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Newest Member: GotLost (44678)

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User Topic: The Golden Manual
Freebygrace
♀ Member
Member # 42484
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chapter 32: Shhh the marriage is over ...but dont tell my wife


"I thought the marriage was over. I thought you didn't love me".

I wish I would've known the marriage was over, and I didnt love him so much that I was pregnant with his baby.

Didn't he hear the song..."having my baby..what a lovely way of saying how much you love me"


Me: BS 45
Him: fWH 48
OW: my BFF well not forever apparently
Lots of kids, married 22 years
DDay: 01/16/01
On the fence about R or D?

Posts: 109 | Registered: Feb 2014
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, is anyone compiling all of this?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 750 | Registered: Feb 2012
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got the ILYBINILWY stupidity with the added flare of 'face it, we haven't loved each other a LONG time.' I was blown away as I didn't realize I hadn't loved him for a long time. Thank god he told me!

'Dont worry! She's just my platonic lesbian friend!'

'When I told her I loved her, it didn't mean the same as when I told you.'

'I thought you were more above everything so you wouldn't be so upset.'
I know I'm god-like but seriously? Read about just about any goddess out there...they were all about turning the APs into cows, sealing them up into boxes, striking them dead...not a lot of interest nor forgiveness for the APs.

'Dont I treat you well? If I do then what does it matter if I have another wife?'

'If you promise you can keep up with me, I'll be monogamous.'

'You can't do the housework well and you always complain you don't get enough help and how much you hate it so *we* need another wife to help you???she can take care of you when you are sick too!'
I have chronic illness...yeah, I'm very comfortable when I feel sick now...thanks for asking.

'She can be my best poetry friend and you can have all the rest.'

'You'll love her! She's just like you! You like all the same things!'

8 bajillion attempts to gaslight..nothing not already mentioned.

The ever popular classic 'I don't remember.'

'I don't even remember her name anymore!'
Great. Thanks for destroying my very soul for someone you don't even remember.

'Why don't you get together with your ex boyfriend? Then you'll have someone to spend time with while I spend time with my other wife?'

Bleh...


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man - I came here to add a whole bunch and they're already here!!!

Seriously, I've gone through and nodded to all of them. Except the corn on the cob. I didn't cook or drive (I do now) - that's why he cheated with an OW who.... wait for it.... didn't cook or drive.

There has to be a False R chapter.

False R - How To Use Your BSs Love/Fear Against Them
- cry - a lot. They'll think you have true remorse
- a suicide threat or five. Works like a charm.
- make it all about you. Always.
- when making it about your BS make sure to tell them all the ways in which they failed you. Careful not to accuse them directly - blameshifting has to be subtle in False R.
- tell your BS his/her hurt hurts YOU. Better yet tell him/her he/she is PUNISHING you by not being over it.
- when they won't let you gaslight or rugsweep tell them THEY are the ones 'not invested'.
- post in the Wayward forum "How long will I have to do this for?", get your arse kicked by people with actual remorse then denounce SI as a Haters Site.
- always, ALWAYS keep at least a few OW secret. Just because you have a Plan B, C, D, E doesn't mean you're not invested. You're totes invested - if only your BS would get over it!!

God - I wish I was making this shit up.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5532 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't forget the chapter on FOO issues.

My fWH's gem was "I am NOT like my father! He cheated on my mom multiple times. I've only cheated on you twice!"


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 388 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What would be interesting is to have a list of one liners, topics, and events, and then have SI members vote on them as to whether or not they are applicable to their story. Then people can see which items are popular yet still see them all. I think this manual is a great idea, similar to the 12 step book for alcoholics where stories are different but still have similar aspects.


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.


Posts: 723 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Exclaimation  Posted: 6:52 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, some of you are forgetting the most important chapter.

Limbo: Deciding if you want to go back to your BS after confessing/being busted

This chapter should explain, how after confessing, WS will call the AP to see if they are OK.

It should also mention how the WS if a woman will tell everyone of their BS shortcomings to justify what they did.

If you have kids, will take them away as they think they are fit to take care of them without you.

Will barely lift a finger after DDAY to ensure you are OK.

After DDay, may pursue others in hope they will rescue them from the nightmare.

Will not fully commit to R if BS wants R.

Will post on Facebook how they are bonding with family but leave you out of it, especially if you demonstrated any type of forgiveness

Will not demonstrate empathy.

