This sux so much.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. Your dday was pretty recent and everything you are going through is normal. You're probably sick of hearing it, but it will get better with time.
I had the same problem with music, which sucked because I love music and always have something playing. Everything just made me sad. Finally I dug out some CD's of 80s music, happy bouncy stuff I loved back in high school that had zero connection to XWH for me. Do you have an old favorite you can revisit? The other thing I did was play a lot of my Zumba music, since the lyrics are in Spanish. Of course, if you speak Spanish, then nevermind.
Tv and movies can be so hard. Sex scenes, kissing, cuddling, hand holding... Gah! Alllll of it upset me. Not to mention infidelity related plots/scenes, which are frigging everywhere. It's just sick. Anyway, not long after dday, I started watching Game of Thrones. Everyone I knew was going on and on about it, so I thought what the heck and bought the first season on DVD. Best thing I could have done. Yes, there is some sex, romance and even infidelity. But the whole universe of that story is so far from every day reality, I just got lost in it. I was really sucked into it, and I realized that was the only time my brain let go of all the other stuff. Maybe try to find something similar, totally immersive and not based in reality. And just let yourself get lost.
I remember being where you are. You're right, it sucks. Big time. But you will get through it. It will get better. Hang in there and keep taking good care of yourself.
Right now is harder than it looks. ~ Van Halen
"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"
Just wanted to let you know your not alone. (((aero1122)))
I hope you have friends to turn to or a good IC.
[This message edited by norabird at 11:38 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]
I wish I could take something to help me sleep but I am alone with the kids most nights so I would be afraid to. The only music I can listen to has been my daughters toddler tunes...lol....but I will try some of your suggestions.
We keep getting told it will get better. Have to believe it and keep on moving.
I too struggled with waking in the middle of the night with those same thoughts. As uncomfortable as I was initially with the idea of ADs a prescription for Lexapro finally helped me stop ruminating through the night.
And I also couldn't listen to the radio without getting upset... until I figured out what I like to think of as the "Musical 180."
Listen to music you would normally NEVER listen to. I spent weeks listening to speed metal, terrible frat boy rap rock, classic arena rock, electronic dance music, 1940s big band... anything unfamiliar. I think I spent a couple of days on the Ozzy Osbourne channel on my satellite radio.
It sounds insane but it really worked.
[This message edited by TheThreeYearFool at 10:02 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]
No one deserves to go through these feelings, yet go through them you must. And when the pain begins to feel less sharp, you will be stronger.
It took me such a long time to accept that what was happening to me was just NOT FAIR. It isn't fair, so don't even bother to try to figure that out. I thought that maybe if only I had done things differently.... Don't go there either. Nothing you could have done would have made a difference to our spouses choices. I wish....I should have....If only.....
Pointless. It is what it is. Now you must soothe yourself and get strong. take comfort in those that love you and find the strength for yourselves and your children if you have any.
I know that what you really want to hear is how to make the pain go away. I'm sorry that I can't tell you that. I do know that it becomes less intense though, and even manageable.
Go easy on yourselves. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. And when you begin to feel better, allow yourselves to feel that too.
Again, I am so sorry. And we are always here for you.
You finally have to decide to be at peace with thinking about it 24/7 because it is not going to stop anytime soon. Just relax and let the toughts come. If your husband is willing, set aside an hour every few days to talk about the affair. Try and be calm during those talks.
Get to a MC and some IC sessions will help also. Read the stuff in the healing library. What you are going through, thousands of people have gone through. You are not alone and you are not crazy.
It is three years for me and I still think about it every day, but not all day. It does get better but time is the only thing that makes it better. Hugs. K
Most sources say that it occurs after a "violent event," but we are starting to understand that emotional violence can be as traumatic as any other sort. The first thing our MC explained to my husband was PTSD. I was sort of surprised as I always thought of it as something from physical trauma, but the more I read the clearer it became.
20 yrs. old, single, naive, thoughtless, but not deliberately hurtful.
OW#2 05/2010- 07/2010
44 yrs.old, married bitch in heat who acted like a whore and got treated like one.
It does get better in time. I know it sucks to hear that and you probably think "how can they all say that!?"
But it's the truth.
Just remember, its not your fault, you did nothing wrong.
Eat well, get rest and read the healing library
Together 7 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
I'm with fightingback- It takes a long time. I totally understand where you are at this time. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone-- except all OW!
It's been four years since my dday #1 and 18 months since Dday#2 and full disclosure and it does get better but it will never be the same. Not a day goes by that I do not think about it. Not One Day.
I've accepted what has happened and we are dealing with this now
and trying to make a better M. But, it has changed me.How can it not when my WH has been cheating on me for 37 yrs!
It's not your fault and you don't have to rush into anything. Take your time. Breathe. Take care.
Like many have said, time does help. I'm only 22 days out myself, and while I am not anywhere near "back to normal," I'm mostly functional. I know you've probably read other suggestions like keep busy, exercise, drink plenty of water, eat if you can, exercise some more, yell when you have too, cry when you need to, and just know that you will heal.
I too see my WS everywhere. My mind rarely shuts off the slideshow of happier times and what we once had, and then to what she was doing with him while I sat at home so clueless. Its happens, and it is painful, and that's just part of it unfortunately. Write it out here. Vent all you want. Post, post, post. We're all here for you.
It will get better, I promise.
It just takes time. For me I will never be the person I was before all of this. After you get through this you will be a much stronger person that you realized you could be.
I have said this before but I was a paratrooper and am a veteran. This by far was the worst thing I have gone through.
In time it won't bother you that much, believe it or not.