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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Terrifying Day
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD6 went missing for 45m today.

She is gone by the time After School Care (ASC) arrives. They report it to the boss and she recalls a permission slip from me saying DD6 could go to Art Class instead of ASC (never happened). They look for it. They call the sad clown. He says he knows nothing about it. He doesn't call me. He should have.

These two errors (one human, the other - I don't understand) meant 15-30 min gap before ASC boss realises she got the kids mixed up. Calls me apologising - tells me other kids said she went with other friends mum. She and I realise DD6 is missing.

My spider senses go off with this friends mum - I never let DD6 be alone with her. I let her go with her once on Halloween with a parent I do trust - never alone.

I call her 10 times no answer as I'm heading to my car. If DD6 is there I will tear shreds of this mum. The mum calls me and says no - she's not there. Her DD hasn't been to school today because she's sick.

My mind goes to terrible places. I will rip her house apart looking for my child. I will kill her if she is hurting my child.

I'm driving like a maniac trying to get out of the tightest, biggest, busiest carpark in Sydney.

As soon as I have phone reception again I call the sad clown - he still thinks I've made arrangements on his day. I haven't. He realises she is missing. He is on his way.

I call ASC and they say they will go to friends mums house to look for DD6. They're checking the school grounds, the local parks. Everywhere.

Driving fast and trying to be safe and calling every parent I can. No-one has her. I call the police. Terror is setting in.

There's been lots of media lately about the Daniel Morcombe case here - a boy who was kidnapped and missing for years. It took them years to find him. The guy who told them where the body was is now claiming he didn't do it so lots of media. Horrific.

A pedophile attacked two little girls in a park 1 kilometre from my house recently. A million other news stories are going around and around in my head.

Please be OK. Please be OK. Please be OK.

I then do a second call asking them to call every parent or carer they know. On this second call to BFFs mum I ask her to ask her DD if if she knows where DD6 went. She says "OK, I'll call my babysitter.". WTF? Why didn't you say that when I first called. CALL HER.

I'm upset and trying to stay calm but I can't stop shaking.

I get to the school, see the cop car and right then BFFs mum calls to say babysitters husband has confirmed DD6 is with babysitter. This is 30-45m AFTER being told she was missing.

I get out of the car and fall down on the grass bawling my eyes out and screaming with joy/relief/fear. Scared all of the ASC kids. Then a full blown panic attack (the 4th of my whole life - first one was DD, two others in the months after, never before or since).

Cops and carers run over - it takes me a few mins to blurt out she's safe because I can't fucking breathe. I finally say she's safe and spend 15 mins trying to locate her (they're out for a walk - old lady babysitter doesn't have a mobile. FML).

DD6 and her BFF have convinced this babysitter that DD6 is allowed to go back to her place.

Cops are lovely and want to know if I'm OK to drive. I'm apologising for freaking out - I'm still shaking like a leaf. I just want to hold her RIGHT NOW.

I find out they are home, I rush over there and grab DD6 - I'm crying and kissing her and she is scared "Daddy said I could". I yell: NO HE DID NOT. DO NOT LIE and tell her she has scared the hell out of me and her dad, her nonna, ASC and everyone, I was scared that she had been stolen, she has scared everyone, everyone is worried sick, police have been looking for her. She starts crying and I'm hugging and kissing her. I never want to let go. Ever.

I could have handled it better - I scared my little girl.

I then lay into the old lady babysitter in PG words. DO NOT EVER TAKE SOMEONE'S CHILD UNLESS AN ADULT TELLS YOU ITS OK. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU THINK THAT WAS OK? She's trying to say sorry and I'm telling her to jam her sorries - I could have killed myself on the road or someone else. I thought I lost my child forever. I thought horrible, awful things.

NOT OK. Thank you for keeping her safe. I'm so happy I could die right now but you can NEVER do this to anyone ever again. NOT OK.

I feel a bit bad about it - it was an honest mistake but... Jaysus. She won't be making that mistake again.

The sad clown shows up. He is concerned but calm and isn't being a fuckwit. For that I am grateful. I realised I didn't call him as soon as I knew she was safe. He was in hell for 15m longer than necessary. I apologise. He is gracious. Again, I am grateful.

I debrief him on what happened - we also agree to inform each other when we make arrangements outside of the status quo (it is a part of FRR but I didn't inform him for that hour on Halloween, he didn't inform of several instances).

