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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Roll call: would you take them back and under what conditions?
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely effing not. Even if I could trust her (ha!) she's incredibly broken and not attractive to me any more.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013. Moved ~1000 miles away (as the crow flies) Jul 2014.


Posts: 806 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I love this spicy group!! Such humorous answers!!

My answer is no ~ I don't deserve him.
I agree with some of the others who say it has to do with time. When I think back to my dday, I probably would ... I mean I would have taken him back within a four month time period. Knowing, absolutely KNOWING, he would not be able to make any real changes and that we would be rugsweeping. I knew that if I was ok with rugsweeping, then I was not healthy. So more work on myself and taw-daa ... I know I deserve better.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2144 | Registered: Oct 2012
BrighterFuture
♀ Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking about asking this same question to this group. Having evaluated my situation, I know our relationship was not healthy. If I took him back, it would be unending cycle of cheating and assholetry.

Moving forward to better, healthier relationship. He belongs in my past and that's where he'll stay.


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 340 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if he had a brain, personality and temperament transplant *after* doing enough years of IC work on himself to be a human, I could take him back........

j/k!!

No freakin' way!!! If he were at my door, I like the idea of the slow door slam. But, I have orders from IC that if that happens, I'm to stay inside and call 9-1-1 because he is a danger to me.

I thought about Got2GO's idea of taking him back for the money. But it only took a second to realize that he would first have to D slut and half of what he might have left now would be gone. With him being their sole support, he might be at my door looking to M me for *my* money!

Nope, no way! Life is just too good now!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2244 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TAKE HIM BACK???

Take him back?

Here's what I wanted to do to him during MC when I was offering the possibility of R, but his response was that we were not allowed to discuss him, anything about him, anything I did not like about him or his behavior:

So let me be clear. Would I take him back?

In all I've run up about $50,000 in debt to divorce his perverted ass. I've worked long & hard to get away from him. Buh-bye, pervert!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9489 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
brokenfyrman
♂ Member
Member # 31938
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOPE! It will not happen! Never, she doesn't deserve another chance, she's had enough.


Me BS 42, STBX 40 renamed numero cinco
OM#2 puppylove from HS
EA 10/07 thru 5/08
PA 5/12,13,14 and 7/26 of 08
Admitted to calls/email texts 08/08, TT until D/Day 10/10
OM#1, 9 mos after "I do"
She walked out on me and her kids 1/1/14 (

Posts: 314 | Registered: Apr 2011
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was married for 22+ years, she was the love of my life (or so I thought ). It didn't take long to realize I had been treated like crap for a long time, it is amazing how many people tell you this after the divorce. I have met another woman that is so strong and has true courage. There is no way I would go back to that life!
BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 191 | Registered: Sep 2012
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the responses! Nature_Girl I was giggling in anticipation of your reply when I posted!

I saw some people mentioning R criteria so I was wondering his many there were that are still willing.

The Snake said to me the other day something like "once you divorce me you can't get me back". I was trying to imagine under what scenario I'd be begging HIM


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

N_G, I can NOT believe you would be that nice to him after he said that in MC!!!!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2244 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, never. There is no way to ever forget the evil inflicted during false R.

One of his latest emails, "you will never find anyone else like me".

Good lord I hope not!!!


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1309 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet another firm:

NO


Edited to add:

Hell NO! He just repulses me now.

This happened to me too. I had to see him for one of DD's events. He opened his mouth to say something and I literally felt ill.

I am so thankful for those repulsive feelings. I feel so sad for the folks I see on here that are in such pain even after much time has passed.

Ironically what is more of a dealbreaker to me now (4 yrs out); is how he treated me during the D. All the lies, stalking, breaking in my house, stealing my stuff, etc. I expected him to man-up during the D.

Silly me.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 7:20 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2050 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
keptmyword
♂ Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.

She is a hopeless coward. Irresponsible, uncommitted and full of excuses.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2012
griefandrelief
♀ Member
Member # 42210
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends on the day, but I am only 3 weeks out from dday and him moving in with OW.

Mostly no - he kept me hostage with lies and refused intimacy for me for so long that I wouldn't know how to feel desire for him again. I miss the (perception of) stability and not having to worry about money and that sort of thing. And I miss the identity that came with being a "wife" sometimes.

Sometimes I wish that we could create a relationship for being co-parents that looked like something from a sit-com with us joking and getting along and all of that, but that is just fantasy.


Love ... dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. -Anais Nin
D-day 1/24/14. Divorcing. Moving forward in fits and starts.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: kansas
Lola7
♀ Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather have a root canal, a migraine and a pap smear all on the same day.

I wouldn't go back to him for anything. He's vile, he's a compulsive liar and cheater, and not a very nice person either.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
yestopants
♀ Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO. I'm done. I don't think there is any way to repair the damaged relationships between my children or myself. He is so selfish and caught up in his pity parties. His life sucks and I don't want to be a part of it any longer. Life is too short. I'm not far out and my life is already better. It is still a hard choice but I think it's more about the truth hurting and facing the fact he was always broken.

I can't wait to have funnier answers in the future....not quite there yet though but I loved reading these!


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 275 | Registered: Dec 2013
716dayslost
♂ Member
Member # 11536
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very interesting that there is not any takers, and very strongly stated too. I am sure emotions are quite strong here. But I have known couples to remarry after D, so it must happen even if the percentage is low.

My WW has not left but the D is only weeks away and almost final.
After D, would I take her back? There are two answers that I would give. One, if she is the altered being she is now I could not. But if she were a remorseful and truly reformed person, then the answer is yes.
I think I am not ready to invalidate my past, my M in the good years. However I am not willing to accept her current incarnation.


You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

Posts: 1573 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: New York
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck no.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3292 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as my arse points downwards, Sir Shagalot will NEVER enter my life again as anything other than the father of my children.

He can remain in the Shire of Shag with Lady Quimavere for the rest of his days as far as I am concerned. The amount of shit he has served on me and our children means there would not be a shovel big enough to follow behind him.


EJ


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1094 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather have a root canal, a migraine and a pap smear all on the same day.

Plus a mammogram and a colonoscopy!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Plus a mammogram and a colonoscopy!

Funnily enough I recently had both within two days of each other. At least with the colonoscopy I have no recollection of having been shafted and my boobs bounced back having been flattened by what felt like a steamroller.


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1094 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
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