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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Roll call: would you take them back and under what conditions?
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

never ever ever.. ever.

only way I would consider it is: if I had kids w them and the person proved to me w out asking, all the right things. but then again we would not be divorced if that person did that in first place.

so never ever ever.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 12:27 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
need_hope
♀ Member
Member # 23989
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

breathe


Not even if he were boiled in Clorox first.


Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10
DIVORCED 12/12

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.


Posts: 1741 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, HELL NO!

I left in October. I don't miss him. AT ALL.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
jagged
♂ Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I know I'm bucking the trend here, but I've thought a lot about this, and I would take her back. Really.

However, I'd have the following non-negotiable conditions:

1. We will not cohabitate. She'll remain in her condo and I in my house;
2. We will not tell the kids;
3. We will not spend time together;
4. I'll continue to date my SO;
5. She wont contest any provisions of the pre-nuptial agreement I provide her, and will sign it and the marriage license in the presence of my attorney;
6. Following our immediate re-divorce, she won't contact me again. Per the aforementioned pre-nup, child support payments will be deposited into a joint-access account, with expenditures subject to my review, and I will no longer pay for any aspect of her lifestyle.


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think about it. Like, reel him in for some false R, so I can fuck his brother, best friend, boss, etc. Then kick him out of his house, take his $$$, his dog & inflict 1% of the shit he saw fit to heap on me.

That revenge fantasy makes me laugh. I'd never do it, tho.

Like Dmari said, I don't deserve him. Initially, I felt that OW didn't deserve him. It's taken a bit to understand that yes, yes, OW is the one who absolutely deserves him.

I know him well enough to know that he's never going to change. Taking him back is a moot point, at best.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NEVER in a million years would I ever, ever, ever consider taking him back. which answers the second part of your question.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
mj052
♀ Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only if he'd gotten a lobotomy!!!!!!


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Dmari said, I don't deserve him. Initially, I felt that OW didn't deserve him. It's taken a bit to understand that yes, yes, OW is the one who absolutely deserves him.

Absofuckinglutely!!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
KellyP64
♀ New Member
Member # 42452
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I would at first. But the more I pondered the more I concluded I did the right thing. Affairs are selfish. He did not consider anyone, but himself. My kids are crushed my self worth is gone. The emotion scars will haunt my kids. WH flaunted affair in front of my two young sons. And neither him or OW who was my friend showed any remorse. who can hurt their kids like that and not feel guilt.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Ft Worth, TX
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Funny  Posted: 11:59 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HELL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn't deserve me ! Besides he's almost 75 yrs old and has a child under the age of one with Twat. No fucking way am I paying his child support,

would you take them back and under what conditions?


That really was a joke wasn't it ?


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I would not take him back.

Or, maybe I would if I did something that I felt was so irredeemable and unforgivable that I needed to be punished for life. Then yep, taking him back would be punishment enough for that crime.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
surviving1963
♀ Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO- NEVER. My MC said to me, "How long do you want to keep drinking poison?" No more for me thanks. I'll let the OW partake of that now. They deserve each other.


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I feel pretty stupid after reading this. I have promised to give him a chance to start a new relationship once the separation agreement is legalized. Conditions are that he continue weekly therapy sessions for sexual addiction and the two of us would attend couples counseling at least once a month and then I would be willing to consider "dating". I told him that there was no chance that I would be willing to paste our old marriage back together.

(((SusanR))) don't feel stupid. Everyone is different and at different stages with different WS's. No might be the cool and often humorous answer but it doesn't mean it's the right answer for you. Your criteria seem solid.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Revenge  Posted: 7:02 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO WAY!

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Decimated
♂ Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather pack my ass full of 180s, and squat over a flaming hibachi, than take my XWW back!

~Jimmy Kimmel...well, sorta.


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex sat me down and confessed and said he didn't want to loose his family. I gave him a list of things that he needed to do to have me work on R (I got several things right even before SI!). That lasted like 36 hours. Finally figured out he had taken his A underground, confronted him, and then he left. 3 weeks total. I was still offering R if he could meet my conditions until a couple of weeks later and I was in a pretty bad car accident with both kids and he choose to go to a concert w OW instead of coming home to help. He sent a friend to go to the accident site (note, once his best friend found out where he was ex was no longer his friend). The next IC appointment I walked in and said, your goal is to get me over him. I am done, I don't EVER want someone as selfish as him in my life. My brain has never wanted him back since that day. In fact other than one "conversation" that we had a few months later where he called me as much of a slut as I had called OW because I was spotted having a drink with a guy at a bar (oh, the horror!) I have never had a conversation with him that was longer that 3-4 sentences, even about the kids. It has been almost 4 years.

So there is nothing he or anyone could do that would ever want him back in my life.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely never ever ever ever


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no. I deserve more than a liar and a cheat.


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd take her back immediately--IF she magically transformed into the person who never did this to me and our children.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 115
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