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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Roll call: would you take them back and under what conditions?
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took XH back after we were divorced. It lasted about a year before he slept with OW again. That was his last chance. I've moved on and haven't looked back since. It's been a little over 3 years since that happened. XH still suggests that he and I run away together and leave our SO's with the kids. Nope. Not gonna happen.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
defyinggravity
♀ Member
Member # 25552
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do miss his....paycheck. But I will never be able to
unhear, "I never loved you. I just married the first thing to come along and give me a hug."


Me-BS Him-WS
Married-35 years
3 adult children
DD1-1/08. EA. In (fake) MC. "Just friends."
DD2-1/09. PA. Same OW,13 years younger. His married coworker.
Divorced-1/25/11 They married 2/12.


Posts: 86 | Registered: Sep 2009
disgust
♀ Member
Member # 34200
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved reading all of these responses. This is really entertaining!!!

I did take him back while still going forward with the divorce. I think it lasted 2 months or so. I really don't recall. In the end I just couldn't compete with LTA AP. She's just some kind of special (sarcasm).


Posts: 349 | Registered: Dec 2011
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I am is a pot of money to her. She has bled me dry and spent it with OM.

WW has been unremorseful and behaved like the victim when I had the audacity of complaining and leaving.

WW has "punished me" for everything "wrong" I've done by sleeping with OM again after a promise of reconciliation (the last sin? saying that I was still hurting). From what she explained she would do the same every time I "misbehaved" ("you started caring for me again so I'd stop seeing him but then you'd - insert perceived slight - so I'd go back to him"). Compounding the problem, he's an old abuser of hers.

And now she secured a L that wants to bleed me dry forever using my special needs son as a wedge to manipulate the court (even OM warned me).

And with all that, it has crossed my mind. But three things make me say no:

1) My IC telling me - if you get back together, you'll be back here in a year because she's got a lot of FOO issues she needs to resolve before she's healthy.

2) I asked her once - the bottom line is, what am I to you? She never answered it.

3) Every interaction since that is not about kids and logistics has been about how hard *she* has it. She who is in the house, getting her mortgage paid, not working and not spending enough time with the kids.


So no, I won't go back to my old abuser.

I'm not her.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 724 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
SurelyNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to be honest and say there was a time when I wanted him back, so very desperately. I have since come to my senses.
He has never taken responsibility for his actions, apparently it "just happened." Everything is all my fault, he is so busy blaming everybody else for his predicament (no vehicle, no job, no status in this Country, no bank account/savings, etc.) he is so fully immersed in his own pity party, it is pathetic.
He doesn't understand why his children do not want to have a relationship with him, of course the story out there is that I have poisoned their minds against him. It couldn't be because you walked out on them, and had this other family on the go for 14+ months, while we were totally oblivious of this carry-on.
It must be a wonderful state of being, to be so blame free and not culpable, good luck with that
The children and I are so much better off without you in our lives, and I realise that now with the clarity of hindsight.
Good luck to us all in this horrible predicament.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no. We shared some interests, but I can watch TV with the cats. Their idea of grooming is much less destructive.

Posts: 3385 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
npain
♀ Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO, HELL NO!

Not even if he was the last man on earth--I rather let the human race die out.

I wouldn't piss on him if was on fire, in fact, I'd rather fan the flames to help him burn a little faster.

Even if he came to me on bended knee-- I'd know it would be nothing but a performance. I got that before and 1 week later he was getting a second phone because I found out he was still texting the OW.

I don't have enough years to live even if I live to be 120 for all the things wrong with that creep to be fixed. Even if he stayed in in-treatment for the rest of his days...OW really has done me a favor...


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, Hell No, and F*cking Hell No! He's a NPD POS passive aggressive compulsive lying cheater ... now ... what was it you wanted to know?? Oh .. NO FUCKING WAY!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a chance in hell he would come back on bended knee and not a snowball's chance in hell that I would be dumb enough to take on that piece of shit a second time.

