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Newest Member: Devestatedbeyond (44583)

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User Topic: NC but how do I get his stuff out of the house?
griefandrelief
♀ Member
Member # 42210
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Final divorce settlement still to do, and there is sh*t in the house that he says he wants. I am NC after a stupid series of texts that made me look (and feel, quite frankly) desperate for him back. I am getting stronger every day, but still fear that I am too codependent to say "no" if he tries to come back or to say "oh well" if he doesn't try.

To put the house on market and get over the process, there are things he says he wants from the house and I am fine with him just taking them. BUT that means he has to come over, I have to be there to be sure he doesn't take anything else, etc. I don't want to do that and I don't have any friends who could just be there for that, either. Some of it is in the basement and will be a pain in the *ss to bring up (a large exercise equipment piece, a heavy table he built, etc.) and the other is the collection of tools that we built together (that my father had given him half of, btw). If it wasn't so difficult, I would just move it all up myself and put it in the backyard so he could collect it without coming into the house - but I don't want to look like the "angry ex" any more than I want to look like the "desperately needy ex" so I don't know what to do.

How have you handled this in the past? What is the best way to do it?


Love ... dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. -Anais Nin
D-day 1/24/14. Divorcing. Moving forward in fits and starts.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: kansas
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you don't want to be there alone with him the you can arrange for a cop to be there "in case there is a breach of the peace or in case things get violent!"

That way there is sommeone there to watch your back and you may feel stronger.

My gut instinct would be to get as much stuff as you can into the garage and ask him to take it while you are not there and then ask someone to help you lug the heavier stuff ready and waiting for him.

IF you fear you will crumble in front of him then do NOT see him. Begging and/or crying is something you do not want to do.

Stay strong. We are here to help.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1570 | Registered: Jul 2009
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I don't want to look like the "angry ex"

You have a right to be the angry ex. If you can get that stuff up to the backyard, go ahead and do it. You can always just text him and say, "I moved your things up from the basement for you. They're in the backyard."

That would make it look less like you're acting out your anger. But seriously. Go ahead and be angry.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since the house is to go onto the market, you will want to get your things out too. Can you put the tools and other significant items into a storage loacker first?


LTA BS 53
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4106 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you don't want to be there alone with him the you can arrange for a cop to be there "in case there is a breach of the peace or in case things get violent!"

This was going to be my idea, too.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Topic Posts: 5

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