them, no feeling except sadness to suck others in to their toxic orbit, or rage, at having been found out.

You know the truth now jim)))
Sending healing and strength.


Posts: 6646 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man, I just read your story and then this. I am praying for you and I hope you take care of yourself. It sucks to go through this pain and realize that you will survive this no matter what.

Sounds like this woman was no good from the start. Hate to say it but reading your profile and then reading this. She sounds like she would never settle down.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! That is just so terrible, but you know, now you have the full truth.

This is your NEW Beginning. You can move on from this, it will take time, but you will get there.

Leave everything else for the lawyers to handle.

((((JustJim))))


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 509 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.. That's just so sad.

Hoping your attorney can bit h slap her big time with the letters


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
marionwendy
♀ Member
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear justjim, Wow I am so sorry this must be so hard for you. Your WW sounds like she has no compassion, little regard for other peoples feelings. I hope you know in your head that you are not to blame for your marriage falling apart. She made the choices not you. I hope you listen to your attorney, hold on to the letters. I would even copy them. It just baffles me that some waywards have no guilt what so ever, their sense of entitlement overrides the feelings of others. I hope you find the strength within yourself to carry on and move forward. YOU deserve much better. I will be praying for you and sending you strength, hang in there!


BS-49
WS-50
Married-18
Together-21
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.


Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. I'm the heartless b!tch that's thinking-

If they had done the decent thing and outed the A to you long ago, maybe this OM would still be alive. Instead they just watched him cheat with a MM.

I'm sorry for their pain but I'm just thinking "evil prevails when good men do nothing."


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
1owner
♂ Member
Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jim, I've followed your story and all I can say is I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you find some sleep soon. As others have said, at least you have the truth now.

Praying for you brother!


Posts: 205 | Registered: Oct 2013
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just keeps getting better...

The niece just sent me a screenshot of a message from WW.

WW states that she loaned OM several thousand dollars during their relationship which was never repaid. She wants the letters in leiu of the money.

The niece told her to eff off.

But at least I know where the money in our savings account went.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy she is panicking now huh? Trying to cover her a**. She will threaten you that this was "personal property" and you had no rite to it. Just watch.

Keep sitting on your hands, do not text or email or anything. For months this woman has mentally abused you....this is your time to be silent and watch her combust. You are right...Thursday can't come soon enough.

[This message edited by realitybites at 7:52 AM, February 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 5679 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7000 dollars!!!
Man, this is so bad. I hate to say it. I don't know what you want from her but I would take her to the cleaners.

She sounds like a black widow. She cheated in her 1st marriage, then her 2nd. I would contact previous husband to see what happen to him. Maybe she took money from her. Find out if you can if the OM money was taking from him as well.

My prayers are with you.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Suspicious  Posted: 8:07 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, the Hell Bitch is sure living up to her name. Seems she is the kind of woman that enjoys seeing men destroy themselves over her. She really sounds like a sociopath. The faster you can get away from the Hell Bitch the better. ( I bet she thinks she is Lorena/Lori )

I do have sympathy for the OM who killed himself. It sounds like he was sucked in and wasn't aware that your WW was still married. Yes, when he found out the truth he should have ended it, but I still have sympathy for him.

Please make copies of the letters and pictures. Give a copies to a trusted friend to keep safe for you. Give your attorney either the original or copies. Make sure you keep them safe and that there is no way that the Hell Bitch can get her hooves, I mean hands, on them.

Stay strong, don't give into the Hell Bitch! (((justjim))) I am so sorry you are in this horrible, painful place, but it will get better.

p.s. our youngest son's middle name is "Augustus", FWH wanted it as his first name, me notsomuch, so we settled on the middle


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justjim, it does seem like you are getting some very helpful clarity. Such clarity is priceless when it comes to infidelity. Your CSTBXWW is a piece of work. Now, just think of what a wonderful trajectory your life can take now vs. before.

I hope you are able to find compassion and forgiveness for the OM guy. Your WW lied to him about her status; he was a victim too. He may not have pursued her and kept a boundary if he knew the truth from the start.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 882 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Mountain West
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