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Newest Member: emptylostsoul (44611)

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User Topic: Who is the WS really mad at? WS Welcome
awesomedamaged
♀ Member
Member # 36067
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Loved---Great analogy! But maybe that cake is getting stale. Agreed


"You can't unring that bell or unfuck that woman." (Chump Lady)

Posts: 175 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Midwest
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My T says that anger is a secondary emotion. It covers up fear or pain.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6082 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@loveherstill ...cognitive dissonance. ..thanks for that bit...explains why my WH was a real dick to be around during his little secret affair...he was so damn mean to me for no reason...but cognitive dissonance gives me some major clarity...trying to vilify me to ease his conscious and what a dirt bag he was the meaner they are the worst they have acted must be


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait..what? He says he wants to be home with you? And he's mad and angry? And he says he has/had feelings for her? And he's been in contact with her? What am I missing? Why do you give a f*** if he's mad at anyone? I read your post several times and I still must have missed something, I'm sorry if I did. but he's not mad at you. He doesn't want to be home. He may be saying home is where he wants to be but that's not the truth. Moreover he's showing you that is not what he wants. Why haven't YOU asked HIM to leave? This would be a huge red flag for me. He's either not invested in staying and will make you miserable indefinitely, or he has no plans to stay long term, and you my find yourself being blindsided by him. I would be very cautious and on high alert. I would even be silently getting my back up plan organized. That's me.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Jul 2012
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I'm sorry I see in your profile you're living apart. So is the "where he wants to be" with OW? Does living apart mean "separated"? This is still shocking behavior. I would file.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Jul 2012
Katz13
♀ Member
Member # 41886
Default  Posted: 3:48 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great posts here on this thread. Exactly what I needed to hear.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Love: Cognitive dissonance makes sense. I remember studying that in I.O. Psych. I like getting to the meat and potatoes part of the "why". It helps take away the emotion and get to the actuality of the situation.

@ cant.. We were in the middle of buying a house and If I file, it wont be finish by the time we close...Im trying to weigh my options. So far WS says if I file he wont contest and I can have whatever I want. He is sorry, but not remorseful. When I say with OW, I mean, comes and goes as he pleases...he has his own place. He says I am the best thign that has ever happened to him. That he is probably making the biggest mistake of his life. To which I told him...Yep.....



"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
kmom2662
♀ Member
Member # 41494
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My T says that anger is a secondary emotion. It covers up fear or pain.

Yes, exactly. For me, it covers up other uncomfortable emotions -- fear, pain, sadness, guilt, feeling too vulnerable, feeling trapped, etc. It feels safer to turn the reaction outward than have to feel them .

[This message edited by kmom2662 at 9:02 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me-- WW, 49
Him-- BH, 53 (bobf)
Married 22 years
OEA, chat/email with multiple people over an 8 week period, 8/2013-10/4/2013
D-day 10/4/13
Working on reconciliation

Posts: 69 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United states
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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