I hug my girls and sit in my car wailing and trying to compose myself. I drive off for the 2m trip home and have to stop a few times to compose myself. The adrenalin has well and truly taken over.

I just want to be home. I just want to hold my girls.

I will ask the sad clown to attend meetings with me, DD6 and the ASC boss and also meet with her teacher and the principal. I am hopeful we can all present a united front on this.

NC is great but because we don't communicate and its 50/50 custody there are gaps that my very smart 6 year old is starting to use to her advantage. First a few little things and now this very big thing.

He may start sharing important information with me after this. I won't hold my breath but I am still hopeful.

I cannot even express my relief. I'm sitting here crying for the Morcombe's and everyone else who did actually lose their children. I only had a glimpse of that hell and it was more horrific than I even imagined.

I'm crying because I want to hold her tonight. I want to talk to her and apologise for scaring her and explain that I was out of my mind in fear and that she must never, ever do this again.

I have seen some scary things but I honestly never been so scared in all of my life.

This is the best possible outcome for today.

Worst and Best Day of my life all in one.

[This message edited by SBB at 6:32 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
dazdandconfuzed
Member
Member # 11692
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my. I just can't imagine.... I'm so glad your story has a happy ending. Terrifying indeed.


Me - BW
Him - WH

Posts: 6621 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Massachusetts
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a nightmare. (((SBB))).

Good that the ex behaved like a human being through this.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 576 | Registered: Aug 2013
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I can't even imagine the terror you experienced.

So glad it all turned out OK.


Separated - working on R

Posts: 451 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG. I am crying here.
How horrifying.
I'm so glad everything turned out ok.
Here's hoping that the sad clown will be a little more fothcoming in the future.

My heart is pounding.

This is every parent's worst fear.
I hope you are feeling a little better now.
(((SBB)))


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
WS: Him 49 (Together 12 years)
D-Day April 18, 2011, Him:out Sept. 11, 2011..moved June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My oldest, now 13, did this when she was about 7. She wandered to a neighbor's house, then went on to another house, then another... It took 2 hours to find her. I remember the terror, and the post-discovery ANGER. Adrenaline is powerful stuff to begin with, but when a momma bear is jazzed up with it, all sorts of things get shredded. I'm impressed you were able to drive at all. I couldn't walk, but believe-you-me I could snarl.

Let us hope this horrifying experience brings about a new period of positive communication between SadClown and you. I suspect it might. It sounds as if for once he was putting ego aside and reacting as a caring father might. It's a good sign.

Warm hugs to you and your little Carmen Sandiego.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad she is safe. So glad you are all ok.

I know this panic. I went through it a few years ago with my DD. I was rattled for days and had difficulty sleeping. Don't be surprised if it takes a while to shake off the after effects. (((((SBB & girls)))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24350 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The shakes have stopped but its almost 2am and I'm only now feeling sleepy.

I keep going over what happened.

Describing my beautiful little girl to the police was something I simply was not prepared for. Aged six, blonde, blue eyes, about 120cms tall (I think?), 25kgs, blue and white checked school uniform dress.

So normal yet it all felt so sinister. I thought I'd never see her again.

Let us hope this horrifying experience brings about a new period of positive communication between SadClown and you. I suspect it might.

I hope so too. I won't hold my breath but I'll still hope.

I also hope sleep comes soon.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband did this to his father. Hubby was 13 years old, they had gone on a bike ride and husband biked ahead while his dad was helping hubby's younger sister. Husband went missing for 6 HOURS. His dad finally found him biking through a residential area, completely lost. Husband is not the type to ask for help, and he certainly wasn't going to then.

His dad told me when he saw my husband he sped up in his truck and skidded to a halt right in front of him. My husband was crying and he said "Dad, I thought I would never see you again!" My father in law was telling me this story because that was the last time he saw my husband cried.

While telling me the story my father in law burst into tears. Very heavy sobbing. Even over a decade later he said the fear he felt that day was still alive.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 9:05 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Just wow.

Your fear, your anger - as a mommy myself - so very palpable.

I'm thankful she's safe, though I still cannot get it out of my head that that sitter thought it would be OK to have her.

WTH???

(((((SBB)))))


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, SBB, I am **so** glad you found her, and that maybe it will help make your X get on the same page w you.

