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Newest Member: LostMyMojo (44700)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Roll call: would you take them back and under what conditions?
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HELL to the NO! He is a lying cheating ass. He has not changed and will never change.... To do that would require him to acknowledge he is broken and did bad things.

He is abusive, self-centered, and have I mentioned an ass?

Plus, I now find him completely repulsive. I don't know what I ever saw in him.

[This message edited by courageous at 10:14 PM, February 10th (Monday)]


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 641 | Registered: Jan 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even several months after the D, if he had thrown the OW under the bus, I would have taken him back. The ship has now sailed. Half of the reason is the obvious. He chose someone else. The other half is more insidious. He''''s not aging well and his health is poor. I don't care enough for him anymore to want to saddle myself with his care. I don''''t feel the least bit guilty about this.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 7:14 PM, February 10th, 2014 (Monday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20017 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
positively4thst
♀ Member
Member # 23998
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not!!! But I didn't always feel that way. I see many things so much clearer as time has passed, it's going on 7 years now. Clarity washes over me in waves and I realize I was not in a healthy relationship overall. I was a happy doormat and he was happy to take advantage of that. I don't dwell on it,every now and then I see something in my rear view window that I didn't see before. It clicks and I'm happy it's no longer. I much prefer looking forward to what could be than backwards to what could have been! Good luck to everyone on your journey!

Posts: 1246 | Registered: May 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I much prefer looking forward to what could be than backwards to what could have been!

positively: I love this!!


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did have a list in the beginning, but knew he was too selfish to ever accept it if he would have even asked. Think about your WS and what they can realistically do and be honest in your own heart of what they are capable of being able to do. Even though I was in denial, I knew he couldn't do it. He was way too emotionally jacked up and immature to ever take that road.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Suppose you opened the door and your ex or STBX was there on bended knee, contrite. Would you give them a pathway to R? What would it be?

Not only no, but hell no. But I'd do it with style. Picture that scene in Godfather II when he walks across the kitchen to the open door where his ex is standing just outside, and without changing his expression....slowly shuts the door.

That'd be me...


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 426 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
Got2GO
♀ Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would take him back if I knew that I would never have to work again! He probably only has maybe 5 more years to live. If he had a bunch of money to leave me sure I'll take his nasty old ass back!


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell to the no


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1566 | Registered: Aug 2010
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never. He can stand on his head and whistle apologies through his asshole and I won't even fucking blink.

Oh my, the mental image....

Hell NO! He just repulses me now.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 858 | Registered: Aug 2011
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, never. I am so much happier and healthier without hid gross NPD self. My girls are happier too.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2585 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Second time in a week I get to post one of my old taglines, stolen from another SIer:

I would rather shave my head with a cheese grater while chewing on tinfoil than touch that woman again-- kamandi


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5139 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he were sitting there on one knee I think I would laugh and shut the door....FTG - no interest and no time for that idiot - I wasted enough time that I had to take to heal. Honestly, he no longer matters.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4456 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never.

Not if he crawled naked through a mile of broken glass to lie bleeding at my door.

I would rather spend the rest of my life single with no hope of romance than waste another day on him.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 747 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
imwideawake
♀ Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! two pages of vehemently written NOs. Add me to the list. Early on here at SI I read a post where someone said stastically in the long run the BSs go on to have better lives than the WSs. In my gut, it felt right and now my experience has proven it to be so. I am so happy to be amoung such awesomeness!!


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 885 | Registered: Mar 2009
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because of STBXH's behavior, I had to ask my DD16 if her father had ever been inappropriate with her (i.e. sexual abuse). No mother should ever have to ask her child that. Everything else I could eventually forgive. This, absolutely never.

The only reason he's still breathing is that I believe DD when she says nothing like that ever happened.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1647 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would do everything possible to contain my laughter (as I was coincidentally asked the same thing earlier and busted out laughing).

Though I don't know exactly what I would do. I would "want" to give him a chance to prove me right that he couldn't do the work to reconcile.... but I also see how much better life is WITHOUT him and how much of a shitty partner he was and will be. I know I could do a hell of a lot better and I am really wanting to find that better more than reconciling.

He lost the "innocent" love I had for him. And for that reason I don't think reconciling would be good for us. I could never devote myself mind, body and soul again.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 9:15 PM, February 10th (Monday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 637 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
marlie2014
♀ Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not. The sad part is that he still thinks it's possible.

But then, this is the man who committed statutory rape so many times without anyone finding out that it's as natural to him as breathing now.

Wow, can't believe I just wrote that. Oh well, might as well tell the whole truth, right?

Can't wait until I can file and go completely NC.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Suppose you opened the door and your ex or STBX was there on bended knee, contrite. Would you give them a pathway to R? What would it be?

I'd assume he was tying his shoe, but decided to go with the misconception to see what it might gain him.

I like the slow-door close! That ship has sailed!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
TrustNoOne
♀ Member
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No - I knew it the instant the situation was confirmed.

There is no unringing the bell of lost trust. You can move forward. You can heal. You can change and become better - but you can never undo the hurt that was done.

For me, trust is a foundational element. Once broken, it cannot be returned to an unbroken state.

I was devastated. I said good-bye. We'd been together since we were 11 years old. I was 31 at the time.

Trust is such a precious thing.

Don't break it. Ever.



Posts: 1322 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: SoCal
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Positively NO! Every word out of his mouth is a lie....

Picture me as Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind telling XPOS, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" as I reply to his attempt at an apology, turn around, and walk away in style.....


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
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