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User Topic: My friend
Smokehouse
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This past Thursday, a co-worker and good friend revealed to me his wife had moved out, requested a separation. My friend got the ILYBINILWY from her. You guessed it, she had an affair.

He learned this about a month ago and it has been eating him alive and he needed someone to talk to. We talked for two hours and he thanked me. I did not share anything of my WW's A, nor does he know. I am very private.

Friday night my friend goes to work, an hour later he's in the hospital. He had a heart attack at age 44!

He is a worrier by nature. This was too much for him, as I talked to him yesterday after he was discharged from the hospital.

Not sure why I posted this. It just makes me feel so helpless and sad that infidelity can do so much damage. I'm sure he was a candidate for a heart attack prior to learning of the affair but, we all know how devastating and the physical and mental toll it takes on our bodies.

God help us all.


Posts: 147 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poor guy. Yes, he may have been heading for a heart attack, anyway. But huge stressors like this really can nudge the process along considerably.

I know you're very private, but it might really help this friend if he were to know he wasn't all alone in this experience. Being a good friend to him is certainly enough--don't misunderstand. But it's such a huge blow, and the experience of infidelity feels so solitary. I know it helped me, quite a lot, to know that a significant number of the people in whom I confided were also BSs. I never dwelled on their situations, didn't discuss them and I have not since pondered them. It was just comforting to know I wasn't the alone in the experience.

Either way, you're a great friend.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8587 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Smokehouse,

Maybe you can point your friend to SI? You can do it without revealing your presence, just drop a hint like "A friend went through this and he got a lot of help of this Surviving Infidelity forum".


we all know how devastating and the physical and mental toll it takes on our bodies

True.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3869 | Registered: Dec 2011
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently told a friend who had also been through infidelity... And it really helped, both of us.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you can point your friend to SI? You can do it without revealing your presence, just drop a hint like "A friend went through this and he got a lot of help of this Surviving Infidelity forum".

Great idea.

I seriously don't think I would have made it to this point without this place.

I mean that.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Friday night my friend goes to work, an hour later he's in the hospital. He had a heart attack at age 44!

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be keeping him in my thoughts for a speedy recovery.

I agree with Tred. Maybe you could also say that you did a search on the topic and found an online site that could help.

(((HUGS))) to you and your friend.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Smokehouse
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all for the replies. A great idea pointing him in this direction. I will definitely let him know by telling him I found the site and wanted him to know. The only reason I didn't tell him is my WW also works at the same place as him and I. I know he wouldn't say anything to anyone but, you never know.

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed but, would hate for it to get out and everybody know my business. He is a great friend and I will do as suggested. SI saved my marriage and my sanity and I'm sure it would do the same for him as it has all on this site. I am so thankful for everybody that has bravely posted their thoughts and concerns, not just for me but, for everybody going through the devastation of infidelity.


Posts: 147 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 7

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