When my son was in 2nd grade his school "lost" him during after school care. Kids are supposed to be signed out from class, supposed to go to X Y Z activities in X Y Z order, signed in and out. Kid is isn't in correct place, they're supposed to stop everything, notify principal, find kid. My kid left his class, but neither X nor Y nor Z adults saw him, none of them called the principal, none of them looked for him. OMG, I tore around that school...he was out on the playground (he knew where he was supposed to be, but wanted to do what he wanted to do ) with yet another teacher who should have noted that he wasn't supposed to be there, called the principal, etc.

I was NOT a nice person about it. I threw around words like LAWYER and SUPERINTENDENT, and spewed some very unpleasant personal remarks at all adults involved. Let's just say that they developed a new procedure and followed through on it after that...

Yeah. Just about killed me...I can't imagine having to call the police to give a description


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 840 | Registered: Sep 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just cried and got dizzy reading your story. OMG HOW TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!

I think it's good you scared your daughter. She needs to see the impact of what she did. Her being scared and seeing her mother freak the fuck out is an appropriate natural consequence.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9231 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
unbreak_my_heart
♀ Member
Member # 12145
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^THIS!!!


HAPPILY RECONCILED!

I ♥ my Husband!!!


Posts: 2282 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a day like that one time. DS9 was six at the time. He was playing on playground equipment and then suddenly he wasn't. I could not find him. I knew what color clothes he was wearing and I could not pick him out of the other children. I asked a teen boy to check the bathroom. Would he have gone to the bathroom without telling me? I realized that there were too many cars, too many people ... baseball games on the fields behind the playground, soccer in front, and rugby on the very back field and so many people. If he'd been snatched he could be gone in a car and be anywhere. It was less than five minutes? Other than the boy who checked the bathroom for me I hadn't had time to get to the notify the authorities or even other adults at the fields. I spotted his turquoise t'shirt and his blonde head at the RUGBY FIELD. Right on the sideline. With a boy around his age that I had never seen and adult males related to the boy? By the time I marched up to DS my relief anger was full on. DS met me with "Mommy I made a new friend..." and the adults said something that I didn't even register as I snatched DS's arm and hugged him and yanked him back to the soccer fields saying all those things you say to the child at that point. I ramped up the degree of stranger danger stories. I scared him and his brother because I made it very clear that there was a very good reason for the RULES.

That is a horrible horrible feeling. It was compounded by the GUILT. I let him out of sight. I wasn't diligent enough. What if what if what if.

I can taste the fear and nausea now... That feeling NEVER completely leaves you.

(((SBB))) I am glad your story ended well. I am so sorry for the agony of those long minutes. I am glad you didn't kill yourself or anyone else driving.

I pray your sleep is restful. Be easy Momma. The next days until you get the girls back might be shaky.

(((more hugs))) my friend.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5567 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
yestopants
♀ Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SBB))
Craziness....I'm glad DD6 is okay. I zip through that post OMG...so glad I can't even imagine.


Me: 34
WH:37
Married 11years together 13 years
OW
"I don't love you anymore" 17/11/2013
DD 9 DS 7

Posts: 254 | Registered: Dec 2013
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG this is horrifying! I teared up just thinking about it.

I have a question though....

The mum calls me and says no - she's not there. Her DD hasn't been to school today because she's sick.

So then how did YOUR DD end up with the babysitter of the friend if the friend wasn't even in school, and your DD was?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3145 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so relieved all turned out well, SBB. Sleep well.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1655 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SBB)))

So glad she is safe.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, you poor thing.

When my son was 9, I was pregnant with his youngest sister and on bed rest. I went to lie down and told him he could play in the fenced yard or inside. When I got up, his middle sister was watching TV and he was nowhere to be found. She said she didn't know where he was. We looked but didn't find him. We screamed his name. I looked outside. I called neighbors. I called 911. While waiting for 911, I checked his room one more time and noticed a lump in the top bunk. He was prone to bad migraines and had crawled into the bed and cocooned himself in the covers and went to sleep. He never heard us screaming his name even when I was yelling in the same room. I called 911 to let them know he'd been found but they still sent an officer to be sure everything was okay. My heart still races a bit when I think about it and my son is now 27.

I can't even imagine how terrifying it must have been with your daughter not at home, knowing she was in someone else's care. Add the news reports and confusion and you deserve a day at a spa. I'm so glad she wasn't harmed.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3924 | Registered: Sep 2005
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SBB)))

I would have reacted the exact same way. I'm so very glad that your DD6 is safe.

Hopefully this is a day that she and sadclown remember and try to not repeat ever again.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16253 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 29
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