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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Its my birthday today!
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...and I wanted to post that I am sad. I feel like a little boy that needs a hug. Yes, this post is me looking for attention.

In the past I would seek out unhealthy means to feel better....starting with denying that I felt sad in the first place.

About this time last year I chose to turn away from porn....to sit with my feelings, to examine them, to expose as much of the roots of motivations within me as I could.

It has been time and energy well spent. It has come at a cost....I look and feel much older than I am, I still spontaneously cry, anger is much less part of me...and I kind of miss it as it did make me feel better but it, like porn, was a temporary band aid that prohibited real, permanent growth to occur.

But the price of NOT doing this would have been much greater. My M would have limped along at best, my family would not have reached the potential I see for it, and I would have remained blind to feelings that needed healed.

I have always been an out-going, life of the party, funny guy....still enjoy being that guy. But I see a new part of me coming into the light. A guy that desires real connection...both with himself and those I choose to interact with.

I see real value in honest fellowship......both virtually here on SI and in real life with my wife and a very close friend.

Thank you for the support and comfort you have regularly provided me.


God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:39 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Happy Birthday and enjoy this sinless cake

I hope your WW comes up trumps and you have a great day.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2009
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday! Hope you have a good day.

It's my 36th tomorrow so nearly birthday buddies lol

[This message edited by olwen at 7:44 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2013
Crushed15Feb13
♂ Member
Member # 38846
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday, Blakesteele!

And many happy returns of the day!


Me: BH, 54
Her: WW, 54 4 yr LTA
Married 31 yrs, 2 college age boys
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - LTA 2008-2013
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - ONS, same AP 2007 - turns out it was a 5 yr LTA
Trying to understand

Posts: 187 | Registered: Mar 2013
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday! Mine was yesterday and I felt sad most of the day, so I hear you on that. Enjoy your day and many more!!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
Filed, but may R after

Posts: 790 | Registered: Dec 2013
byefornow
♀ Member
Member # 41992
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday! I hope the year ahead holds many blessings for you!


BW- me
WH - him
married over 25 years

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
1owner
♂ Member
Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday Blakesteele!!!

Your posts are always very insightful and I enjoy reading them.

I know what you mean about looking and feeling older, this infidelity crap does take it's toll, that's for sure.

Happy birthday and many happy returns!


Posts: 191 | Registered: Oct 2013
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always been an out-going, life of the party, funny guy....still enjoy being that guy. But I see a new part of me coming into the light. A guy that desires real connection...both with himself and those I choose to interact with.

I admire you BS. And, here is a virtual hug ((Blakesteele)).

What a great b-day present to yourself. How lucky are you that at the (young) age of 40-something-ish, you were able to figure out what many spend a life searching for? Living an authentic life. . . that is a gift. It is a gift to know it is possible, and to strive for it. It is a gift to be self-reflective and aware.

I recently celebrated a birthday too, and it was bittersweet. I am both better, and more hurt than I have ever been. I think this is the year (or two, or five) that I am most fully living the human condition in all of its flavors. We don't get these opportunities that often: to have a crisis that rocks us to the core. I have already lost a parent, and I have actually learned far more from this.

I am grateful to be alive, and looking forward to more ups than downs in the future. Hoping for the same for you as well.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1770 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday. Hope it's a great one


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 533 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday {{Blakesteele}}

You're such an inspiration to me. Hope your sadness lifts and you can enjoy your day to the full.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 914 | Registered: Oct 2012
creativecat
♀ Member
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday, blakesteele! You deserve tons of attention!

I send you the gift of gratitude, for all the wisdom you have posted on here.

God's blessings to you today and always!


Posts: 87 | Registered: Dec 2013
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Cool  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 760 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
petite71
♀ Member
Member # 36475
Content  Posted: 8:01 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!!


1st DD 03/24/2012 2nd DD 07/13/2012 TT A. in 2002 same girl when we were dating.
Status:Getting Stronger...we can get through this & are healing together
BS(me):41
WS(Husband):40
LTA 10 yrs EA/PA 9 times. friends with benefits.
Us..Together 12 yr

Posts: 125 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!!!!! I hope the sadness will dispel and that you can find joy in the littlest things. I always enjoy your posts and keep you in my prayers as we all weather this journey.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 436 | Registered: Jan 2013
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on giving up porn! I appreciate you standing up against it.

Hey, the day isn't over yet.......you never know what might happen! I hope at the end of the day you look back and can say it was a Happy Birthday! Hang in there!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1865 | Registered: Nov 2010
Loadsofchocolate
♀ New Member
Member # 40708
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday blakesteele hope you have a great day!!


Dday1 - June 2013 admits EA
Dday2 - June 2013 broken NC minutes after agreeing to reconciliation - only found out 3 weeks later
Dday3 - July 2013 broken NC
Dday4 - September 2013 broken NC
Dday5 - December 2013 broken NC admits PA

Posts: 28 | Registered: Sep 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have the happiest of birthdays!
I think I remember you and your wife had the weekend away at Retrouvaille- what a wonderful rebirth there too.
Enjoy your day with your family.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday!


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51568 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
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