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User Topic: Why am I still trying to get his attention?
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Question  Posted: 10:05 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We don't talk to each other besides the usual "DS10 needs this" or "DD7 needs that" or "we're out of milk." We was out all day yesterday with a "friend." He didn't tell me, he told our son and I over heard. He didn't say who he was with, where he was going or what time he was going to be home...nothing.

He doesn't look at me when we do talk to each other, so why, after all this time and everything that has happened, and the crap that he says about me behind my back, do I still try to get his attention?

I feel so stupid.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5829 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My guess is habit.

I'm really sorry. I'm guessing this is a fake it 'til you make it situation. Keep pretending like you don't care, and eventually you won't.

((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6546 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm guessing this is a fake it 'til you make it situation

That's exactly what it is.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5829 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw this before here on SI. Can't remember the context exactly at this moment. I just remember the answer.
It is because some deep, or not so deep, part of you still is hoping that he will finally "get it" and realize your worth and want to come back to the M.
That part of you that still loves him is so hard to put in a box and shelf. Because your love and feelings were genuine, it is harder to do what they have done to us, compartmentalize and betray.
After 180, and/or NC, it will get easier to stop when he gives you no sign of true R.
(((simplydevastated)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sd)))

I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to drop by and give you a hug. Your post makes me sad, you're such a kind person and you deserve kindness in your life.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1102 | Registered: Jul 2012
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is because some deep, or not so deep, part of you still is hoping that he will finally "get it" and realize your worth and want to come back to the M.
That part of you that still loves him is so hard to put in a box and shelf. Because your love and feelings were genuine, it is harder to do what they have done to us, compartmentalize and betray.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

I used to hold out and hope that he would work on the marriage and us, but as the years went on and the way he has changed and treats us that hope goes away. I guess at some point the hope comes back even for a brief moment.

Thank you dameia. I needed to hear that.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5829 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Topic Posts: 6

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