I'll take the migrane, pap, colonoscopy, mammogram combo too before this idiot.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Decimated
♂ Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every day since June 2009 was a new second chance for XWW. This means if she made one good choice for us, per day, she had approximately 1,642 days/chances to fix her shit. She squandered them all.

No more chances you cheating, lying, nasty Biatch...I'm fresh out!


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no!

I believe in giving people second chances. With ex, his second chance turned out to be false R.

I'm moving on with my gorgeous kids, and thankfully they only have to spend 48 hours a week with this excuse of a human being.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Dobegirl
♀ Member
Member # 41837
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No! No! And No!!!

He still wants me to give him......wait for it......one more chance. Cause now he is REALLY trying to change.

He has to many chances AND to much time to make things right. Game over!!!!!


Me- BS 44 Always faithfull
Him- WS 44
2 mo. EA/PA with 25 yr. old slut that stroked his ego, online profiles, CL ads
Married 8 years-No kids together
DDay-11/21/12
False R many different times fromJan/13 till Dec/13
Divorcing

Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern Indiana
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 944 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Oftencheatedon
♀ Member
Member # 41268
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me: No

But it is mind boggling to me when a woman does take him back. Lucky for me my current non cheating husband's ex wife of 15 years left him to go back to her cheating ex.

His ex and her first DH were married 7-8 years with 2 small children when he left her for his secretary. Thus began a WAR of over a decade with lies, multiple lawsuits - both claiming the other did horrible things. She turned him into IRS, his new wife claimed she sexually abused the children. I mean really horrible stuff.

But when her first ex divorced his wife she ran back to him with open arms leaving my now DH in the dust. I met him a few years later so he'd had time to recover.

From what I hear - they fight like cats and dogs. I'd bet money he still cheats.


Posts: 107 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: AL
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I feel pretty stupid after reading this. I have promised to give him a chance to start a new relationship once the separation agreement is legalized. Conditions are that he continue weekly therapy sessions for sexual addiction and the two of us would attend couples counseling at least once a month and then I would be willing to consider "dating". I told him that there was no chance that I would be willing to paste our old marriage back together.

He has agreed to that for now but I am still waiting. I'm really in limbo until the separation is legal. I fully expect him to quit trying once he realizes I am serious about not moving back in with him. I think he wants a wife not really me. He swears otherwise. Anyhow, I'm willing to wait for him to show his true colors.

So, he has been given "conditions" but not to go back to where we were.


Posts: 1931 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three words:

Never Never Never

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 12:28 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2485 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
prowoman
♀ Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would but I would never go back to letting him get away with the shit I let him get away with before. It would take a lot of begging and pleading and proof that it would be better.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She would have to SHOW me 110% commitment to making up what she has done to me. She will have already been in counseling. She would have proof that the A is over and there is no one else. She will implore that we go to couples counseling (I'd say MC, but we're proceeding to D already). She would need to realize that I have every right to question her and that it's on her to prove to me that she is who she used to be and that i can trust her again. Actions need to speak louder than words.

There are many who know me and my WW who believe that she will come crawling back one day. I wouldn't be surprised, but I am also not about to hold out hope or wait for her. If and when she shows up, me taking her back or not will also depend a lot on where I am at. I say I would be ready to reconcile now, but months or maybe years from now, it could be a whole 'nother story.

She wanted out of my life, and that was her decision. As much as I truly do still love and care about her, I owe her nothing at this point.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1072 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH keeps asking me how he can prove he has changed and I just don't know. Maybe it's not even possible after 3x. I have been told that it takes time but I don't know how much time. Meanwhile, I am living alone, no romance and no sex. The fact that I am feeling like I want those things in my life makes me think I am healing.

Posts: 1931 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
SusanR
♀ Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooops! double post!

[This message edited by SusanR at 9:04 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1931 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
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