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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Roll call: would you take them back and under what conditions?
ISPIFFD
♀ Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He had his chance but it was false R for years. There is nothing he could do, even with the help of divine intervention, that would convince me to even allow him to take a step into my home. Guess that rules out reconciliation.

This ^^^ says it perfectly, exactly the same for me.


Me: BW (54)
Him: WH (61)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He had his chance but it was false R for years. There is nothing he could do, even with the help of divine intervention, that would convince me to even allow him to take a step into my home. Guess that rules out reconciliation.

^^THIS. He always knew I was too good for him even on his best day. The problem for him is that now I now it too.

In the months straight after S my answer may have been different but that was not love, it was fear.

[This message edited by SBB at 6:35 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5448 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was a time I would have but it would've been a big mistake. I could never trust him again and I would've been miserable. It takes time because you want the whole married life thing back, but in my case, I can finally say I don't love him "like that" any more.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a chance in hell! In fact, almost a year after our break up he had some sort of crisis with the OW and he called me bawling and begging me back. He went on and on about how sorry he was for everything he did to me. He said he didn't love her and would never love anyone like he did me..... blah blah blah. He then contradicted himself and tried telling me she didn't exist. I told him we were never getting back together. That ship has sailed. I asked if he had been drinking, to which he replied that he had been sober for two months. Two seconds after that he said he had to go and hung up in a hurry. About ten minutes after that the phone rang again. This time it was a Sherriff saying he was arresting him and could I come get our dogs!! So I went. Turns out he was drunk while on talking on the phone to me, pulling what used to be our 40' fifth wheel down the highway!!! Yup, that definitely sealed the deal, no hope for any R for us, I was so done with his behaviours.

Then I find out a few days later the cops impounded the truck and camper, and shipped him off to the mental hospital because he attempted suicide while locked in jail that night. A couple days after I get a call again from him, same thing - I want our old life back. I shut him down told him it would never happen. A couple more days I find out he is back with OW!!!

What a piece of work. Thank god I am free of his bullshit.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 234 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NFW.

That is all.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15362 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope.

Not even then.



Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never. Never ever. There is nothing The Princess could do to make me want her back. It's not just because of the three months of false reconciliation. It's not just because of the threesome she was about to have when I read her email on DDay. It's not just because of the "This email is no longer private" that she sent to a coworker immediately after I confronted her.

It's also not just because of all the retroactively suspected cheating over our entire marriage. It's not the flirting she did with every man (and boy!) she has ever met.

Those were the things that made me stand up and take notice. That's when I also noticed that she has been on a mission through our entire relationship to demoralize me, weaken me, make me dependent on her, and harpoon my self esteem (what self esteem?). I realized that she is emotionally abusive, and terminally discontented.

As a buddy told me, whenever he hears about his ex hooking up with someone new, he thinks to himself, "Poor fucking bastard!" He sent me a meme the other day that showed a stereotypically hot woman, and said under it, "Someone else is putting up with her shit now!"

Life finally has a chance to be good now. I would NEVER fuck that up by even considering taking her back.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish there was a like button for posts. LOVE the frozen hell sign and I agree not even then. I have no idea who I have been married to for the last 18 years.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Lalokau
♀ New Member
Member # 4724
Default  Posted: 2:00 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. After I threw him out, I realised how miserably he had been treating me for years. I cannot believe I never saw it whilst I was with him!!

I can't ever go back to that. It nearly destroyed my soul.


Me: BW
Him: WS
Two kids aged 25 and 24.
We are now divorced.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Australia
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never, not even if he was the last man on earth.

He had his 3 chances, 3 strikes your out!


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1285 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:30 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think about it every day.

There was a time that I would definitely have accepted her back under the right conditions.

As soon as she started actively preventing me from seeing my children and accusing me of abuse I changed my mind. That and her pregnancy.

I now realise more than ever that she ticks every box of being a sociopath. Therefore she will never, ever realise what she's done and how much she has destroyed me and the children


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
cdagal
♀ Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Once he revealed the affair and once he made it clear that he didn't regret it, that sealed the deal. I have to trust the person I'm with.


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post was started a month ago and I remember reading it and, without posting a response, knowing my answer was yes, if xyz. I still have a small willingness to consider taking him back if he could get his shit together...but a month later, I can see more clearly how he just is wired to be this way (really think NPD is involved) and any 'change' is extremely unlikely--he can't even stick with IC for crying out loud, and his pity-party messages only come through late at night, probably after drinking and/or sad ONSs. And I think back on everything he's done and know there is a better, healthier guy out there for me. Or just a better, healthier cat--forget guys!

So while I don't have a 'not even if hell froze over' answer I feel good that I'm more able to have some distance on the question now!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3812 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
ExposedNiblet
♀ Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never. Not in a million years.

No.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Until just last week I may have said "maybe" but wouldn't have had any clarity on the issue.

Now? No.

He cheats, lies, manipulates, and is totally irresponsible. He has shown how little me or his family mean.
With this last bit of posting online about ME being those things then coming out and saying he doesn't believe the baby I carry is his daughter...

No. No. Hell NO.

It was the best thing that ever happened to my mental health - instant cure for some major "hooks", codependency delusions, etc. I'm now feeling more like a bear just let out of a trap.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 115
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