Will be mad at AP for not choosing them and post about it on Facebook with the following comment: "Some People Take The Easy Way Out"

Says some of the following:
I wanted someone to take care of me
You care more about X,Y,Z(Normally Hobbies, or anything you care about) then me.
I need to be healed before I can make a decision.
I never meant to hurt anyone
I said I was sorry
I want to be your best friend if we are married or not
I just want to be a good mother

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 6:57 AM, April 25th (Friday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will you make sure to have a chapter about infidelity with prostitutes, cause the crazy fogged up brain exists there too.
The line that will haunt me always: "aren't you glad it was only a prostitute ?"


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 443 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone brought up the caulk??? Caulk is a definitive sign of a personality disorder!

(kind of joking, but not really)

How about admission that they believe that everyone manipulates others or has ulterior motives?

Accusing you of cheating.

Accusing you of lying.

Telling you to stop reading and posting on SI as it is preventing you from seeing the truth. Putting ideas in your head. (the truth that I didn't see at the time is that he was cheating again)


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1309 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, gotmegood. That goes hand in hand with "it didn't mean anything". Ugh.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 714 | Registered: Apr 2013
Gardenerinpain
♀ New Member
Member # 42323
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many do we have to have heard to win the gold star?

I always came home at night.

I wasn't taking anything away from you (bc we weren't having sex).

I won't stop contact with her until I know we can make our marriage work.


Me: BS 60
He: F?WH 71
OW: 70
Married 32 years.
DDay March 2012
Separated since September 2013.
Trying to reconcile.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley


Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: South
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like a chapter dedicated to WS thoughts and feelings during the A. I'm quoting Hufi here from the BS Questions for WS's - Part 8 thread:


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1927 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Karmita
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chapter: 34 Groin Selfies 101

No affair is an affair without close up selfies of your junk.

1. Most groin selfies are to be taken in washrooms,washroom at home, hotel washroom, airport washroom, or gas station washroom...or anywhere there's a stall or door for privacy.

2. For cheaters your junk is special....thus it's imperative that you send as many vajjajai or penis close ups to your lurvve as further proof of how special you both are.

3. Remember to keep all groins shots in a separate computer file your spouse has no password to, so as to not get caught with your pants down
(pun not intended)



Posts: 73 | Registered: Aug 2013
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about:

HIM: "I was with two prostitutes"

ME: "Really...couldn't you have found a nice woman at least?"

HIM: I did have a nice woman for several months, but she dumped me. That's why I went to the prostitutes."


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, what still-living said!....could these be simplified, meaning list the saying but without any extra BS (betrayed spouse, not bullshit) emotion and then set up in a long poll for BS to mark as applicable to their story?
That way, there would be a very clear list of percentages or numbers for everyone (BS or WS) to see just how 'unique and special' their situation is.
I think BS often feel like their sitch is so unique no one would understand and then feel some relief when they see that they are not remotely alone even if the details matter somewhat.
WS often seem to feel that their luuuurve is all rainbows and unicorns special...only to get a wake up call that there is absolutely nothing special going on at all. Just poor boundaries and issues.
Seems like it's pretty valuable, especially in terms of the new BS who is hurting but hasn't gotten far in reading here or the WS with no real intention of reading stories and actually doing some hard work.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many of these...but my absolute, jaw dropped open, incredulous, I can't believe he just said that statement was when I confronted him about the money. Think ~$400X12 months X 20 years. I know for a fact that one year he spent $20,000 on strippers. So $90,000. His comment?

"Well, you've spent money on the house that I didn't agree with!"


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3423 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
mainlyinpain
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not like I killed someone.

IDK, IDR, ad nauseum

We never talked about you.

I came home to you every night. (Lucky me, I got the prize!)

It was easy with her.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 485 | Registered: Apr 2013
marionwendy
♀ Member
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about( I just wanted to see if her boobs were real! Or I still loved you it just happened but I didn't want it too. Or if her husband was doing his job it never would of happened! WTH?????!!!!!!!!


BS-49
WS-50
Married-18
Together-21
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.


Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her's one that I had forgotten about.

"You were always the most important part of my life. I just forgot about that for awhile".
and........"I didn't want to have sex with you because if she (MOW) found out, she would have an issue with that."

I like to read this thread when I need a chuckle!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 750 | Registered: Feb 2012
Areukiddingme
♀ New Member
Member # 41950
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so nice to read SI and sit here and laugh out loud . I can definitely assist in the toilet texting chapter...How to text your AP in the bathroom while blaming excess time on the throne on constipation. A relationship not built on toilet lurrrrve has no chance of surviving. Yeah you're full of shit alright!

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southeast
Topic Posts: 166
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