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User Topic: The Golden Manual
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it will make you feel better, go have sex with someone else. That's pure love and devotion.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 952 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saving my spot so I can find this later!

Quick suggestion: a chapter about how some cheaters feel so guilty they think you must be up to something to!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i mean this in a positive manner and in NO WAY negative.

you all laugh about this idea as if its funny.

grim yet witty chapter names, presumably learned the hard way through having dealt with this and been through it yourselves.

i am an author. i have connections with publishing houses. if you all got serious about a "cheaters handbook" .. examples - chapters on gaslighting, going underground, what idk or idr mean, etc ... i could ensure that it would land with favorable mention on a publishers desk for their review with an eye towards publication.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2014
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You think just because we're married, you can tell me who to date!" (EAP filled his head with polyamory nonsense, and how I was using the kids to control him... And how selfish it was for me to not allow him to pursue other relationships. And how that proved I was just interested in his money... And his dumb ass bought it all... )


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."
RB, my H said those EXACT same words.

So, if they really thought we wouldn't care, why lie, lie, lie, and try so hard to cover it up? Dumbasses.


If it will make you feel better, go have sex with someone else. That's pure love and devotion.
CCC, yep, I got that one too, and that really destroyed me. To think they would actually want us to sleep with another man, just to "even the score". Fuckers.



me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7102 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
shatteredapart
♀ Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

heforgotme I got the "I was never going to leave you" line. Damn that one hurt. Seriously?!! Do they think before they open their mouths and then speak out their ass?!

Another chapter could be "I could tell her anything. She was like my best guy friend but a girl".
Or how about "I would vent to her about work and stuff so when I came home you didn't have to hear it".
Or..."I hid my phone from you because I know that you wouldn't let me be friends with her. Especially since we texted nonstop all day and night and hours of phone calls when you weren't close by".


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bet if someone wrote it, people would buy it.

If we're divvying up the chapters, I'll take:
* It was an accident,
* It's All in Your Head (subtitle: You're Just As Crazy as Your Mother/Father!),
* I Think You Must Be Cheating! and
* The Art of Gaslighting



BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8852 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The title:

How To Destroy Your Marriage In 10 Easy Steps: A Cheater's Manual

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 7:43 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

William, I am serious. I would like to create the book. Maybe if we can get some seasoned SI vets to compose the whole thing, from start to finish, we can get it published and give awareness to infidelity and it's destruction. Maybe we can help people who don't have access or know how to search on Internet forums.

Infidelity isn't this thing we should bat our eyes it. It destroys homes, tears apart families and causes a lot of emotional havoc. I believe if more BSes would know what to do after a DDay, then more marriages would be saved.

I have had fantasies of speaking on a public forum like Katie Couric or something like that and starting support groups across the country.... Oh the things I would do if I won the lottery.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Teach8
♀ Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The Art of Trickle Truth...How to Inflict the Most Pain Possible...

DDay...I only slept with her twice.

Two months later: I only slept with her five times.

One month later: The affair was 7 years long.

I just wanted to feel wanted and needed. (Yeah, so did I)

I didn't think you would ever find out, I was never going to leave you, I'm selfish, I tried to stop...all gems I've heard as well. And of course...

Projection: How to do it Right.

Maybe you would feel better if you slept with someone else and I didn't think you loved or wanted me anymore. Truly, all time greats that never go out of style.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My favorite: You weren't giving me enough sex, but now that I've been caught you are the most beautiful woman with the most beautiful body and NOBODY can please me like you. (SIGH).


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."

RB, my H said those EXACT same words.

Mine too. Word for word. There should be a special chapter for the things they ALL say.

heforgotme I got the "I was never going to leave you" line. Damn that one hurt. Seriously?!! Do they think before they open their mouths and then speak out their ass?!

I know. And he told me he made a point of telling AP this. Wow honey, thanks for standing up for me.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
TheRealDeal
♀ Member
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To include under the Valid Justifications chapter:

"she reminds me so much of you"
"you cooked corn-on-the-cob and after 18 years of eating corn-on-the-cob I don't like it so that's why I cheated the same night you cooked it" yes, he said that
"she is just like me!" (meaning WS) notice how it contradicts with point one?

To include under Comments So Stupid You Can't Comprehend Them chapter
"but she likes sleeping with women too" to which I replied "I don't, so what's your point"
"you'd be such great friends"
"she'd make a great roommate"
and my personal favorite: "one day we'll look back on this and laugh"

But what is sad is the WS would never recognize themselves in the pages of the book...because ya know their love is real and no one else in the book really loves their AP the same way.

[This message edited by TheRealDeal at 12:09 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]


Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
PippaPeach6
♀ Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, all these ring a bell!

Don't forget (after all the TT about being just friends, never touched/hugged/kissed to FINALLY admitting PA) the chapter on protected sex. In fWH's case though, it wasn't necessary because OW had tubes tied (supposedly) so there was no chance of pregnancy. STD's? Oh, my never - because she was a "nice person" . . .

Oh, and the chapter on how OW/OM's spouse is physically/verbally abusive. Classic!


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chapter: Well, if you won't have sex with me anymore, I might as well keep doing it with the AP


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
silentscream13
♀ Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't forget the classics like:
"It was just glorified phone sex."
"Why can't I still be friends with her? "
"I wasn't planning marrying her. I already had a wife and kids."
"I don't think I could've gone through with having sex with her. "
And my all time favorite...
"I always imagined it was you when I was sexting her."
Geez...I feel good now.


ME: BS- 40; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: 18 years; Married: 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 254 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is probably the biggest mistake of my life..but I have feelings for the girl...


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you need to ask a man what is going on and they reply "We are just friends." Chances are they are lying and cheating. No married man needs to be "just friends" with another woman.

State, "Bullshit. But-that is okay...you can be "just friends" just not married to me too."

Don't trust them girls...no matter how long you have been married, no matter how great they are, no matter if they never gave you a reason to never trust them before, no matter how happy you two are, no matter how long they chased you, no matter if he is your best friend, no matter how much you love them, no matter if you were sweethearts forever.

Your instincts are right.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, seriously:

Someone should write it. There are so many from a MD's point of view. There needs to be one from a BS point of view.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

" I didn't say I loved her"

" Well, I didn't mean it so it's like I didn't say it"


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 166
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